The Power of (a Child's) Observation

So often in Montessori we talk about the value of observation as it pertains to adults observing children. While it is important to take a step back and observe our children as they work, it is equally valuable for our children to observe us, and each other. Children, from the time they are born, are skilled observers. How incredible is it that babies learn simply by being and observing? They typically do not need to be taught to talk and play and walk - they simply watch and learn. With three children, I’ve had an abundance of opportunities to observe how they observe…

Many children are observers when they are somewhere new, and that is especially true for D and S. It hasn’t always been easy for me to watch them not jump in and try new things or “join the fun”. I have to remind myself that while many children learn best by doing, some children learn best by first observing. Our job is to provide opportunities and a safe base from which to explore, and their job is to trust themselves to decide when to dive in, or not.

S (3) is in his first year of primary and has spent the majority of his first month observing. He stays close to his teacher and watches her give lessons and the children work. Even so, there has been no shortage in learning. I can see how much he’s absorbed through observation when he comes home and gets to work here. He goes to our playroom and unrolls and rolls rugs on repeat. He traces letters and makes different letter sounds. He sings the songs he’s learned on repeat. He meticulously chops carrot sticks from his lunch box “the way my teacher does it”. Observation is education.

D started primary in the exact same way. Now in her third (kinder) year of primary, she simply dove into work on day one. It is beautiful to see her growth each year in the same classroom. This doesn’t mean she has stopped observing. As most children do, she observes before and as she works. I see this observation play out through her pretend play at home. We come home from school and she immediately dives into playing school with her stuffed animals, acting out whatever she observed that day. Observation leads to deep pretend play as a way to process the day’s events.

Birth order plays a role too. While D, as the oldest, mostly learned by observing adults as a baby, S and J learn so much by observing each other. I remember when S was a young toddler and I introduced the kitchen knife, I didn’t even need to give him a lesson. He picked it up, held it correctly, and began chopping just as he’d seen D do many times before. J, observing his older siblings sing in the car at the top of their lungs, has already learned how to coo loudly along with them. He’s also quite eager to crawl right after them as they play, seeing just what opportunities movement can offer him. Observation is a key piece of multi-age environments.

Children’s sharp observation skills can also serve as a reminder of the importance of modeling. If we would like our child to hang up their coat, we have to do so ourselves first. Simply asking or saying the words isn’t enough. When we model something over and over, they pick up on it simply by observing that action again and again. The other weekend my husband decided to build the kids a mud pit so they’d focus their digging in a designated spot. When he asked if they wanted to help, they initially said no, but once they observed him out there with his tools, they were eager to join in. Observation is often more powerful than listening.

Observation is important for us all. It can be tempting to jump right in and fix something for our child just as it can be hard to watch them sit on the sidelines. But I have learned time and time again that pushing to “do” doesn’t get anyone anywhere. Many people, both children and adults, need the space and time to take in their surroundings by watching and listening first.

Observation isn’t what comes before the work - it is the work.

"Me First!": From Sibling Competition to Collaboration

A few phrases I hear on the regular include: “Get me out first!”, “No, I’m sitting next to mommy!”, “Read MY book first!”

On the surface, it seems so silly for the kids to be arguing over who is going to get unbuckled from their car seat first or who gets to sit on my left side on the couch. It can be challenging to be patient in these moments. But when I dig deeper (which I tend to do when lying in bed at night), I can usually get to the root of all of these seemingly petty arguments. Once I understand the cause, I can better handle both the situation and my own response.

The common thread among these “me first” arguments is a yearning for my attention. It is HARD to share a person that you love. It’s understandable that they both want to feel that they are the most important and each very loved by me. This is more true than ever as we get ready to welcome a new baby. While I know with certainty that I could not love one child more than the other, that is a trickier concept for young children to understand. Attention = love in their minds, and they are keenly aware of the balance or imbalance of that attention each moment of each day.

While there are still plenty of “me first” arguments, I’ve found a few strategies that seem to help. Some of the strategies I’m sharing are preventative and can be implemented anytime. Other strategies are ones I use in the moment, when the arguing and competition is high.

1:1 Time

The best way to fill each child’s cup and make them feel uniquely loved is through 1:1 time with either me or my husband. While this can be a special outing together (such as going to the children’s theater as pictured below!), I find just as much benefit from small moments each day. This might be preparing a meal or playing a board game together while the other sibling is busy playing or reading a favorite story while the other is napping or already in bed. These short but sweet one-on-one times each day boost their confidence in our relationship, and let them know they are special to us.

The goal isn’t “equal”

One of the best ways to nurture the sibling friendship and reduce the rivalry is to not try to make everything fair or equal for them. Siblings are related but they are each very unique. Just as they prefer different breakfasts, they have different needs from me. While S craves lots of physical contact, D wants time to play board games and work alongside one another. I don’t have to give them the same thing to make each feel better. I simply have to meet each one where they are at.

Predictable Routines

The more we stick to a (semi) predictable routine, the more the kids thrive, especially together. The biggest meltdowns and sibling arguments happen when they are surprised and unsure of what’s coming. A good example of this is when I “surprise” them with a special treat. I get excited to share it with them and then before I know it, it’s all about who got the bigger piece and not at all about the joy of a treat. This is in contrast to our weekly predictable trip to the bakery or their favorite park, where they know what they will get and the same arguments don’t occur. Of course life is full of surprises, as it should be, but it’s helpful to keep in mind that surprises can lead to bigger feelings and fights, and to be emotionally prepared for it!

Let the Kids Solve it

Now that the kids are both preschool age (almost 3 and 5), I find I can help them move from competition to collaboration by letting them come up with solutions. For example, if they are arguing about who gets to feed the dog, I will say something like “You both really want to feed Kula, and she’s lucky to have two family members who want to help take care of her! How do you think you can both take care of Kula and still make sure she gets her dinner tonight?” In the past, the kids (often D) have suggested that one gets the food and one gets the water for Kula. They also decided to take turns feeding Kula at dinnertime and they keep track of whose turn it is each evening far better than I do. While I’ll admit letting them come to a solution on their own does not always work, it is such great practice for them to brainstorm and come up with solutions together.

Work as a Team

If we notice they are starting to argue often, we try to put the kids on the same team instead. This means coming up with activities where they are working towards a common goal. Rather than ask them to race each other to get ready, I might ask if they can work together to clean up all the little pieces before the song ends or if they can get in their car seats before I pack up the trunk. I often include myself in the team and help them out, modeling that we all work as a team. I even say “let’s work as a team to _____” which helps them think about our family or each other as a team. My husband is especially good at inventing big movement games where they try to beat a clock or even him instead of each other. I also really like cooperative board games for this reason - they are trying to win together.

Moving from competition to collaboration is as constant and challenging a practice for us adults as it is for kids. The less value we put on being first, the less the kids focus on being first. Simply being aware of this, combined with a sense of compassion and understanding for how difficult sharing a loved one is, can make the biggest difference of all.

Our Favorite Newborn Baby Products (Updated 2022)

Though I usually cover Montessori topics only, I also get lots of questions about favorite baby products beyond Montessori materials. Here is a roundup of my favorite products for the early days with a baby. By no means would I call these “essentials”, but they have been very useful with each of our babies and I am looking forward to bringing them back out for this next baby due in May!

K’tan carrier - This was my most used item with both D and S in the first few months. I find this carrier really easy to use and wear, and love the various wearing options it provides for your baby’s different stages. I put S in this carrier when we are out and about, and at home when I need two hands and he doesn’t want to rest in his bassinet or on the floor. He is content being close to me, and I love the snuggles!

Ergo carrier - Though I primarily use the K’tan in the newborn phase, this is our favorite carrier for hiking or longer walks. It fits both my husband and I well. It’s extremely comfortable and distributes the weight evenly across your body. We used it from birth with the newborn insert, and it got even more use in later infancy and toddlerhood.

Halo Bassinet - I found with both babies nursing through the night, it was easiest to have them sleep right next to our bed in a bedside bassinet. I liked that they could sleep right next to me, but without fear of pillows/rolling into me. The halo is great because of it’s see-through mesh sides and adjustable height. I kept each child in a bassinet in our room until they transitioned to floor beds in their own rooms around 6 months.

Ollie swaddle - We tried so many swaddles with D, but used this one from the start with S and it’s by far my favorite. It’s worth the cost because unlike others, one size fits all. It is super easy to put on, and it doesn’t ride up over their mouth. You can also secure it under their armpits so they can have free arms and hands too, while still feeling snug and swaddled. While newborns do not need to be swaddled, both D and S slept so much better at night when swaddled those first few weeks.

Topponcino - This is another item we used multiple times a day with each baby, to rest on and gaze at their mobiles from. When they lie on his back here, they are completely unrestricted in their movements. They are also free to stretch their arms and legs, suck on their fingers, and turn their head side to side. The topponcino also provided a safe way for D to hold S in her lap. S also took some short naps here!

Mobiles - Mobiles are the first Montessori material we introduce and were enjoyed by both our babies from 2 weeks on. These mobiles encourage visual tracking and focus without overstimulation. These mobiles are purely visual, but once our babies were reaching out, we attached ribbons, bells, and other tactile mobiles to this wooden play gym.

Boppy - This definitely makes nursing more comfortable, and my posture is better when using it. Though I’ll be honest, I use it much less with S because I was often nursing him on the go with a toddler running around! When supervised, I occasionally used the Boppy for an extra cushion when they were alert but fussy on their back, or for assisted tummy time. The black and white high contrast cards pictured are another favorite, as infants’ color vision is still developing.

UppaBaby stroller - This was one of our most appreciated gifts when S was born. There are so many customizations to this stroller, but our favorite was the toddler (rumble) seat with bassinet below. You can also easily pop in our UppaBaby carseat. It is perfect for outings and walks to the park and in the city, when the diaper bag is full and I need a break from wearing baby. This time around, with bigger kids, we are trying the Thule double stroller which also comes with a bassinet option.

Hatch sound machine/nightlight - We used these from infancy on with both kids. It functions as both a noise machine and a nightlight, as well as a time-to-rise toddler clock. You can adjust brightness, sound type, volume, and color from your phone, which has proved useful on many occasions!

Travel sound machine - We used this portable sound machine when we were on the go and it really helped with sleep when your baby (like ours) sleeps best with white noise. It can also play lullaby music.

Como Tomo bottles - With both babies, it was nice to have the freedom to pump and give a bottle from time to time (and for my husband to be able to feed him). These are by far my favorite bottle for new babies, as they mimic a breast in shape and feel. Both D and S preferred these bottles to any others.

Aden & Anais burpy bibs - You can never have too many burp cloths, and these are some the best. Not only are they super soft and come in fun patterns, but they can later be used as a wrap-around bib when baby starts solids! I also love Aden & Anais swaddle blankets.

Magnetic Me Footies - In terms of clothing, these are hands-down the best for quick changes. I especially love them for nighttime diaper changes. No snaps, no zippers, just magnets. Such a great invention!

Kickee Footies - These are my favorite comfy PJs - made from bamboo and oh-so-soft. The kids wore Kickee pajamas all through infancy and toddlerhood. They are nice and thin for summertime too, and come in really fun patterns and colors! They are available with footies or without, and with zippers or snaps.

Newborn Gowns - Lastly, these are my third favorite option for nighttime. Gowns make diaper changes a breeze! The brand Monica and Andy also make super-soft gowns, like the scooter one S is wearing below.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

A Jigsaw Puzzle Progression

What comes after knob and peg puzzles? One next step is jigsaw puzzles! I generally see interest for simple 2-piece jigsaw puzzles around age two. While some toddlers take off and are ready for giant floor puzzles within months, others stick with 2- and 3-piece puzzles for some time. There isn’t one right timeline, but there is a typical progression. I’ll share that progression as well as some of our favorites in each category.

2-3 piece puzzles

My favorite 2- and 3-piece puzzles are by Learning Journey. There are several versions of these 2-piece puzzles and these 3-piece realistic animal puzzles have been S’ favorite for a while now.

4-6 piece puzzles

My favorite beginner 4-piece jigsaw puzzles are these Melissa & Doug wooden ones with the border for each puzzle. I do wish all four weren’t on one board, but you can still start out by only putting out one puzzle (4 pieces) at a time, and then adding more as your child is ready for more of a challenge.

Note that there are lots of cute 4/5/6-piece puzzle sets such as this farm animal one, which are cute but often a bit trickier as they aren’t consistent sizes and it’s not clear where the pieces connect. A better option for toddlers is this set by Eric Carle, where each puzzle (of varying pieces) forms a rectangle.

12-16 piece puzzles

Transitioning to this many pieces is usually a pretty big jump for toddlers, as they go from being able to clearly see how 3-4 pieces fit together, to having to do a lot of trial and error with a dozen or more pieces.

There are a variety of 12-piece puzzles, including the beautiful ones pictured by artist Jo Collier (gifted to us by Playroom Collective). Others include simple jigsaw puzzles by Mudpuppy (I love the ziplock it comes with!) or these 15-piece ones by Puzzle Huddle. Melissa and Doug make some fun 12-piece wooden puzzles as well.

24-36 piece puzzles

Once your child gets to this stage, there are endless options for jigsaw puzzles! D first got interested in puzzles with more pieces through any type of jumbo floor puzzle. From there, some of our favorite jigsaw puzzle shops have included: Puzzle Huddle, Crocodile Creek, and Mudpuppy.

Note that your toddler will likely still enjoy wooden peg puzzles even after being introduced to beginning jigsaw puzzles, and your preschooelr who is able to do 48-piece puzzles might still enjoy simpler ones. We can offer both! Meeting our child where they are at with puzzles will not only boost their self confidence but also their frustration tolerance, concentration, and problem solving skills!

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Raising Helpers

One of the most wonderful things about toddlers is how they so inherently want to help. They are eager to be involved, be near us, and to participate in our day to day activities. What we deem “chores”, toddlers see as what they are: meaningful contributions to our family or community.

After toddlerhood, we often notice a shift. Children seem less intrinsically motivated to help and view helping more as a chore. This is a natural part of development: they are more independent and focused on their own work and play. They are discovering who they are and where their own interests lie, which is a beautiful thing. It also doesn’t mean it’s the end of helping!

How do we continue to foster this motivation and raise helpers beyond the toddler years? Here are a few tips that I’ve been keeping in mind in our own home lately. These can be incorporated in toddlerhood and well beyond!

Help our children - Our children learn how to help through us helping them. When we respond to their requests for help, they are more likely to do so in return. Often helping doesn’t mean doing a task for them, but rather offering just enough help to get them through a tough spot. 

Model it - Not only should we think about how we are offering help to our children, but how can we offer help to our partner, a friend, or our community? The more our children see us being helpers, the more likely they will want to be a helper too. 

Talk about it - “In our family, we help each other.” This is a phrase that we repeat often at home. The more we say and hear this, the more engrained it becomes and the more natural it feels to be a helper in the family. Importantly, this phrase is said in a gentle way, not as a command.

Make it part of the routine - When we make helping a part of our daily rhythm, it becomes natural. In our family, certain tasks are the kids responsibility every day: putting shoes and coats away, setting the table, feeding the dog, wiping up spills, tidying toys, etc. These tasks aren’t rewarded but rather just part of the routine. 

Offer opportunities - Sometimes we move so quickly through our own chores, we forget that we could involve our children. As much as possible, I try to do chores in front of the children so they have the opportunity to join in and help. Often what we consider mundane tasks are satisfying for our children. Having cleaning tools that are appropriately sized for our children make them feel especially capable.

Don’t force it - Inviting doesn’t guarantee our children will help. Even when these tasks are part of the daily or weekly routine, everyone has off days. We can offer grace and let it go. Often the next day, or at a different time, they are ready to help again.

Accept it as is - When our children do help, we may find that their “help” doesn’t lead to the outcome we desire. The dishes might not be as clean or the laundry might not be folded in a neat stack. When this happens, we can thank them for helping and appreciate it for the effort that went into it. Rather than correct them in the moment, we can model again another time, and try to be patient, as every skill takes time.

How can your child help today?

Children's Audiobooks: What we Love

I’ve always been a fan of audiobooks. I love entering into another world while I cook, pull weeds, or go for a walk. About a year ago, I introduced children’s audiobooks to D, and it has opened up a whole new world for her as well. She requests to listen to audiobooks daily. While they don’t replace reading physical books together, they are a wonderful addition.

What makes an audiobook different than a picture book?

Imagination - When children hear a story without pictures, their imagination takes the lead.  They get to imagine where the story takes place and what the characters look like. They imagine their facial expressions based on their tone of voice, and the scene based on words alone. They hear different accents, inflections, and pitches of voices that help them imagine each distinct character. 

Free Hands - Audiobooks can be great for winding down before bed, looking out the window in the car, or simply cuddling on the couch and listening. They can also be a wonderful way to free up the hands to play or move around while listening. D, at age 4, can get really immersed in pretend play or art while she listens to a favorite story.

Scare Factor - I’ve also noticed that children who are more sensitive to sensory overload do better with audiobooks than tv shows and even certain picture books. This is because listening to a story involves fewer sensory inputs: it’s only sound. When we hear something without seeing it, it’s less scary or overwhelming. 

On that note, audiobooks can also be a great way to transition from reality-based stories to a little more fantasy. Not only does it lessen the scare factor, but listening to a story about animals who act and talk like humans doesn’t feel so different than if the characters were human - you almost forget they aren’t. 

Our Favorites

There are endless audiobook options, but I’ll share some of our favorites so far. I’ve found collections of short stories are the very best for my 4-year-old (and my 2-year-old enjoys listening too). Each story is just the right length to hold their attention, and the stories flow naturally from one to the next. This makes it easier on a long car ride, rather than me or them having to choose a new story every 5 minutes.

Some of our favorite audiobook collections are: Frog and Toad, Little Bear, Anna Hibiscus, Amelia Bedelia, Winnie the Pooh, Juana and Lucas, and Julia Donaldson stories. Many of these are great for older kids as well. This list is not exhaustive; there is an evergrowing variety of audiobooks to choose from.

We often try out audiobooks via the library or the Libby app. We purchase our favorites on Audible or on CD. We have a CD player in the car and at home, and it’s often easier than listening via my phone or other fancier devices. D very quickly figured out how to operate the CD player and loves the independence it provides. S is getting there!

There are also read-along books we pick up from the library that offer a different kind of experience. These are fun for non-readers and readers alike. The kids pick a few each time we visit the library. There are newer Vox books with built-in audio but my kids actually prefer the books with CDs. D loves turning the page each time she hears the little “ding!”

Podcasts are another great way to listen to story, but I’ll save that post for another day!

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

7 Tips to Get Out the Door on Time

It’s back-to-school week here! With the excitement and the nerves also comes the anticipation of rushed and sometimes stressful mornings. My goal for this school year is to make it to school on time without rushing. It makes such a difference when we start the day off slowly and follow a routine. I know that this will require a lot of preparation (and self-discipline on my part!) Whether you’re trying to get out the door for school or any other activity, I am confident these tips will help your morning flow more smoothly.

Practice - Reflect back on recent stressful mornings…which parts were the most challenging? If a child is frustrated by not being able to put on their own shoes, can we help them master this skill more indendently? Making time in the slower afternoon or weekend to practice skills such as this can make the more hurried times less tense.

Prep Ahead - Certain choices and tasks can be done ahead of time to minimize the morning to-do list. For example, we can let children choose their outfit the night before. I also like to make packing snack boxes/lunches easier by chopping fruits and veggies and making sure the pantry is stocked on Sunday.

Organize Entryway - Although admittedly challenging to maintain, an organized entryway is a game changer for efficiently getting out the door. When everything we need for the morning is already at the front door, we eliminate the need to run around and zoom in and out the door before leaving. In our house, this means having low hooks for the kids’ backpacks and coats, a basket for socks and hats, and a low shelf for shoes. This also makes it easier for them to put everything away as soon as we get home.

Allow for Autonomy - Independence looks different at different ages, but even the youngest of toddlers want a sense of control. The more control they feel, the less meltdowns occur. This means giving them opportnities to get themselves ready. It also means offering choices. Can we let them serve their own cereal or make their own toast? Can they help pack their lunch box or backpack? Can they choose between the two pairs of shoes by the front door?

Routine Chart - Young children crave predictability and routine. It gives them comfort to know what comes next and confidence to be able to initiate that next step. Routine charts are a great way to establish a new routine. We have made a number of routine charts, cards, and checklists over the years, both with our own photos and these printables from The Creative Sprout. We typically reference these for the first few weeks of a new routine, and then bring them back out as needed throughout the year.

Set the Timer - Sometimes it’s simply the transition from morning play or breakfast to getting ready to go that’s the challenge. Our favorite tool for transitions are to set a song or a timer to indicate when it’s time to end one activity and start another. The kids know that when the song or timer ends/beeps, it’s transition time. Playing or singing the same song during a morning routine can be a really gentle but effective way to move things along.

10-minute Buffer - One trick I always count on is to prepare to be early. When we plan to be somewhere 10 minutes early, we are usually on time. That 10 minute buffer allows for the unpredictable and often inevitable slow down to occur! And occasionally, we’re actually early.

What are your favorite tricks to getting out the door smoothly?

Our Favorite Cooperative Board Games

We love cooperative board games in our house! Board games in general have been a great way to spend 1:1 time with D and also fun to play as a whole family on the weekends. Cooperative games in particular offer a great alternative to traditional early board games like shoots and ladders or candy land.

Cooperative board games shift the focus from competition between players to working together against the board. Working together as a team helps the kids practice their communication and planning skills, as well as patience in taking turns. This plays out in the real world too. These games even impact the types of imaginative games D comes up with when playing with S or her friends. 

I also find these games to be more enjoyable to play with the kids. They never end with “I win!” Or “I wanted to win!” Instead, we celebrate together, or simply try again! 

First Orchard

This is a great first cooperative board game, best for toddlers ages 2 and up. The goal of this game is to fill the basket with colored apples before the raven reaches the orchard. The rules are simple: roll the die and if you land on a color, move the corresponding color apple to the basket. If you roll the raven, move the raven one step towards the orchard. This game helps with color recognition, sorting, and learning how to take turns. I also appreciate that in this game designed for toddlers, the pieces are large and wooden rather than small and cardboard.  

Friends and Neighbors

This game says 3 and up but I’d say it’s best for ages 2 to 4. It has a sweet premise: to find the object that will help a friend or neighbor feel better. This ends up being mostly a matching game. The object of the game is to help all the friends before the stop sign fills up. Before the game starts, pick one board to fill together. Then take turns picking tokens out of the bag to see if the object on it helps someone on your shared board. If it does, you place it on your board; if not, you place it on the stop sign. It’s a simple game but starts some good conversations about community, helping, and emotions. 

Hoot Owl Hoot!

We don’t own this game but have heard wonderful things! This game is playable around age 3. This color-matching game doesn’t involve any reading, so it’s easy for even younger players to join in with a bit of assistance. In this game, the owls have ventured out during the night and want to fly home before sunrise. Take turns drawing cards and move an owl of your choice to the corresponding color on the board. When you draw a sunlight card instead of a color card, daylight draws a bit nearer. Everyone works together to move all of the owls home before daybreak. 

Snug as a Bug

This game has three levels of play, making it great for 3 to 5 year olds. The object of this game is to help all the little bugs under the rug before the three stink bugs “stink up the place”. Each bug has four attributes: a specific color, shape, number, and size of eyes. In the basic version, you choose one attribute to look for, e.g. shapes and in more challenging versions, you roll a die to pick a new attribute each turn. Then spin the spinner and take turns finding bugs that match the specific color/number/shape/size you landed on. If there aren’t any bugs that match, a stink bug appears. It’s a silly but fun game that incorporates a lot of key concepts for preschoolers! 

Their “Stink Bug” Faces :)

Stone Soup

This game says 5 and up but I would say it can be enjoyed by 4-year-olds too. It is essentially a game of memory but the added twists actually make it quite fun. The goal of the game is to fill the hot cauldron with ingredients before the fire goes out. To start, all the pieces go face down on the board (this includes pairs of ingredients, a magic stone, and fire cards). Take turns picking up two cards, looking for matches, and you can help each other in the process! When you find a match, you add it to the “soup”. If you pick up a fire card, you add it to the fire. It’s a race to find all the ingredient pairs before the last fire card! 

Baby Dinosaur Rescue 

This is another game that has different versions/levels so that it can be enjoyed at different ages, though I’d say 4 is a good starting age. The object of this game is to get all the baby dinosaurs to the island before the lava reaches them. This game involves both playing cards and the board. Each time you take a turn and play a card, you either move one of the baby dinosaur tokens forward on the path toward the island or get the lava closer to the valley. This game involves some strategy, as you figure out which baby dinosaur to move along the board and when to play certain cards from your hand. This is when collaborative games really shine, as you can help each other make decisions rather than competing alone! 

Outfoxed

This is the most advanced game of the bunch, but a 4-year-old can play and enjoy this with their grown-ups. In this game, a sneaky fox has stolen a pot pie and it’s up to you to work solving clues to solve the mystery of who is guilty This game involves a lot of pieces including a board, cards, dice, tokens, and figurines. Each round reveals a clue as to which of the foxes stole the pie based on what they are wearing or holding. There are fun surprises along the way and children love playing detective! I like that there isn’t anything scary about this “whodonit” game while still being a fun mystery to solve. 

These are the cooperative board games we have enjoyed in our family so far! I know there are many others, and I look forward to playing even more as our kids get older! What are your favorite board games to play with your kids right now?

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

It's okay for our toddlers to say "no"

Right around the age of two, “no” becomes a favorite word. “Are you ready to put on your shoes now?” “No.” “Would you like me to help you?” “No.” “It’s time to get in the car.” “No.” “Do you want to go on a super fun adventure that involves snacks and playing in water?!” “No!” Does this sound familiar? ;)

When toddlers say no, they are learning how to exert their will in a meaningful way for the first time. They are realizing they are their own unique person with their own thoughts and opinions. They are letting us know loud and clear that they are their own person with a strong will and personality.

When we think about the kind of human we want to raise, this is it! We want our children to hold boundaries, to stand up for themselves, and to be strong and independent. Why does this feel so hard at age two?

It’s all about balance. We want to give our toddlers plenty of opportunities to exert their will, to feel independent and capable, and to set their personal boundaries. We also want to set clear and loving limits that they are able to follow. How do we do this?

Make Transitions Fun

Transitions are often the time we hear the most “no’s” from our toddlers. This is understandable: we are asking them to stop one fun activity and quickly make the switch to something else, often less exciting. One way to prevent our toddlers from saying “no” is to make transitions smoother and more fun in the first place.

Following a daily rhythm and knowing each step of their routines can give them comfort in knowing what comes next and feeling comfortable with the daily transitions. Being playful can lighten up the mood and slow us down in transitions. Examples of playful transitions: “Let’s hop like bunnies to the car!” or “Time to find your shoes! Where are they hiding?”

Offer Age-Appropriate Choices

Choices are another way to help our day flow more smoothly and to give our toddlers a sense of autonomy and confidence. There are lots of choices we can offer our toddlers throughout the day. Choices are appropriate for toddlers when both answers are viable options. Examples of toddler choices might include:

• “Would you like blueberries or bananas with your oatmeal this morning?”

• “Which shoes would you like to wear, red or blue?”

• “Do you want to walk or ride your bike?”

• “Would you like a hug or a high five?”

While choices are incredibly powerful for toddlers, there are also times when choices aren’t appropriate. While it is kind to offer limited choices rather than boss our toddlers around, it isn’t kind to offer a choice when there really isn’t one.

Avoid giving options when there really isn’t a choice 

Pause before asking a question or offering a choice. Consider if you are really okay with either answer or the option you are about to give. For example, when you ask “Are you ready for bedtime?” is “no” really an acceptable option?

If there is only one appopriate response, do not pose it as a question, simply state what you want. Rather than ask, “Are you ready for bed?” you could state, “After this book, we are going to start bathtime.”  

You could also offer two choices that both result in starting bedtime. For example, “Would you like to brush teeth or put on pajamas first?”

When they still say “No”

There are plenty of times when toddlers still say “no” to the choices or statements we offer. These moments can feel so frustrating, especially when our toddlers say this on repeat.

When S responds with “no”, the first thing I ask myself is “Is this something that really must be done now?” and “Why?” Oftentimes I can give S a bit more time and with that extra time he is able to finish what he is doing, process what I said, and feels ready to follow my request. Other times he is saying “no” to joining in something that he just doesn’t feel comfortable doing, and it’s more than okay for him to set those boundaries and opt out.

If “no” really isn’t an option, I validate his feelings and help him to follow my directions. If he is tired, hungry, or having an off day, I will often acknowledge what he has said and repeat myself once before helping him. For example, if he doesn’t want to leave the park: “You don’t want to leave the playground and go home. It’s hard to leave. It’s time to go to the car.” I often then need to gently help his body: “I’m going to pick you up now and carry you to the car.” 

What we can control

While we can’t control how our toddler responds to us, we can control our response to them. When we acknowledge their wants and feelings, they feel seen. When we respect their boundaries, they feel safe. When we stay calm and confident, they feel secure with us. When we find a healthy balance of giving our toddlers autonomy and loving limits, we both feel better.

Finding a Caregiver you Trust

The process of finding a nanny or babysitter can be stressful and intimidating. Entrusting someone else to care for our children can bring up anxious feelings. Yet caregivers are necessary and helpful for many families. As someone who had great trepidation over leaving each of our children with date night babysitters for the first time, I hope this post can answer some of your questions and relieve some of your anxiety so you can go into this with courage and confidence! I will be channeling this courage too as we navigate finding a date night sitter for the first time since before the pandemic began.

How do I find a nanny or babysitter?

1. Ask friends and family

2. Local Facebook parents group

3. Nanny Websites or Agencies

What qualifications do I look for?

This depends on the ages and needs of your child(ren) and family. If you are looking for a mother’s helper a few days a week, a neighborhood high school student may be a great fit. Once they have spent time with your family and learned about your children, you may feel comfortable leaving your children in their care for a date night. Providing these opportunities to teenagers can even help to inspire our next generation of teachers and caregivers!

If you need full-time care or are looking to homeschool, you might prefer someone with a master’s in education or Montessori training. Each family’s needs are slightly different. It’s worth it to take the time to think about the ideal situation for your family before reaching out to find care.

Note: If you are posting on the internet or talking to a nanny agency, you can be a bit more specific about the way you parent. Mentioning Montessori and respectful parenting can help you to find a caregiver who matches your needs.

Must haves:

• Adult, infants, and child CPR/First Aid certification 

• Professional/Personal references (call them) 

• A background check (if you are hiring someone from the internet)

• Clean driving record (if they will be driving your children)

What questions do I ask them?

Ideally these questions are asked in person during an interview. I recommend inviting your potential nanny or babysitter over when your child(ren) are around so you can see how they interact with your child with you present. These are just a few sample questions. These will also depend on the type of care you are seeking.

“Why did you start nannying/babysitting?” 

I like to hear that they enjoy playing with my kids, helping them to learn and grow and that they enjoy being in a home setting because it helps my children to feel more comfortable. 

“What ages of children have you worked with?”

Though a nanny or babysitter could have years of experience, I like to know they have experience caring for children roughly the same age as mine. When I check references, I want to be sure to talk to a former employer of theirs who has/had children of similar ages if possible.

“What do you enjoy about working with children?” 

I like to look for an answer that shows me that this person cares about my children’s happiness and is not here just because they think babies are cute. 

“What is your preferred method for putting a child down for a nap?”

Most answers are okay, as I leave details about our own family’s routine. Having an answer to this question means that they have spent time learning and trying out different ways of helping kids to fall asleep. This shows me that they have taken the time to learn more and are observing children to learn what works well for them. 

“Are you comfortable preparing meals?”

It’s okay with me if they are not, but it will indicate how much I need to prepare food ahead of time.

“What do you enjoy doing in your free time?” 

I like to get a feel for this person’s personality and see if we have common interests. Getting to know them helps me to feel more comfortable when I leave my children in their care. 

“What is your favorite activity to do with children?”

Having an answer shows me that they have spent enough time with children to have a favorite activity. It also gives me a sense of what they might spend time doing with my children. Lastly, it lets me know that they understand what kinds of activities are age-appropriate for my children.

How do I prepare my toddler?

I find this transition works best when it’s a slow start. Whether it’s grandparents or a date night babysitter, I like to first spend time all together so that my children see me interacting with the caregiver. This lets my children know I trust that person and they can too. Then, I invite the caregiver to watch the children while I’m around but not invovled. Finally, I leave, but for a shorter time. Next, a longer time. This has allowed them to warm up in a gradual way.

Another important piece is preparing the kids the day of each event, so they know what is coming. I’ve found that children feel more comfortable when they know that I will be leaving a few hours before I actually go. So we talked about what would happen and then continued with our day as we usually would.

How do I actually say goodbye?

When the time arrives for me to actually depart, I let the kids know that I am getting ready to go but do not say any goodbye until I am about to walk out the door. I know from working in a toddler classroom that drawn out and unpredictable goodbyes are extremely hard for toddlers. Leaving without saying goodbye can also be scary and confusing for them. 

When I say goodbye, I give each child a quick hug and kiss goodbye and say "I love you so much. We will be back before bedtime." Being clear, confident, and calm as I say goodbye is so important. As is being honest about when I will return. Even though I might feel nervous, I know I have to exude confidence for the children to feel that too. There are typically some tears, but I trust any caregiver I leave them with to comfort them and help them through any hard feelings while we are gone. Often the tears end as soon as I am gone and everyone has a good time.

What is a Daily Rhythm?

What is a daily rhythm and what makes it different from a schedule? Schedules are often rigid, encompass each moment of the day and follow a clock. A daily rhythm on the other hand is fluid and leaves time for spontaneity, while still providing a general pattern to our days. Though the exact time at which things happen might change day to day, the general flow of events is quite similar, even season to season. For example, in summer, bedtime might be a bit later, but the events leading up to it remain the same. In the summer more free play will be spent outside, and walks might be quite a bit longer than in winter.

In a world so big, young children are often overwhelmed, but having a daily rhythm allows them a sense of control over knowing what comes next. This is empowering and comforting to them, and often for us as adults too! 

A daily rhythm also allows us to move at a slower pace. Rather than pack in a bunch of events (even fun ones!) into a day, we can make sure there is plenty of time for free play. This allows children time to become engrossed in whatever they are drawn towards. 

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Following a daily rhythm allows for more flexibility than a strict schedule. No day is exactly the same, nor should it be. We travel and go on day trips and adventures. We have playdates and soccer class. Some events happen 1x a week and some 1x a month. Some are planned and some are spontaneous. A daily rhythm allows for this flexibility while still meeting everyone’s needs for routine. 

How can you create a daily rhythm?

What works for one family doesn’t necessarily work for another. Your daily rhythm will look different than mine. If you are interested in creating one but don’t know where to start, first begin with the fixed aspects of your day (such as mealtimes, naps, or school) and then plan a rhythm around that. It also helps to jot down things you want to happen every day (e.g. periods for uninterrupted play, walks, reading) and add those in. There may be other things (e.g. art projects, baking together, library outings) that you make a specific day for each week, or just choose to do spontaneously. When creating your daily rhythm, try to avoid adding the times, at least at first. Focus more on the pattern of events, to reduce pressure and let the day happen organically.

I have included a template you can print to create a daily rhythm yourself! Click the image below to download.

6 Common Misconceptions about Montessori at Home

This week I’m breaking down some common misconceptions about Montessori in the first few years. I bring up these misconceptions because too often I see people dismiss Montessori for reasons that aren’t even true. I completely believe in every family choosing the parenting philosophy that works best for them, but I do hope everyone has the correct information about their options first, and then chooses from there! I hope this helps clarify some of the hot button Montessori topics in the first few years.

Photo by Megan Hooks Photography

1. Kids have complete freedom

It is true that independence is a cornerstone of Montessori. Providing the youngest of children with choices and making our homes accessible promote their capabilities, confidence, and motivation. However, we give our children independence within clear and safe boundaries, in age-appropriate ways. We call this freedom within limits. We offer choices and set clear limits. Young children want predictability and to know that the adults are in control and that their environment is safe. When they receive mixed messages about their limits, they test to see what is and is not acceptable until they feel they are able to predict their environment again.

For example, a freedom is how much to eat at mealtimes. A limit is that we sit down while we eat and that the grown-ups decide what food is offered. A freedom is choosing which books to read before bed. A limit is that we read three books. A freedom is running and playing as loudly as they want. A limit is where that kind of running and play happens (outside).

2. The Shelf is the most important part of Montessori

Looking on the internet, it might appear that the materials on our shelves are the main focus of how we practice Montessori at home, but that is far from the case. Montessori is not defined by the shelf. 

The most important material in your environment is YOU. Preparing yourself is the first step in anything we do in Montessori. Our language, attitude, and response to our children are more impactful than anything on their shelf. 

Montessori is also about learning with all of our senses engaged. It is about learning through movement, learning through our hands, and above all, it is learning about and in the beautiful natural world we live in. The richest learning environment we can give our children is not their shelf at home, but the natural world around us.

3. Our children eat and play alone

While we do encourage starting infants and toddlers on solid foods at a small weaning table, we do not encourage eating alone. A small table encourages independence by getting in and out of the chair as well as reduces throwing and dropping behaviors as there isn’t as far for food to fall. In toddlerhood, the weaning table offers a way for children to set their own table and serve their own snack. Our babies and toddlers are not sitting here alone though. We typically sit on the floor or on a small cushion and join them. Often we also use a high chair for family dinners and meals that pulls right up to our kitchen or dining table.

Similarly, it is true that we encourage independent play as it allows our children to concentrate, problem solve, get creative, and fulfill their own interests. However, it is always balanced out with time together. Often we are sitting right next to them as they explore toys on their own and we talk to them when they look to us for feedback, labels, or conversation. We also spend quality time with them during transitions, such as diapering or toileting, dressing, preparing food, and cleaning. Though not always in the photos, Montessori is about connection as much as concentration.

4. Pretend play isn’t allowed

While it is true that fantasy is discouraged in the early years, it is not true that pretend play is discouraged.

One reason why it can feel as though pretend play is discouraged is because of the emphasis on reality over fantasy. In Montessori we encourage real activities that teach children about the world we live in and give them rich sensory experiences. We also lean towards books and materials that are based in reality. When young children read books that describe real places, people, and animals, they develop a sense of wonder for the world we live in. Books based in reality help to explain the already-gigantic world we live in.

When we let young children lead their own pretend play, we see them create scenes all on their own. These scenes mimic what they see in the real world and in their books. Pretend play offers them a way to work through new experiences and test out new ones. When we provide toddlers and young children with all that the real world has to offer, their pretend play only becomes richer and more fun for them. Sometimes pretend play is with dollhouses and other times it is using the shelf materials themselves in a creative way.

5. Montessori Children Aren’t Social

It is true that children are not forced to share in Montessori. They are also not forced to play with others. Rather, we let the child decide whether to play alone or with others. There are always opportunities for both in a Montessori classroom. We model kindness and compassion ourselves. We give children the opportunity to collaborate and resolve conflict themselves.

Often people bring up the social aspect when children are just toddlers. Toddlers aren’t social beings yet. Though toddlers enjoy being around people, especially family members, they are mostly engaging in parallel play - playing beside not with peers. It isn’t until age 4 or so that children share common goals in their play. Understanding typical social development tailors our expectations of chlidren’s social play and lets them take the lead.

6. Children are Forced to do Chores

Sometimes people see toddlers washing windows or 3-year-olds sweeping the floor and think that this has been forced upon them. Rather, cleaning up is something we model and build into our daily rhythms. It is something that young children really want to be a part of. In Montessori, we invite even the youngest of toddlers to join us as we go about our daily tasks. Toddlers feel valued and helpful when they get to be a part of these important jobs.

As children reach preschool age, we do encourage cleaning up after oneself, e.g. when we make a spill, we wipe it up. The goal isn’t to “make children clean” but rather to instill a sense of personal responsibility, caring for our shared environment, and learning to work together as a family or community.  We model this ourselves and help each other out as needed.

I hope that helps clear up a few of the most common misconceptions I hear about Montessori at home in the first few years. Montessori looks different in every home and every family. Find what works for you!

Our Favorite Nature-Based Spring Activities

As soon as Spring emerges, I find it hard to stay inside for long. Especially since having children, I have a new appreciation for witnessing nature “come alive”. From the bright flowers to the tiny insects to puddles, there is always something to explore. It’s always a reminder for me to slow down, and to get down to my children’s level, to simply appreciate what is growing and living around us. As we spend more and more of our days outdoors, these are some of the activities that are keeping us busy as we welcome Spring.

Planting Seeds - Though I don’t have much of a green thumb, I am drawn to gardening this year especially, as we spend our first Spring in our new home. We went to the garden store together and selected seeds that we thought would be interesting to watch grow and fun to harvest. I used the Old Farmer’s Almanac to determine when to start planting seeds. Our hope is to grow a few vegetables and herbs for cooking, strawberries to enjoy on hot summer days, and wildflowers for attracting butterflies and flower arranging.

Gardening/Weeding - There is so much to do in the yard beyond planting! To help keep our plants growing, the kids can help me water, weed, and eventually harvest our vegetables. We found these toddler-sized gloves and other garden tools at our local gardening store!

Flower Identification - It is much more fun for the children to have names for each flower as we notice new blooms in our own yard and on our neighborhood walks. To help them with identifying, I printed off these Spring flower cards by Little Spark Company. Though they can be used for matching or 3-part-cards indoors, our favorite use for them is identifying and matching in nature. Last year, we also made our own wildflower cards for our walks in the forest!

Flower Arranging - The children have loved using flowers from our own yard (or even bouquets I’ve purchased at the farmer’s market) to make flower arrangements in vases. D uses scissors to clip stems and both of them place the flowers in small vases to add to the dining table, their low table, or a coffee table. It’s a lovely way to bring a bit of spring inside. This year, D also helped me plant and arrange flowers in a pot for our porch!

Flower Pressing - To press flowers using a flower press, the children either collect flowers from the garden or petals from the ground while we are out on a walk. It takes a few weeks for them to completely dry, but once dried, they can be used as an art addition or framed for display! For a more immediate reward, check out a sunprint kit to create flower and plant designs on photosensitive paper.

Bird Feeders - Adding a bring feeder to our backyard has brought an impressive number and variety of birds. Last year, we made these DIY orange feeders which we look forward to making again soon! My children love refilling our other bird feeders and watching the birds come and go throughout the day.

Bird Identification - Once we have our bird feeders up this year, we will observe and take note of the types of birds that visit it. Being able to name each type of bird is empowering and fun for the children. We love this book as a field guide for identifying backyard birds.

Farmer’s Market - Our local farmer’s market starts back up in the Spring and it is our favorite place to go on the weekend. It is such a great opportunity for the children to hear live music, support local farmers and makers, and meet new people. We often learn something new about where our food comes from!

Scavenger Hunts and I Spy - One of our favorite ways to mix up our daily walks is with scavenger hunts or “I spy”. I draw or print out a card with various pictures of items to find as we walk. This depends on the season, but in Spring I might include types of flowers, insects, and other things like a white fence or a dog. D also really likes to play “I spy” where we trade off by saying “I spy something blue” or “I spy something that starts with “/b/” and try to guess.

Puddle Jumping and Boot Scrubbing - Rain is a big part of Spring for us, and one that we welcome! The children love nothing more than splashing in puddles. When their rainboots get muddy, no problem! This creates a fun outdoor practical life opportunity. We fill up a big bin with soapy water and some brushes, and let them clean them off again!

What Comes Before Writing?

Often as parents, we want to rush into teaching our children how to write. I get it - it’s such an exciting time! However, if we push our children into something before they’ve built the foundation and before the intrinsic motivation is there, it leads to frustration all around. When we wait until our child is in the sensitive period for writing and we’ve helped build a strong foundation through grasp refinement, there is joy and confidence.

It also helps to keep in mind that children’s hands must go through a long series of micro-developments before they are able to hold a pencil properly. Preparation of the hand starts in infancy, and many of the materials we give infants and toddlers help them to coordinate movements and build up the hand muscles that will help them to accomplish many tasks, including writing when the time is right for them. 

A Timeline: The lead-up to writing

• 3-5 months: purposeful grasp

• 6-8: whole hand “raking” grasp 

• 9-10: pre-pincer grasp (between thumb and fist)

• 11: inferior pincer grasp (finger pad to pad)

• 12: pincer grasp

• 12-18 months: begins to hold a pencil with a fisted grasp

• 2-3yrs: begins to use all fingers on a pencil with arm movements

• 3-4yrs: begins to use tripod grasp when holding a pencil

*Note that all children have their own timelines. This is simply a typical progression.

Infancy (0-15 months)

When our bodies are learning new skills, we typically learn by first using our core and then moving outward to more fine movements. This means that our youngest infants are working by moving their whole arm, then elbow and fist, then with their hand.  Grasping mobiles between month 3 and 5 help them practice all of these movements. An easy DIY is placing a large bell, or wooden ring on a ribbon and hanging one from a hook or simple activity gym. 

Once our infants are sitting and moving around more we offer baskets of balls, and boxes to drop balls into. These activities are usually discussed as ways to encourage large gross motor movements, but they also encourage the development of the palmar grasp into a more refined inferior pincer grasp. Additionally, these activities allow infants to practice releasing objects at a specific time, which is a skill developed around 7-8 months. 

(Click photos below for links)

Toddlerhood (15 mos - 36 mos)

Toddlers are still moving their whole body, while also beginning to refine their pincer grasp. We first see this as they pick up small pieces of food and find every possible crumb left on the floor! There are so many ways to promote hand development in toddlerhood, through both gross and fine motor work.

We can give toddlers materials with large knobs, such as puzzles or knobbed cylinders to develop their grasp for later handwriting. We can give them activities to strengthen their hand muscles, such as play dough to manipulate, tongs to serve snacks, or sponges to squeeze and wipe the table. We can offer simple opportunities at mealtimes to focus on coordination and control, such as sprinkling chia seeds on oatmeal or peeling a satsuma. We can offer activities to strengthen arm and wrist movements through a fisted grasp, such as providing large wooden spoons and big paintbrushes on vertical surfaces. We can give them containers to open and close and small objects to hold (with supervision). The possibilities are endless. 

(Click photos below for links)

Three years and beyond

Between three and four, children often become interested in writing. It is important to establish a strong foundation for the writing that will come. When we break down all the aspects of writing, we can see which areas to focus on: fluid yet controlled movements, working from left to right, and the joy felt from expressing oneself.

Materials to aid in fluid movements: painting, window washing, and polishing

Working left to right (the same way we write): 3-part cards and matching work, cooking (when ingredients are placed in order of when to add), as well as practical life work such as transferring

Control in movements: Beading, scooping, pouring, and pin punching.

If we lay the groundwork in this way and then wait for our children's sensitive period for writing (typically emerging between 3.5 and 4.5), they will be driven towards repetition, interest and excitement without any pressure from us!

(Click photos below for links)

Sensitive period for writing

Typically the sensitive period for writing emerges between 3.5 and 4.5. There is a wide range, so it can help to look for signs that a sensitive period is emerging. Here are a few I noticed with D: At the park and at the beach, she uses sticks to make shapes and figures in the sand. At home, she scribbles grocery lists beside me and tells me exactly what each “word” says. She asks about letters and words and their associated sounds. When presented with any work that involves writing, she is 100% focused and absorbed in it. 

My role came next: setting up the environment to meet her interest and needs. At home, I provide simple and fun ways for her to practice writing without focusing on writing letters. For us this means shape stencils, tracing, and lines in colored sand. It also means including all the work she has enjoyed before that will continue to help her in her writing journey: beading, sewing, practical life, and sound games. Slowly but surely, with all of her newfound intrinsic motivation, and with a bit of guidance from the adults around her, she will joyfully teach herself to write.

(Click photos below for links)

Fostering a Love of Writing

To wrap this up, it’s worth noting that the most important component to fostering a love for writing is us! We are our children’s role models and the way we use our hands and write directly impacts our children’s desire to do the same. If we are not writing or working with our hands around them, they will not see why it is worthwhile to put in all of the effort necessary to learn to write. This has been something I have to remind myself of daily! 

We can write shopping lists out by hand, write down ideas our children tell us, and even carve out time in the day to write for fun. We can also use our hands to create in other ways. Crochet, drawing, crafting, woodworking, and sewing are just a few ideas. It is so beneficial for our children to see our hands work in these creative ways. 

(Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!)

An Introduction to Sorting

Sorting is an activity toddlers begin to enjoy as they enter the sensitive period for order. In a world so big, order gives them a sense of control and comfort. One way toddlers create order is through categorizing, or sorting. We see this naturally through play as toddlers group or line up vehicles or animals together. We can also set up specific activities to help toddlers learn about new kinds of categories. Color is an obvious category to start with. Though toddlers may be able to discriminate colors and categorize earlier, we don’t typically see them sorting in their play until 18-21 months.

Sorting Bowls or Tray: When I first introduce sorting, I use these colored bowls and chips. I find beginning sorting activities are more successful when it involves matching too. To keep this as clear and simple as possible, I start with only two colors and two or three chips of each color. I like this set of bowls/chips because the color variable is isolated, meaning the only characteristic that’s different between the two chips is the color.

You can also replicate this at home with what you already have, for example, a blue and red cup and blue or red objects you have around. You just want to make sure that the objects are all identical except for the color. Otherwise, young toddlers will be confused whether they are sorting by type of toy, shape, or any other number of characteristics.

To set this up, I put the blue and red bowls on a tray with the chips in a neutral, separate bowl, or simply on the tray. I place the two bowls in front of me, with space in between, and pick up one chip. I label it with one word e.g. “red” then pause and say “red” again. I slowly place the red chip in the red bowl. I repeat this with the rest of the chips, labeling and sorting accordingly. Toddlers may not let us get through them all, and that’s okay. We can simply let them have a turn with it.

We do not want to correct in the moment. It’s okay if they put the chips in bowls, not paying attention to color. That tells us that they aren’t ready for this or that we need to model again. We can wait until another more appropriate time to model and then give them a few more chances to explore. If they are enjoying it but not sorting by color, let them play with it as they wish. Children all develop this interest and skill at different times. If it’s frustrating to them, consider removing and waiting a few weeks to rotate back in.

Once our toddler masters this simple sorting task, we can introduce more colors and more chips. We can also move on to a sorting tray, in which we set out three pairs of objects and let them sort into the divided spaces of the tray. As with before, we ideally want only one variable to be different, e.g. if they are sorting by shape, make sure all other features of the objects are the same except for the shape. Examples include sorting by size, texture, or shape. Objects found in nature can be great for these activities!

Older toddlers can do more complex sorting, such as sorting vehicles into land/water/air or sorting living vs. non-living things. Primary-age children can sort animals by continent or sort objects by their beginning sound. There are also plenty of practical life applications for sorting. We can let our toddlers sort items of clothing, sort socks by pairs, or sort silverware from the dishwasher into the silverware holder. The sorting possibilities are endless!

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Color Bowls and Chips

Small sorting tray (larger one was from a sensory box)

Toob vehicles (DIY sorting scene)

Sandpaper letters

Miniature objects

Children’s utensil sorter

A Montessori Approach to "Clean-up Time"

“How do you get your kids to clean up after themselves??” This is one of my most frequently asked questions. And one of the most frequent comments parents have when observing a Montessori classroom or home is how tidy it is. There are a few reasons for this.

1. Maria Montessori believed in providing a beautiful and orderly environment for children. Young children are able to focus better and feel more at peace when their spaces are clean.

2. Less clutter allows for more movement in the shared space.

3. Children are a part of the community, and that means we all help each other keep our shared space clean and safe. This includes cleaning up after ourselves.

Children are more willing to help clean up after themselves in a classroom vs. a home because rules and expectations are often more clear at school, and home is where they know they are safest and comfortable. That being said, there are many ways we can help our children, even toddlers, consistently clean up after themselves when playing at home too. Most children are capable of cleaning up after themselves by 18 months, but children can be increasingly independent with age and practice.

Have a place for everything - It is very important to have a specfic spot for everything. Our children can only put toys and materials away if they know exactly where it goes. It is especially helpful for children if they can see what’s available just by looking at the shelf, e.g. books facing outward, materials on trays, and toys in clear bins or wire baskets (see Polished Playhouse post!)

Only put out what they can put away - This often means minimizing what is out at a time. The amount that is displayed depends on the child - their age and their current interest in dumping vs. cleaning up after themselves. In general, less is more. A toddler can put away 8 blocks, but not 48. I always encourage rotating materials more often and having less out at one time to prevent toy and mess overload.

Model it - We are our children’s best role models and they are ALWAYS watching. If we slowly model putting a material back on the shelf before we choose a new one, they are far more likely to do so too. It is also helpful to think about how we model tidying up after ourselves throughout the day. If we leave our own spaces cluttered, they are more likely to as well.

Make it part of the routine - The more we incorporate it into our day, the less of an issue it becomes. Most days, clean up happens naturally as we play. The children know that we put one work away before choosing the next. When they are busy playing independently with open-ended toys, they know that we clean up before rest time, or at least before bedtime.

Wait for a Natural Pause - It’s important not to interrupt a child who is concentrating with something to remind them to put a work away. If my child hasn’t put a work away and has already moved on, I wait until they are done with the new work before pointing out the one that need to be put away. This lets them know we respect their work and their concentration while still following through on clean-up.

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Especially in a home versus a classroom, there are times when the children are playing independently, particularly with open-ended toys, when toys aren’t put away one at a time. This isn’t a bad thing, but it can lead to a bigger mess, and one that is harder for young children to initiate clean-up with. For S (17 mos), I simply continue to model. With D (3), here are some strategies I use:

Frame in the positive - When simple reminders are needed, I try to phrase in the positive instead of the negative. Instead of saying “You can’t ___ until you clean up!” I’d frame it in a positive light, e.g. “After you put these toys away we can make snack together!" That subtle difference makes a big difference.

Play a bell or Sing a song - Something about music makes everything feel easier and lighter. One tip is to ring a bell when it’s clean up time. Another is to sing a simple song together. These little tricks can make a big difference.

At the end of the day, we pick up toys, pick up toys, pick up toys

At the end of the day, we pick up toys, and put them all away.

Tomorrow we’ll take some out again, out again, out again

Tomorrow we’ll take some out again, and have fun when we play!

Offer choices - When there are toys all over, and it’s feeling overwhelming, it’s helpful to break it down and offer choices. For example, "Would you like to put away the blocks or trains? You choose." I typically help by cleaning up the one she doesn’t choose first.

Empathize - On that note, it’s important to show compassion. If our child is tired or hungry or just having a hard day, it’s okay to let the clean-up expectations go. In these instances I’ll say "It's been a long day. You can help or stay close to me while I tidy this up." That way, D is still involved in the process, seeing empathy modeled, but not forced into cleaning.

Keep in mind that all of this is a gradual process. I always recommend starting small, and giving them a little more responsibilty as they get used to being an active participant in the clean-up process. Our patience is key to clean-up being a positive and natural follow-up to play, rather than a battle of wills!

A Montessori Introduction to the Alphabet

Note: This is an updated version of my blog post from last year, after learning through teaching my daughter!

In Montessori education, learning to read and write is a gradual, natural, and tangible process that begins unconsciously. Already D is learning how to write. By using her pincer grasp to transfer objects and hold knobbed cylinders, she’s learning how to hold a pencil. By moving her paintbrush in zigzags and circles on the page, she’s learning the fluid movements of cursive. By hearing the beginning sounds of words, she’s learning how sounds combine to make words. There is no rush to this process; all children will learn to write and read in their own time.

“What the hand does the mind remembers.” - Maria Montessori

A common theme you will see in Montessori education is starting with the concrete and moving to the abstract. The more children can work with their hands, the better they will grasp the concept in their mind. (Same goes for adults!) The more we use multiple senses (sight, touch, sound), the more neural connections are made in the brain. This is especially true when it comes to literacy. For example, a Montessori child learning the letter “m” will hear the sound of the letter, then the feel and flow of the sandpaper “m”, and the look of “m” on paper, all at the same time. This makes learning letters not only more memorable and tangible, but also more fun.

Here are a few elements that make the Montessori introduction to the alphabet a bit different:

Phonetics - Rather than read the letter (e.g. B as “bee”), the focus is on the sound each letter makes (e.g. “buh”. (It’s important not to draw out the “uh” part but rather make it a short “buh” sound.) Children learn to sound each letter out, helping them to later combine sounds to make words. It’s much more intuitive and helpful for a child to spell “cat” when they know the letter sounds than the letter names. “Cat” vs. “See-ay-tee”! We focus on the

Writing > Reading - It may seem counterintuitive, but Montessori teaches writing before reading. Children are more easily able to put letters (sounds) together to make a word than they are able to connect the letters in words on paper or in a book. By learning the sounds/phonetics of each letter, they can begin to create words themselves. You will often see primary-age children building words with the moveable alphabet, even before they can physically write words. Creating words in this concrete way helps the mind truly understand the meaning of each letter and word, before writing with pencil and paper, and often before reading.

Cursive - Not every Montessori school teaches cursive, but this is the traditional method. Though it may seem outdated, there are real benefits to learning cursive before print. With cursive writing, letters physically connect to form words, and words are spaced in sentences. Cursive also involves fluid movements which are easier and more natural for small children (look at their drawings or paintings!). Print is typically easier to pick up after first learning cursive.

Putting this into Action

Pre-Writing: When I first wrote this blog post last year, I introduced the letter with the sound. Though she showed initial interest, that was replaced with confusion about the letters. So now, I’ve removed the letter symbols for the time being, while instead finding small ways to familiarize her with letter sounds and writing skills. The first way I can help prepare D for writing is by providing materials and activities that allow for fluid movement and the pincer grasp. Though she’s had plenty of practice with fluid movements in the form of art, I really love this prewriting board by Treasures from Jennifer. This board offers beautiful patterns to trace, with a finger, small wooden stick, or beads, that pave the way for future cursive writing. On the reverse side are shapes! Whether or not you have this board, any kind of tracing is great pracice for later writing.

Learning Phonemes: I’ve learned through experience that it is very important to first introduce the letter sound without the letter symbol at all. This can happen naturally as I label objects, e.g. “buh-ball!” in our play and exploration. Simply labeling objects and the sound they start with can be a great introduction to learning letter sounds. When she began to recognize a few letter sounds as we talked about them, we began to play simple sound games with familiar objects. Her favorites are “i-spy” and “mystery bag”. For I-spy, I set out 3 or 4 objects and say for example “I spy an object that starts with the sound “cuh” and she finds the cat. This helps familiarize her with the actual meaning of letter sounds before introducing the abstract letters themselves. Another challenge is “i-spy” around the house or outside, where she has to find an object not in front of her, e.g. “I spy something that starts with “ff” and she finds a flower.

A little more advanced than I spy is the stereognostic or mystery bag, where I hide the familiar objects in a bag and say “Can you find the hidden object that starts with “Puh?” and she pulls out a pumpkin for example. I love this one because she has to hold the image of the object in her mind as she feels around with her hands. It’s important not to over-correct during these games, but rather take note of what they DO know, adjust expectations, and acknoweldge what they are trying to show you. “Oh you found the a-apple!”

Sandpaper Letters: The most traditional Montessori approach to introduce the alphabet itself is through sandpaper letters, which allow a child to trace the letter, feeling its pattern and hearing or making the sound. There are different opinions about which letters to start with but often it’s m, s, t, and a. These are all used frequently and can easily form words when combined together. Letters are introduce in lowercase first, as that is seen much more frequently than uppercase. When I introduce a new letter, I use the three period lesson to do so.

Sound Tray: Since letters are pretty abstract, a fun way to make them more concrete is through a sound basket or tray. I like “S” as it’s a familiar and frequently used letter. When D is ready, I can put the “s” sandpaper letter in a tray with several objects that start with that sound: a sailboat, school bus, spider, and strawberry. When I show her this work, I simply lay the letter out, and slowly trace it with my index and middle finger as I make the sound “ss”. Then I label each of the objects, ensuring I make a clear “s” sound at the beginning of each word. She can then make the connection between the look, the sound, and the feel of the letter, as well as how it sound with real life objects. I use familiar objects (otherwise it’s important to first use the three-period lesson to introduce each object) and then play games such as “I spy” with each object to familiarize her with the objects and sounds. This activity helps her to group these objects in her mind, as things that begin with the same sound.

Sound Matching: Once she seems to have an understanding of a set of letters, I will create a matching activity with two letters and sets of objects. She can then sort each object depending on the sound it starts with. So if I had a basket with the letter “s” and “a”, she could figure out which letter “spider” goes with and which “airplane” goes with. Another fun variation once your child knows a few sounds is to play the “I Spy” game where you ask “I spy something that starts with “a” (showing them the letter) and they have to pick something from the basket (or around the house) that starts with that sound.

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There is no one perfect age to introduce these activities, but in my experience, phonemes can be introduced around 2.5 and actual introduction of the sandpaper letters after age three. Every child is different, so follow yours and their own interests and abilities. :)

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Organization Tips from Nicole of Polished Playhouse

Do you have those accounts on Instagram that you just look forward to every day? Nicole’s account, Polished Playhouse, is that for me. Every space, organization hack, and post she shares provides such inspiration. Books on photo ledges? Brilliant. Paint in a soap dispenser? Genius. What I love most about her ideas is that they are practical and purposeful for parents, while following the child’s need for independence and order. I was so grateful when she agreed to do this interview, as I know she will inspire so many of you too. This interview was also perfect timing as I followed her tips for our new play and art spaces! Find even more inspiration from Nicole on her website, Polished Playhouse.

Hi Nicole! I am so excited to learn more from you. Could you tell us a little bit about yourself and your family?

Our family lives in Maryland outside of Washington, DC. I have two sons Jonah who just turned four and Shiloh who is almost three months. I am originally from Grand Rapids, Michigan and my husband is from Sierra Leone. We lived in Washington, DC for eight years before moving in 2018 for more space and peace from city living! Aside from Polished Playhouse I work for the DC government in school accountability. With my work, I observe PS - 12th grade classrooms and write reports based on what I observe in the areas of classroom environment and quality of instruction.

What inspired you to start The Polished Playhouse?

I started my career in education as a preschool teacher. I was inspired to start Polished Playhouse after having my son Jonah. I did a lot of home learning activities with him and wanted to create a space to document our activities and share with other parents. I quickly learned that kids toys, crafts, and just stuff could get overwhelming very quickly. So, I started to share ways that I was keeping everything organized and together. 

I would like to copy and paste your playroom in my home! How do you think about the way you design your space? 

I like things to be function and aesthetically pleasing but making a space function is always top of mind. We limit the amount of toys we have out at one time and always make sure everything has a place. I always try to center my son’s interest in the spaces that I create for him. Right now he is really in to building so I made sure there was a lot of floor space for him to build. He’s had phases where he’s really been into art or sensory play and I build the space around making room for those materials first. Our current space was also built around creating a separate space for Shiloh. The shelves are on opposite sides of the room and have materials more appropriate for him.

What are your top three playroom essentials? (toys/materials)

1. A large shelving unit to hold/display toys. We use the Kallax unit from IKEA. It is both durable and affordable and makes it easy to display toys directly on the shelf or in bins. 

2. Open ended toys like blocks and magnetic tiles. Having open ended toys limits the amount of extra materials you have to buy. You can use the same things over and over for a variety of different activities. 

3. A variety bins/baskets to keep everything organized. Our playroom motto has always been “everything has a place,” this has helped us to keep everything organized. 

Everything in your playroom is beautifully organized. What are your best organization tips when it comes to toys and books? 

1. Everything needs a place. If you don’t have space for something, consider an alternative that you can store. In our last house I really wanted a play kitchen but we just didn’t have space. Instead we used bowls, toy pots and pans, and wooden play food that we could easily store.

2. Use storage solutions that children can see through or in to. I use a mix of wire baskets, transparent containers and shallow wicker baskets. If children can’t see what’s on the shelf and are looking for a particular toy or activity, they will just dump everything out until they find it. This leads to less meaningful play. 

3. For books we use low wall shelves and display only a few at a time. This has allowed Jonah to select his own books and utilizes vertical storage and frees up more space in your storage unit for toys.

What expectations do you have of Jonah? Does he help with the tidying as he plays or at the end of the day?

Yes, he is expected to tidy up after he plays. Having the organized baskets helps him to know where everything goes. Sometimes he works really hard on building something with blocks or magnetic tiles and we let him keep his structure up to continue building the next day. Other than that we put everything away each night. He’s always been very big on order. So thankfully we really don’t have to prompt him much to clean up. 

Is your playroom shared by your two children or do you have two different spaces for each of them? Do you think this will change with time? 

We currently have a shared space. Our hope is to keep it this way. I love the idea of them being able to play together eventually and for Jonah to model for Shiloh how to use different materials. 

As Shiloh becomes more mobile, do you plan to re-organize your playroom? If so, what will that look like?

My biggest worry with the shared space will be choking hazards for Shiloh as he becomes more mobile. Our plan is to remove any small toys/parts and have them in a separate space just for Jonah. As he becomes more mobile and his interests emerge I may have to do some reorganizing based on what he likes. We also currently have our art supplies at child level. Eventually we hope Shiloh will be able to access them independently like Jonah. But, we may have to store them away until he also learns to use them independently.

What tips do you have for making the playroom baby-safe? 

1. Limit small parts that baby could put in their mouth. 

2. Cover all outlets with baby proof covers. 

3. Place paint and other art supplies out of reach.

4. Anchor all large furniture pieces to the wall. 

What advice do you have for parents who are trying to create or re-organize a playroom for two or more young children?  

You have to start by decluttering! Most parents of young children have too many toys. With birthday parties, holidays, and other milestones it can all get overwhelming really fast. I suggest getting rid of (or donating) toys that are broken, unused, or that don’t interest your children. After you’ve done that you can create a system to cycle through toys so that you only have a few out at a time. I also always encourage parents to get their children involved to help maintain their space as well. 

Anything else you’d like to add or recommend? 

Things will get messy. There is no way around it but having systems in place to quickly get everything back in order will lead to much less stress and more meaningful play for everyone. 

Thank you, Nicole! Read more from and about Nicole on her website, Polished Playhouse, or on Instagram, at Polished Playhouse.

Nicole has been such an inspiration for me as I begin to organize the kids’ open-ended toys and art supplies at our new house. I can’t wait to put her brilliant tips and hacks into action!

Calm Down Time

As a mom of a 1-year-old and 3-year-old, I can tell you that our days are filled with many waves of emotions. Young children experience every feeling wholeheartedly. They are working through how to navigate and regulate these big emotions. How we respond to these big feelings in the first few years plays an important role in how they express and manage emotions later in life, so I take my job very seriously. I want my chlidren to know that there are no bad emotions. Every single one of us experiences the whole spectrum of emotions, and they each serve a purpose. So rather than “fix” emotions, I want my children to embrace their emotions while also having the skills to calm themselves down. My role is to listen, acknowledge, confidently lead by example, offer comfort, and the tools to self-regulate.

For tips on navigating early toddler behaviors and emotions, see this post from when D was 14 months old, 18 months old, and two years old. In this post, I’ll be focusing on D, at 3 years old.

As someone who has lived with anxiety my whole life, I have learned the importance of the body and brain connection. If I can calm my body, I can calm my brain. The same is true for children. One of the best things we can do for our child is to give them the tools to calm their body and therefore their mind. Breathing exercises, movement, visual aids, and finding something peaceful to focus on are all useful tools. “Finding calmness” via mindfulness and relaxation techniques isn’t just for managing anxiety; it is useful for moments we feel excited, angry, hurt, happy, tired, or any other emotion.

Since D was two, we have practiced “calm down time” when she’s feeling big emotions and needing a breather. More recently, we have begun to implement a calm down basket. Currently, this basket includes:

• Breathing book

• Glitter jar (DIY)

• Marble mover

• Mindfulness cards

• Stuffed animal

Other ideas include weighted blankets, bean bags, yoga, and sand timers. When D was two, her favorite calm-down board book was this one. We keep this basket in our living room for whenever she needs a little break, or “time in”. This is not somewhere I force D to go, but rather a place she can choose to go or I can invite her to join me in. There are plenty of times we sit and do breathing exercises just for fun! It has become a ritual before rest time as well. I have reaped the benefits of mindfulness through these activites myself.

Examples of Situations this might be used in:

Tantrums

When D throws a tantrum (usually over not getting something she wants), my first step is listening and acknowledging her words and feelings. “I hear you. You really want to eat snack. We had our snack and we are having dinner very soon. I know it’s very hard to wait sometimes.” Even if I could give her snack, I don’t because we already set our limits (which she knows ahead of time.) It’s really important to stay firm on whatever limit has been set, but to listen to her and be there while she feels her feels. I try to stay close and not say much after my first acknoweldgement, besides repeating “I hear you”. I let her know I’m available for a hug. I make sure her body is safe, and if needed, I take her to our "calm-down spot” or I invite her there as she is beginning to calm down. There we can practice our breathing together or she can just sit with her glitter jar or stuffed animal. If she doesn’t want to, that’s okay too.

Hurting Someone or Something

All children have moments of frustration which can lead to physical behaviors. These days, D is pretty good at telling S “That’s my work!” and if that doesn’t work, “Mommy, I need help!” But there are still times when S pushes D’s buttons and she pushes him away from her toys. In these moments I first make sure everyone is safe. I say “stop” and separate them if needed. I first check on S and make sure he’s okay. “Are you okay, S? I’m sorry that happened to you.” I offer him comfort. Then I turn to D and let her know I need to keep them both safe so I separate them or remove the item that was not being used safely.

I then ask if she’d like to check on him. I also ask her what she thinks we could do to make him feel better. “Do you think he would like a hug or something soft to hold?” Sometimes I hold her hand while she checks on him or brings him a toy. When everyone is calm again, I remind D that we don’t hurt each other. “If we are frustrated, we can use our words and ask for help.” Either before or after this, I invite D to the calm-down spot with me. Again, this is not at all a “time-out”, but rather a place to find calm and be alone or together depending on what she’s needing.

Anxiety

When D is feeling nervous about something, I listen to her concerns and nod. I acknowledge her feelings. “You are nervous to ride your bike on the pump track.” or “You feel worried about me leaving right now.” In the bike example, I don’t force her to ride. I let her sit out and watch other kids if she’s not ready, and offer to go next to her if she wants to try. In the example of me needing to leave, I do leave but I confidently tell her I love her and I’ll be back in 30 minutes (usually it’s just a trip to the grocery store these days!). I always say goodbye and I always come back. If we are home, she can choose a comfort from the calm-down basket. I also try to keep something of comfort in our backpack, such as the marble mover or her baby doll (she takes her everywhere).

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Respectful Responses to "WHY??"

"WHY?" For at least the past 6 months, this question has been a constant. D, like many 3-year-olds, is wonderfully curious about the world. She wants to know why that boy is feeling sad, why the ocean has bubbles, and why green means go. Toddlers and young children observe and absorb everything they hear, see, and touch, and have an endless desire for information. So the short answer to why all the “why’s” is that they genuinely want to know. We, as their parents, are the experts. I learned this the hard way when I responded with an “I’m not sure” and was met with an alarmed “But you know EVERYTHING!”. This reminded me just how much weight my words hold, and the importance of how I respond.. Though she will soon learn that I do not indeed know everything, I want my answers to match the authenticity of the questions she asks.

So when D asks me "why", I give her answers. I respond in the best way I know how, and try to make sure my answers are appropriate for her level of understanding. There are times I don’t have the answers, but as mentioned above, saying “I don’t know” causes her to be upset and uncomfortable. I realized this response upsets her because when she senses I am uncertain about something, she feels nervous and insecure. In a world so big, young children see us as their safe harbor; their confident protectors. So instead, when I don’t know the answer to her “Why” I say “Give me a minute to look that up” or I suggest that we look up the answer together. This satisfies her curiosity while being honest that I don’t have every answer immediately.

One of the most interesting things I’ve found about the “why’s” is that she so often asks questions she already knows the answers to. After I thought about this, I realized she isn’t actually doing this to annoy me, but rather because she thrives on repetition. Just as young children love to sing the same song or read the same story again and again, asking the same question and hearing the same answer gives them a sense of comfort in knowing what to expect. Once again, they are looking for reassurance from us, their parents.

That doesn’t mean I always answer the same question on repeat. Rather, I put the ball back in her court and ask, "Why do you think?". My tone of voice is so important here. We want to ask them questions in the same voice we want them to ask us questions: in an authentic and curious voice rather than sarcastic or exasperated. When it's a familiar question, she usually enjoys answering the question herself. Sometimes instead of “Why do you think”, I get better responses by rephrasing the question with choices she knows the answer to. “Do you think that ____ or ____?” Often switching from open-ended questions to choice questions gets a young child to answer because they don’t feel put on the spot. Sometimes I’ll even give a silly response that she knows is wrong and then she will laugh and correct me. Being playful can be a great response too!

That being said, sometimes the "why's" turns into a test or game. The tone of voice of her "why" changes from curious to repetitive and demanding. Often children do this when they want our attention or to get us a little fired up. Again, toddlers test to make sure we are in control, and they so want us to be. So I offer an answer to D’s "why’s", but if she starts into the "why spiral", I let her know I've already answered and I don't have anything else to say about it right now. I then change the subject or ask her a question instead. I say this kindly but with confidence. This helps to avoid the spiral while also not ignoring or diminishing her questioning. After all, I want her to continue to be curious and inquisitive, but respectful as well.

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