"Extra" Activities vs. Free Play

Do I sign my toddler up for that gymnastics class or just let them jump off cushions at home? Is my child going to be behind if I don’t sign them up for a music class? What if I benefit from these classes as much as my child? Does this activity align with Montessori? These are the types of questions that I often hear from parents of young childen and questions I’ve even asked myself.

Let’s first talk about how organized activities might fit in with Montessori. This isn’t a simple answer. Some Montessori families are involved in a variety of extra activities/sports/classes and some families none. It’s a personal choice, but one that should be the child’s as much as the adult’s. And by no means are any organized activities necessary for young children. I’ll share how we think about it in our family.

If you’ve been here a while, you won’t be surprised to hear that we try to find a balance of planned activities and free time, leaning more heavily on the free. I want my children to have plenty of time and space to independently explore and discover. This, however, doesn’t rule out other activities. This spring, the kids are each signed up for one weekly class. We offered a few options for them to choose from that fit with our schedule and weren’t a huge time commitment. D chose dance (continuing from fall and winter) and S chose soccer. In addition, we take the kids to the pool once a week and S to an gymnastics open playtime when D is still in school. Beyond that, their free time is spent playing, often independently and with each other. That might be at home, in our backyard, with friends, or at local parks and playgrounds. 

Different families will make different choices that fit their needs and schedules. I can see clear benefits to both organized activities and free play that are worth laying out for those who are trying to decide what feels “worth it”. I’d also like to add that although babies and toddlers can’t always choose to be involved in an activity, they can be really beneficial to parents who might otherwise not have social opportunities (oh hey, pandemic). It’s okay to consider yourself in these decisions!

Organized Activities 

• Learning or building on a new skill 

• Following directions from a new adult

• Stepping out of comfort zone 

• Expending energy

• A special weekly outing 

• Time with new peers

• Opportunity to meet other parents

Free Play

• Doesn’t cost anything

• Endless room for creativity

• Open exploration and discovery

• Free movement 

• Opportunity to grow in independence

• Time with family or friends

• No time constraints

Although our family prioritizes free play above all else right now, I recognize that the kids may choose to be involved in more organized activities when they are in elementary school and beyond. As with all things parenting, priorities and interests shift with time, and different circumstances necessitate different choices!

Hiking with Little Kids

One of my favorite memories from childhood is hiking. Though I know I didn’t enjoy every second of our hiking and camping adventures as a kid, I only remember the fun stuff: playing “hug a tree” with my sisters and finding the best hiking sticks with my dad.

Now that both the kids are good walkers, my goal this summer is to do at least one hike a week together. It can be intimidating to head out on a hike with kids at this age (especially when my husband isn’t able to join us), but I never regret it when we do. We are so lucky to live in the PNW where there are so many beautiful hikes just a short drive away.

S and D enjoy and benefit so much from these hikes. D is much more focused on the goal: getting to the destination (e.g. the beach or mountain top) than S is and she loves to check our field guides to identify plants and creatures along the way. They both love moving their body and pushing their physical limits. At the same time, they both make many stops along the way, to pick up tiny objects and notice small insects or flowers.

I also benefit from these hikes with them! Hiking is something I have enjoyed since before kids and I love getting to share it with the kids. It’s a form of self care for me too!

Hiking Tips

Let them take the lead! When we pick a kid-friendly hike and allow plenty of time, it’s more fun for us all. Children gain such confidence from getting to lead us on hikes rather than the other way around! While exploring new hikes is really fun, going back to old ones can be especially motivating for young children who feel more confident and capable there.

Take lots of breaks. Bring more water and snacks than you think you’ll need. I try to plan for one snack per hour plus a packed lunch for our destination. Breaks happen far more often than 1x per hour though. When we allow for lots of stops, we get to notice all the small things our children notice, such as hidden bugs, forts, or “bridges” or the sounds of birds in the trees above.

Bring a kid carrier. While S likes to walk as far as he can, he still needs breaks or even a short nap in the Deuter carrier. We used this for D up to age 3, but now, at almost 4, D is hiking the whole way on our 3-4 mile hikes. 

Have a destination in mind. The hikes don’t have to be “epic” for them to be enjoyable and rewarding. Toddlers find excitement in stumps, dirt, and hidden bugs. But it can be especially motivating for preschoolers to have a destination to hike to: a river to wade in, a beach, a great view, a waterfall or a field of wildflowers. This makes all the effort feel worthwhile and offers a new sensory and visual experience for the kids too. 

Quit while you’re ahead. Aka when your child is still happy! If you’re new to hiking, start small and flat. Build up from there as they become more accustomed to hiking. It’s okay to have a picnic lunch before the destination and decide to simply turn around!

What we Pack

This is crucial! I’ve learned the hard way. I have a google doc for packing lists, including half day hiking trips. Your packing list will vary depending on where you live and what kind of hike you are taking. Below you’ll find a few of our kid essentials for hiking. In addition to snacks, lunch, and water for the kids, don’t forget your own food and supplies too!

Playground Etiquette

As the weather warms and restrictions ease up, the playgrounds are filling back up with families. For many children, and parents, this might be challenging to navigate, particularly after a pandemic year. Challenges include following playground rules, social expectations, safety issues, and having to finally leave the park. How do we allow our children independence to explore while helping them navigate social and safety expectations? How do we help them build confidence, both in their body and social skills?

Establish Park Rules Early

Decide on your general playground rules ahead of time and discuss them with your child. This will vary by age, with simple but clear limits for toddlers and room for discussion and independent choices for preschoolers and up. Here are some examples of questions you might ask yourself:

• Are there any areas of the park or playground that are off-limits?

• Are you okay with your child going up or down the slide when another child is at the bottom?

• Does this rule change if the slide is busy and there is a line forming?

• Will you and your child wear masks? Shoes? Sunscreen?

Observing vs. Hovering

This will also depend on the age of your child. With infants, we can shadow them but let them take the lead in exploring and play. With toddlers, we can stay back but remain nearby to offer help or enforce rules as needed. With preschoolers, we can stay in a predictable and visible location and keep an ear out, while also enforcing rules as needed.

With each age group, we want to let them follow their own body’s limits, giving them a sense of confidence and capability. This means rather than placing them up on a high tower, letting them climb up however high they can on their own. In general, children can get down independently if they can get up independently. If we place them up high, they often feel stuck and rely on our help.

When there are other parents nearby, it can help to not all hover together around the children. This often leads to parents feeling pressured to intervene unnecessarily. Instead take a step back if there is already an adult close by or if you are interested, chat with the other parents! You can both step back and give your children some space to play while you talk with one another. The park is agreat place for parents and children to make friends and find community.

Social Conflicts

It is normal for small conflicts to arise between children at the playground. Often children have different ideas about how to use the playground equipment or want to use the same thing at the same time. There is no need to intervene in every instance. Often, even young toddlers can work out their issues without adult intervention. By preschool age, it’s important to give them a chance to problem solve, as this is the most effective way for children to develop their social problem-solving skills.

However, there are times when a child is getting hurt, physically or emotionally, and it’s appropriate to intervene and make sure everyone is feeling heard and safe. For example, if my toddler is blocking the slide, I would first point out that another child is waiting. If they still didnt move, I would gently move their body. If my preschooler is blocking the slide and I happen to be close to her I might say “It looks like someone is waiting for a turn, it’s time to hop down so that they can slide.” If I’m not nearby I would let it be (and hope that they communicate to each other). If they end up crashing into each other, I would still pause, but if it looks like someone is hurt or upset I would go over to give comfort and brainstorm solutions for next time with them. 

Often conflicts arise over sand (or other personal) toys. If there are a lot of children, I prefer not to bring sand toys that my children might feel “ownership” over or might get taken on accident. When we do bring sand toys in a smaller setting, we talk about how it’s okay to let other children use these sand toys in this shared space. I encourage turn taking but don’t force sharing or giving back (until it’s time for us to leave). It’s okay for rules and expectations to be a little more relaxed in a public setting.

If one of my children is upset by something another child did, I offer comfort to them and let them stay with me as long as they need. I don’t say anything to the other child or parent (that’s not my job); I just verbally acknowledge what happened. Once they have recovered, we often move on to a different activity.

Leaving the Park

The hardest part of a playground visit for my kids is often saying goodbye. It’s tough to leave a really fun place! It can help to give children a heads up a bit before it’s time to leave. As toddlers don’t understand the concept of time, we can let them know there is time for one more activity before we go and let them choose. If they don’t want to leave the slide specifically, we can let them know how many more turns will happen before going home (or they can choose the number!) When the time comes to leave, it can help to say “bye bye” to the playground/slide/etc.

With children who are preschool age, timers can work well. We can let them know we are setting the timer for 5 minutes and when it rings, we are going home. Sometimes giving them one more heads up before the timer goes off (e.g. 5 minutes and then 2 minutes) is helpful too. Lastly, we can talk about when we will come back to this playground again, so that saying goodbye is only temporary.

Sometimes, even with warnings, children are upset about leaving the playground. Although it’s tempting to just let them play longer, it’s important to stick to our limit. If we continue to budge on the time, our children will remember that and expect that limit to budge the next time too. When we are consistent about our limits, they trust our words more, and feel less desire to test.

If they are upset when it’s time to leave we can simply listen and acknowledge. “You really want to stay at the park. It has been such a fun afternoon at the playground. You are upset about leaving.” If you feel any embarassment in this public setting, know that every single parent has or will be in that exact place too. Let your child feel their feels and help their body if needed.

Our Favorite Nature-Based Spring Activities

As soon as Spring emerges, I find it hard to stay inside for long. Especially since having children, I have a new appreciation for witnessing nature “come alive”. From the bright flowers to the tiny insects to puddles, there is always something to explore. It’s always a reminder for me to slow down, and to get down to my children’s level, to simply appreciate what is growing and living around us. As we spend more and more of our days outdoors, these are some of the activities that are keeping us busy as we welcome Spring.

Planting Seeds - Though I don’t have much of a green thumb, I am drawn to gardening this year especially, as we spend our first Spring in our new home. We went to the garden store together and selected seeds that we thought would be interesting to watch grow and fun to harvest. I used the Old Farmer’s Almanac to determine when to start planting seeds. Our hope is to grow a few vegetables and herbs for cooking, strawberries to enjoy on hot summer days, and wildflowers for attracting butterflies and flower arranging.

Gardening/Weeding - There is so much to do in the yard beyond planting! To help keep our plants growing, the kids can help me water, weed, and eventually harvest our vegetables. We found these toddler-sized gloves and other garden tools at our local gardening store!

Flower Identification - It is much more fun for the children to have names for each flower as we notice new blooms in our own yard and on our neighborhood walks. To help them with identifying, I printed off these Spring flower cards by Little Spark Company. Though they can be used for matching or 3-part-cards indoors, our favorite use for them is identifying and matching in nature. Last year, we also made our own wildflower cards for our walks in the forest!

Flower Arranging - The children have loved using flowers from our own yard (or even bouquets I’ve purchased at the farmer’s market) to make flower arrangements in vases. D uses scissors to clip stems and both of them place the flowers in small vases to add to the dining table, their low table, or a coffee table. It’s a lovely way to bring a bit of spring inside. This year, D also helped me plant and arrange flowers in a pot for our porch!

Flower Pressing - To press flowers using a flower press, the children either collect flowers from the garden or petals from the ground while we are out on a walk. It takes a few weeks for them to completely dry, but once dried, they can be used as an art addition or framed for display! For a more immediate reward, check out a sunprint kit to create flower and plant designs on photosensitive paper.

Bird Feeders - Adding a bring feeder to our backyard has brought an impressive number and variety of birds. Last year, we made these DIY orange feeders which we look forward to making again soon! My children love refilling our other bird feeders and watching the birds come and go throughout the day.

Bird Identification - Once we have our bird feeders up this year, we will observe and take note of the types of birds that visit it. Being able to name each type of bird is empowering and fun for the children. We love this book as a field guide for identifying backyard birds.

Farmer’s Market - Our local farmer’s market starts back up in the Spring and it is our favorite place to go on the weekend. It is such a great opportunity for the children to hear live music, support local farmers and makers, and meet new people. We often learn something new about where our food comes from!

Scavenger Hunts and I Spy - One of our favorite ways to mix up our daily walks is with scavenger hunts or “I spy”. I draw or print out a card with various pictures of items to find as we walk. This depends on the season, but in Spring I might include types of flowers, insects, and other things like a white fence or a dog. D also really likes to play “I spy” where we trade off by saying “I spy something blue” or “I spy something that starts with “/b/” and try to guess.

Puddle Jumping and Boot Scrubbing - Rain is a big part of Spring for us, and one that we welcome! The children love nothing more than splashing in puddles. When their rainboots get muddy, no problem! This creates a fun outdoor practical life opportunity. We fill up a big bin with soapy water and some brushes, and let them clean them off again!

Gearing up Toddlers for All-Weather Play

“Let the children be free; encourage them; let them run outside when it is raining; let them remove their shoes when they find a puddle of water; and when the grass of the meadows is wet with dew, let them run on it and trample it with their bare feet; let them rest peacefully when a tree invites them to sleep beneath its shade; let them shout and laugh when the sun wakes them.”

— Maria Montessori - The Discovery of the child

How we prepare and talk about the weather has a profound impact on how our children experience the weather themselves. When we are curious and excited, rather than disappointed, our children are too. Montessori encourages spending lots of time in nature and letting children have the freedom to explore as they wish. It can get muddy, sandy, messy, and cold, but getting outside every day, even in less than mild conditions, helps our child adapt their bodies to their climate, boosts their immune system, and creates a lasting love of our world.

Gear for Toddlers

I’ve found that investing in high-quality rain and cold weather gear not only for S and D, but also for myself has made a huge difference in getting out each day. I like to make sure we all have comfortable tall rain boots, walkable calf height winter boots, a long rain jacket, warm layers, hooded puffy, warm hats, and gloves. For the kids, rain suits and rain boots are essential in the pacific northwest, as well as layers such as fleece or down underneath. 

I know this can get quite expensive, so I’ve shared some websites to find used outdoor clothing below. I’ve also gotten many high-quality hand-me-downs for the kids from family and friends.

Used Gear:

https://wornwear.patagonia.com/shop/kids-and-baby

https://www.rei.com/used/shop/kids-clothing-just-added

https://www.geartrade.com/clothing/kids

Rainy Weather

Tuffo Rain Suit - This has hands-down been the best purchase. As we live in the rainy pacific northwest, these rain suits ensure we get outside every day. I like that we can add plenty of layers under them too and that they scrunch at the ankles to keep rain out when puddle jumping.

Oakiwear Rain Jacket and Pants - When it’s not pouring and D just needs a rain coat for school, this is our favorite. You can also pair it with the pants to make a rain suit!

Stonz Booties - We didn’t use these ourselves but I’ve heard great things about them for babies and toddlers! They don’t fall off.

Bogs Rain Boots - These are my very favorite for toddlers. They are soft and flexible. S has stomped in every puddle and still come home with dry feet. It helps to have the rain suit over the top of the boots to keep rain from getting in.

Oaki Rain Boots - These are the best I’ve found for independent dressing. D can pull these on her feet in seconds which make them great for home and school.

Cold and Wet

Rain suit and boots mentioned above

Waterproof Mittens or Kid Snow Mittens - For all ages, mittens keep hands warmer than gloves! I like ones that scrunch at wrist to keep them on!

Warm base layer - A long-sleeved shirt, fleece layer, and wool socks under the rain suit and boots will keep toddlers extra cozy and warm!

Down coat under rain suit - On really cold and wet days, we do a long-sleeved shirt, puffy jacket, and the rain suit on top.

Warm hat - I really like any lined winter hats for toddlers, which can be found lots of places! Ear flaps are a nice addition for warmth.

Snow Days

One-Piece Snow Suit - This is the best snow suit for toddlers. I always size up to make it last two seasons. There are also less expensive versions many places, just make sure it’s waterproof too! D’s is just from Carter’s this year.

Stonz Booties - We didn’t use these ourselves but I’ve heard great things about them for babies and toddlers! You can layer to make extra warm in winter.

Lands End boots - The kids got these this year and they have been great for walking and playing in the snow! I like that they are velcro rather than laces.

Base layers - Cotton, fleece, or wool pants and long-sleeved top and wool socks under the snowsuit and boots (depending on how cold it is!)

Waterproof Mittens or Kid Snow Mittens - For all ages, mittens keep hands warmer than gloves! I like ones that scrunch at wrist to keep them on!

Warm hat - I really like any lined winter hats for toddlers, which can be found lots of places! Ear flaps are a nice addition for warmth.

Don’t forget yourself too! I am definitely going to invest in a rain suit myself but for now I have a long rain jacket, a good puffy jacket, tall rain boots, and lots of warm layers too!