The Flexible Montessorian

Lately I’ve been asking myself what it means to be a “Montessori family”. It’s become clear, after almost 5 years of incorporating Montessori into my own parenting, that there is no one way to be a Montessori parent. How we incorporate Montessori into our families and homes looks different for everyone, and even looks different over time within one family. Parenting, Montessori or not, requires flexibility and being open to change. Life changes, and our positions and priorities do too. 

Some areas that we have changed course on over the course of parenting: 

Book Choice: When we started our Montessori journey at home, almost all of our books were based in reality. This was in line with the philosophy and it made sense to me. It still does, AND we have also found equal value, and importantly joy, in books featuring talking animals. I found when purchasing books based only in reality, I was limiting the diversity of authors and stories that exist in our home. I was also limiting the free choice my kids had when browsing at the library. Now that my daughter is closer to 5, she chooses many of her own books and often they involve fantasy too. If it scares her, she asks me to stop reading, and when she has questions, I answer honestly. I have found that widening our library has only opened more doors! 

Screen Time: When the kids were babies, it was easy for us to be a “screen-free family”. As they grew, and we entered into a global pandemic, our thoughts and rules on screens changed a bit. At one point, a screen became the only way to see their grandparents and D’s teacher/classmates. It also offered me a break on some very long and challenging days. Luckily with kids back in school and family visits more frequent, we don’t rely on screens as we did in Spring 2020. But we haven’t cut them out completely either. The kids get to watch about 30 minutes of shows each afternoon. This happens at the same time every day, so they know what to expect and don’t protest when it’s over. They watch on the family TV rather than tablets, so they have to agree on what to watch together. Screens in other forms such as a phone or tablet are a rarity. This is a balance that works for our family, and may look very different for another family. That’s okay! 

Toys: Another gradual shift in how we do or don’t incorporate Montessori at home has been our toy purchases. Whereas classic, primary-colored Montessori materials filled our shelves in infancy and early toddlerhood, our shelves now are quite a bit more colorful and busy. As we don’t homeschool, our focus is simply on play at home. This looks like a lot of board games, puzzles, and open-ended toys, many Waldorf-inspired. Toy rotations happen, but only every couple of months rather than every couple of weeks. 

Even Montessori schools can make changes and assess their curriculum based on the needs of their group of children. Our school recently made the switch from introducing cursive first to print letters first. I see sound arguments for both, and haven’t questioned their decision as I trust it was well thought out and discussed. While we started with cursive for D, it has been a rather seamless transition to learning print now at school. I am told she will work more on cursive writing in her kindergarten year. I appreciated the school’s willingness to adapt to current times or needs, and it served as a reminder that we can all do the same. 

At the end of the day, more of how we “do Montessori” remains the same. We apply Maria Montessori’s philosophy in our home in so many ways: how we talk to our children with respect, invite them in our day to day tasks, give them time and space to freely explore their interests, seek out real world experiences, and set up an environment to grow in independence and confidence. Rather than let the Montessori philosophy dictate our choices, we let it influence our life instead.

"Extra" Activities vs. Free Play

Do I sign my toddler up for that gymnastics class or just let them jump off cushions at home? Is my child going to be behind if I don’t sign them up for a music class? What if I benefit from these classes as much as my child? Does this activity align with Montessori? These are the types of questions that I often hear from parents of young childen and questions I’ve even asked myself.

Let’s first talk about how organized activities might fit in with Montessori. This isn’t a simple answer. Some Montessori families are involved in a variety of extra activities/sports/classes and some families none. It’s a personal choice, but one that should be the child’s as much as the adult’s. And by no means are any organized activities necessary for young children. I’ll share how we think about it in our family.

If you’ve been here a while, you won’t be surprised to hear that we try to find a balance of planned activities and free time, leaning more heavily on the free. I want my children to have plenty of time and space to independently explore and discover. This, however, doesn’t rule out other activities. This spring, the kids are each signed up for one weekly class. We offered a few options for them to choose from that fit with our schedule and weren’t a huge time commitment. D chose dance (continuing from fall and winter) and S chose soccer. In addition, we take the kids to the pool once a week and S to an gymnastics open playtime when D is still in school. Beyond that, their free time is spent playing, often independently and with each other. That might be at home, in our backyard, with friends, or at local parks and playgrounds. 

Different families will make different choices that fit their needs and schedules. I can see clear benefits to both organized activities and free play that are worth laying out for those who are trying to decide what feels “worth it”. I’d also like to add that although babies and toddlers can’t always choose to be involved in an activity, they can be really beneficial to parents who might otherwise not have social opportunities (oh hey, pandemic). It’s okay to consider yourself in these decisions!

Organized Activities 

• Learning or building on a new skill 

• Following directions from a new adult

• Stepping out of comfort zone 

• Expending energy

• A special weekly outing 

• Time with new peers

• Opportunity to meet other parents

Free Play

• Doesn’t cost anything

• Endless room for creativity

• Open exploration and discovery

• Free movement 

• Opportunity to grow in independence

• Time with family or friends

• No time constraints

Although our family prioritizes free play above all else right now, I recognize that the kids may choose to be involved in more organized activities when they are in elementary school and beyond. As with all things parenting, priorities and interests shift with time, and different circumstances necessitate different choices!

A Jigsaw Puzzle Progression

What comes after knob and peg puzzles? One next step is jigsaw puzzles! I generally see interest for simple 2-piece jigsaw puzzles around age two. While some toddlers take off and are ready for giant floor puzzles within months, others stick with 2- and 3-piece puzzles for some time. There isn’t one right timeline, but there is a typical progression. I’ll share that progression as well as some of our favorites in each category.

2-3 piece puzzles

My favorite 2- and 3-piece puzzles are by Learning Journey. There are several versions of these 2-piece puzzles and these 3-piece realistic animal puzzles have been S’ favorite for a while now.

4-6 piece puzzles

My favorite beginner 4-piece jigsaw puzzles are these Melissa & Doug wooden ones with the border for each puzzle. I do wish all four weren’t on one board, but you can still start out by only putting out one puzzle (4 pieces) at a time, and then adding more as your child is ready for more of a challenge.

Note that there are lots of cute 4/5/6-piece puzzle sets such as this farm animal one, which are cute but often a bit trickier as they aren’t consistent sizes and it’s not clear where the pieces connect. A better option for toddlers is this set by Eric Carle, where each puzzle (of varying pieces) forms a rectangle.

12-16 piece puzzles

Transitioning to this many pieces is usually a pretty big jump for toddlers, as they go from being able to clearly see how 3-4 pieces fit together, to having to do a lot of trial and error with a dozen or more pieces.

There are a variety of 12-piece puzzles, including the beautiful ones pictured by artist Jo Collier (gifted to us by Playroom Collective). Others include simple jigsaw puzzles by Mudpuppy (I love the ziplock it comes with!) or these 15-piece ones by Puzzle Huddle. Melissa and Doug make some fun 12-piece wooden puzzles as well.

24-36 piece puzzles

Once your child gets to this stage, there are endless options for jigsaw puzzles! D first got interested in puzzles with more pieces through any type of jumbo floor puzzle. From there, some of our favorite jigsaw puzzle shops have included: Puzzle Huddle, Crocodile Creek, and Mudpuppy.

Note that your toddler will likely still enjoy wooden peg puzzles even after being introduced to beginning jigsaw puzzles, and your preschooelr who is able to do 48-piece puzzles might still enjoy simpler ones. We can offer both! Meeting our child where they are at with puzzles will not only boost their self confidence but also their frustration tolerance, concentration, and problem solving skills!

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Raising Helpers

One of the most wonderful things about toddlers is how they so inherently want to help. They are eager to be involved, be near us, and to participate in our day to day activities. What we deem “chores”, toddlers see as what they are: meaningful contributions to our family or community.

After toddlerhood, we often notice a shift. Children seem less intrinsically motivated to help and view helping more as a chore. This is a natural part of development: they are more independent and focused on their own work and play. They are discovering who they are and where their own interests lie, which is a beautiful thing. It also doesn’t mean it’s the end of helping!

How do we continue to foster this motivation and raise helpers beyond the toddler years? Here are a few tips that I’ve been keeping in mind in our own home lately. These can be incorporated in toddlerhood and well beyond!

Help our children - Our children learn how to help through us helping them. When we respond to their requests for help, they are more likely to do so in return. Often helping doesn’t mean doing a task for them, but rather offering just enough help to get them through a tough spot. 

Model it - Not only should we think about how we are offering help to our children, but how can we offer help to our partner, a friend, or our community? The more our children see us being helpers, the more likely they will want to be a helper too. 

Talk about it - “In our family, we help each other.” This is a phrase that we repeat often at home. The more we say and hear this, the more engrained it becomes and the more natural it feels to be a helper in the family. Importantly, this phrase is said in a gentle way, not as a command.

Make it part of the routine - When we make helping a part of our daily rhythm, it becomes natural. In our family, certain tasks are the kids responsibility every day: putting shoes and coats away, setting the table, feeding the dog, wiping up spills, tidying toys, etc. These tasks aren’t rewarded but rather just part of the routine. 

Offer opportunities - Sometimes we move so quickly through our own chores, we forget that we could involve our children. As much as possible, I try to do chores in front of the children so they have the opportunity to join in and help. Often what we consider mundane tasks are satisfying for our children. Having cleaning tools that are appropriately sized for our children make them feel especially capable.

Don’t force it - Inviting doesn’t guarantee our children will help. Even when these tasks are part of the daily or weekly routine, everyone has off days. We can offer grace and let it go. Often the next day, or at a different time, they are ready to help again.

Accept it as is - When our children do help, we may find that their “help” doesn’t lead to the outcome we desire. The dishes might not be as clean or the laundry might not be folded in a neat stack. When this happens, we can thank them for helping and appreciate it for the effort that went into it. Rather than correct them in the moment, we can model again another time, and try to be patient, as every skill takes time.

How can your child help today?

Children's Audiobooks: What we Love

I’ve always been a fan of audiobooks. I love entering into another world while I cook, pull weeds, or go for a walk. About a year ago, I introduced children’s audiobooks to D, and it has opened up a whole new world for her as well. She requests to listen to audiobooks daily. While they don’t replace reading physical books together, they are a wonderful addition.

What makes an audiobook different than a picture book?

Imagination - When children hear a story without pictures, their imagination takes the lead.  They get to imagine where the story takes place and what the characters look like. They imagine their facial expressions based on their tone of voice, and the scene based on words alone. They hear different accents, inflections, and pitches of voices that help them imagine each distinct character. 

Free Hands - Audiobooks can be great for winding down before bed, looking out the window in the car, or simply cuddling on the couch and listening. They can also be a wonderful way to free up the hands to play or move around while listening. D, at age 4, can get really immersed in pretend play or art while she listens to a favorite story.

Scare Factor - I’ve also noticed that children who are more sensitive to sensory overload do better with audiobooks than tv shows and even certain picture books. This is because listening to a story involves fewer sensory inputs: it’s only sound. When we hear something without seeing it, it’s less scary or overwhelming. 

On that note, audiobooks can also be a great way to transition from reality-based stories to a little more fantasy. Not only does it lessen the scare factor, but listening to a story about animals who act and talk like humans doesn’t feel so different than if the characters were human - you almost forget they aren’t. 

Our Favorites

There are endless audiobook options, but I’ll share some of our favorites so far. I’ve found collections of short stories are the very best for my 4-year-old (and my 2-year-old enjoys listening too). Each story is just the right length to hold their attention, and the stories flow naturally from one to the next. This makes it easier on a long car ride, rather than me or them having to choose a new story every 5 minutes.

Some of our favorite audiobook collections are: Frog and Toad, Little Bear, Anna Hibiscus, Amelia Bedelia, Winnie the Pooh, Juana and Lucas, and Julia Donaldson stories. Many of these are great for older kids as well. This list is not exhaustive; there is an evergrowing variety of audiobooks to choose from.

We often try out audiobooks via the library or the Libby app. We purchase our favorites on Audible or on CD. We have a CD player in the car and at home, and it’s often easier than listening via my phone or other fancier devices. D very quickly figured out how to operate the CD player and loves the independence it provides. S is getting there!

There are also read-along books we pick up from the library that offer a different kind of experience. These are fun for non-readers and readers alike. The kids pick a few each time we visit the library. There are newer Vox books with built-in audio but my kids actually prefer the books with CDs. D loves turning the page each time she hears the little “ding!”

Podcasts are another great way to listen to story, but I’ll save that post for another day!

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Back-to-Preschool Essentials

It can be overwhelming to find the right gear for kids at school. Though there are far more options than I can list, here are some of my favorites for my own kids. I also consulted a current Montessori teacher for her favorites too! I hope this helps ease some of your decision making as we enter a new school year.

1. Water bottles 

The best water bottles are easy for kids to open and close and don’t leak. I prefer stainless steel to plastic as it’s more environmentally friendly and keeps water cooler but plastic (BPA free) does allow children to see when their water is running low. Simply Modern has fun designs and has held up well over time. Camelbak has both stainless steel and plastic options. 

• Simply Modern - fun designs, stainless steel

• Camelbak - stainless steel or BPA-free plastic

2. Backpacks

There are lots of backpacks that can work. I look for one that they can comfortably wear themselves. It should be big enough to hold a lunch box and a change of clothes but not so big that it falls off their shoulders. A stretchy side pocket that holds a water bottle is ideal.

• Pottery Barn Kids - various sizes, straps on the back for a nap mat or jacket, water bottle pocket

• Skip Hop - fun animal options, water bottle pocket, good size for preschoolers

3. Lunch Boxes
The most important feature for me when looking for a snack or lunch box is that my children can open it themselves. I like having various small compartments to keep lunch or snack interesting.

• Planet Box - customizable, fun colors and patterns, great for lunches

• Lunch Bots - simple on/off lid, great size for snacks or small lunch

• Bentgo - leak-proof, plastic, great for luches too

4. Indoor Shoes

Montessori preschools typically require indoor shoes or slippers. I look for slippers that are sturdy but not bulky, have one simple velcro strap, a wide toe box, flat arch, flexible sole, and of a natural fabric so they stay cool. 

• See Kai Run - comfortable, easy to put on, our favorites!

• Kamik - similar but slightly thicker

5. Labels 

Most schools also ask for each item your child brings or wears to school to have a name on it. When choosing labels, the most important feature is that it stays on through washes and wear! I especially love ones that have a detail that's easy to spot, like a flower or a frog.  

• Bright Star - fun colors and details, iron-on options for clothing as well as stickers for items such as water bottles and snack containers.

• No-Iron - inexpensive, basic white, no-iron lables for clothing

Bonus: Masks

I recognize that schools and parents differ on this topic but if you need or want a mask for a young child, here are some recommendations! I look for masks that fit properly, stay over their nose/chin and out of their mouths with minimal adjustments, have adjustable ear loops, are breathable and comfortable, and are machine washable. Adding a lanyard can make it easier to put them back on.

• Vistaprint - fun patterns, lightweight and breathable, stays on well

• Primary - affordable, colorful, soft, elastic behind head

• Jaanuu - very comfortable, stays out of mouth, great ear straps

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Hiking with Little Kids

One of my favorite memories from childhood is hiking. Though I know I didn’t enjoy every second of our hiking and camping adventures as a kid, I only remember the fun stuff: playing “hug a tree” with my sisters and finding the best hiking sticks with my dad.

Now that both the kids are good walkers, my goal this summer is to do at least one hike a week together. It can be intimidating to head out on a hike with kids at this age (especially when my husband isn’t able to join us), but I never regret it when we do. We are so lucky to live in the PNW where there are so many beautiful hikes just a short drive away.

S and D enjoy and benefit so much from these hikes. D is much more focused on the goal: getting to the destination (e.g. the beach or mountain top) than S is and she loves to check our field guides to identify plants and creatures along the way. They both love moving their body and pushing their physical limits. At the same time, they both make many stops along the way, to pick up tiny objects and notice small insects or flowers.

I also benefit from these hikes with them! Hiking is something I have enjoyed since before kids and I love getting to share it with the kids. It’s a form of self care for me too!

Hiking Tips

Let them take the lead! When we pick a kid-friendly hike and allow plenty of time, it’s more fun for us all. Children gain such confidence from getting to lead us on hikes rather than the other way around! While exploring new hikes is really fun, going back to old ones can be especially motivating for young children who feel more confident and capable there.

Take lots of breaks. Bring more water and snacks than you think you’ll need. I try to plan for one snack per hour plus a packed lunch for our destination. Breaks happen far more often than 1x per hour though. When we allow for lots of stops, we get to notice all the small things our children notice, such as hidden bugs, forts, or “bridges” or the sounds of birds in the trees above.

Bring a kid carrier. While S likes to walk as far as he can, he still needs breaks or even a short nap in the Deuter carrier. We used this for D up to age 3, but now, at almost 4, D is hiking the whole way on our 3-4 mile hikes. 

Have a destination in mind. The hikes don’t have to be “epic” for them to be enjoyable and rewarding. Toddlers find excitement in stumps, dirt, and hidden bugs. But it can be especially motivating for preschoolers to have a destination to hike to: a river to wade in, a beach, a great view, a waterfall or a field of wildflowers. This makes all the effort feel worthwhile and offers a new sensory and visual experience for the kids too. 

Quit while you’re ahead. Aka when your child is still happy! If you’re new to hiking, start small and flat. Build up from there as they become more accustomed to hiking. It’s okay to have a picnic lunch before the destination and decide to simply turn around!

What we Pack

This is crucial! I’ve learned the hard way. I have a google doc for packing lists, including half day hiking trips. Your packing list will vary depending on where you live and what kind of hike you are taking. Below you’ll find a few of our kid essentials for hiking. In addition to snacks, lunch, and water for the kids, don’t forget your own food and supplies too!

It's okay for our toddlers to say "no"

Right around the age of two, “no” becomes a favorite word. “Are you ready to put on your shoes now?” “No.” “Would you like me to help you?” “No.” “It’s time to get in the car.” “No.” “Do you want to go on a super fun adventure that involves snacks and playing in water?!” “No!” Does this sound familiar? ;)

When toddlers say no, they are learning how to exert their will in a meaningful way for the first time. They are realizing they are their own unique person with their own thoughts and opinions. They are letting us know loud and clear that they are their own person with a strong will and personality.

When we think about the kind of human we want to raise, this is it! We want our children to hold boundaries, to stand up for themselves, and to be strong and independent. Why does this feel so hard at age two?

It’s all about balance. We want to give our toddlers plenty of opportunities to exert their will, to feel independent and capable, and to set their personal boundaries. We also want to set clear and loving limits that they are able to follow. How do we do this?

Make Transitions Fun

Transitions are often the time we hear the most “no’s” from our toddlers. This is understandable: we are asking them to stop one fun activity and quickly make the switch to something else, often less exciting. One way to prevent our toddlers from saying “no” is to make transitions smoother and more fun in the first place.

Following a daily rhythm and knowing each step of their routines can give them comfort in knowing what comes next and feeling comfortable with the daily transitions. Being playful can lighten up the mood and slow us down in transitions. Examples of playful transitions: “Let’s hop like bunnies to the car!” or “Time to find your shoes! Where are they hiding?”

Offer Age-Appropriate Choices

Choices are another way to help our day flow more smoothly and to give our toddlers a sense of autonomy and confidence. There are lots of choices we can offer our toddlers throughout the day. Choices are appropriate for toddlers when both answers are viable options. Examples of toddler choices might include:

• “Would you like blueberries or bananas with your oatmeal this morning?”

• “Which shoes would you like to wear, red or blue?”

• “Do you want to walk or ride your bike?”

• “Would you like a hug or a high five?”

While choices are incredibly powerful for toddlers, there are also times when choices aren’t appropriate. While it is kind to offer limited choices rather than boss our toddlers around, it isn’t kind to offer a choice when there really isn’t one.

Avoid giving options when there really isn’t a choice 

Pause before asking a question or offering a choice. Consider if you are really okay with either answer or the option you are about to give. For example, when you ask “Are you ready for bedtime?” is “no” really an acceptable option?

If there is only one appopriate response, do not pose it as a question, simply state what you want. Rather than ask, “Are you ready for bed?” you could state, “After this book, we are going to start bathtime.”  

You could also offer two choices that both result in starting bedtime. For example, “Would you like to brush teeth or put on pajamas first?”

When they still say “No”

There are plenty of times when toddlers still say “no” to the choices or statements we offer. These moments can feel so frustrating, especially when our toddlers say this on repeat.

When S responds with “no”, the first thing I ask myself is “Is this something that really must be done now?” and “Why?” Oftentimes I can give S a bit more time and with that extra time he is able to finish what he is doing, process what I said, and feels ready to follow my request. Other times he is saying “no” to joining in something that he just doesn’t feel comfortable doing, and it’s more than okay for him to set those boundaries and opt out.

If “no” really isn’t an option, I validate his feelings and help him to follow my directions. If he is tired, hungry, or having an off day, I will often acknowledge what he has said and repeat myself once before helping him. For example, if he doesn’t want to leave the park: “You don’t want to leave the playground and go home. It’s hard to leave. It’s time to go to the car.” I often then need to gently help his body: “I’m going to pick you up now and carry you to the car.” 

What we can control

While we can’t control how our toddler responds to us, we can control our response to them. When we acknowledge their wants and feelings, they feel seen. When we respect their boundaries, they feel safe. When we stay calm and confident, they feel secure with us. When we find a healthy balance of giving our toddlers autonomy and loving limits, we both feel better.

Playground Etiquette

As the weather warms and restrictions ease up, the playgrounds are filling back up with families. For many children, and parents, this might be challenging to navigate, particularly after a pandemic year. Challenges include following playground rules, social expectations, safety issues, and having to finally leave the park. How do we allow our children independence to explore while helping them navigate social and safety expectations? How do we help them build confidence, both in their body and social skills?

Establish Park Rules Early

Decide on your general playground rules ahead of time and discuss them with your child. This will vary by age, with simple but clear limits for toddlers and room for discussion and independent choices for preschoolers and up. Here are some examples of questions you might ask yourself:

• Are there any areas of the park or playground that are off-limits?

• Are you okay with your child going up or down the slide when another child is at the bottom?

• Does this rule change if the slide is busy and there is a line forming?

• Will you and your child wear masks? Shoes? Sunscreen?

Observing vs. Hovering

This will also depend on the age of your child. With infants, we can shadow them but let them take the lead in exploring and play. With toddlers, we can stay back but remain nearby to offer help or enforce rules as needed. With preschoolers, we can stay in a predictable and visible location and keep an ear out, while also enforcing rules as needed.

With each age group, we want to let them follow their own body’s limits, giving them a sense of confidence and capability. This means rather than placing them up on a high tower, letting them climb up however high they can on their own. In general, children can get down independently if they can get up independently. If we place them up high, they often feel stuck and rely on our help.

When there are other parents nearby, it can help to not all hover together around the children. This often leads to parents feeling pressured to intervene unnecessarily. Instead take a step back if there is already an adult close by or if you are interested, chat with the other parents! You can both step back and give your children some space to play while you talk with one another. The park is agreat place for parents and children to make friends and find community.

Social Conflicts

It is normal for small conflicts to arise between children at the playground. Often children have different ideas about how to use the playground equipment or want to use the same thing at the same time. There is no need to intervene in every instance. Often, even young toddlers can work out their issues without adult intervention. By preschool age, it’s important to give them a chance to problem solve, as this is the most effective way for children to develop their social problem-solving skills.

However, there are times when a child is getting hurt, physically or emotionally, and it’s appropriate to intervene and make sure everyone is feeling heard and safe. For example, if my toddler is blocking the slide, I would first point out that another child is waiting. If they still didnt move, I would gently move their body. If my preschooler is blocking the slide and I happen to be close to her I might say “It looks like someone is waiting for a turn, it’s time to hop down so that they can slide.” If I’m not nearby I would let it be (and hope that they communicate to each other). If they end up crashing into each other, I would still pause, but if it looks like someone is hurt or upset I would go over to give comfort and brainstorm solutions for next time with them. 

Often conflicts arise over sand (or other personal) toys. If there are a lot of children, I prefer not to bring sand toys that my children might feel “ownership” over or might get taken on accident. When we do bring sand toys in a smaller setting, we talk about how it’s okay to let other children use these sand toys in this shared space. I encourage turn taking but don’t force sharing or giving back (until it’s time for us to leave). It’s okay for rules and expectations to be a little more relaxed in a public setting.

If one of my children is upset by something another child did, I offer comfort to them and let them stay with me as long as they need. I don’t say anything to the other child or parent (that’s not my job); I just verbally acknowledge what happened. Once they have recovered, we often move on to a different activity.

Leaving the Park

The hardest part of a playground visit for my kids is often saying goodbye. It’s tough to leave a really fun place! It can help to give children a heads up a bit before it’s time to leave. As toddlers don’t understand the concept of time, we can let them know there is time for one more activity before we go and let them choose. If they don’t want to leave the slide specifically, we can let them know how many more turns will happen before going home (or they can choose the number!) When the time comes to leave, it can help to say “bye bye” to the playground/slide/etc.

With children who are preschool age, timers can work well. We can let them know we are setting the timer for 5 minutes and when it rings, we are going home. Sometimes giving them one more heads up before the timer goes off (e.g. 5 minutes and then 2 minutes) is helpful too. Lastly, we can talk about when we will come back to this playground again, so that saying goodbye is only temporary.

Sometimes, even with warnings, children are upset about leaving the playground. Although it’s tempting to just let them play longer, it’s important to stick to our limit. If we continue to budge on the time, our children will remember that and expect that limit to budge the next time too. When we are consistent about our limits, they trust our words more, and feel less desire to test.

If they are upset when it’s time to leave we can simply listen and acknowledge. “You really want to stay at the park. It has been such a fun afternoon at the playground. You are upset about leaving.” If you feel any embarassment in this public setting, know that every single parent has or will be in that exact place too. Let your child feel their feels and help their body if needed.

Finding a Caregiver you Trust

The process of finding a nanny or babysitter can be stressful and intimidating. Entrusting someone else to care for our children can bring up anxious feelings. Yet caregivers are necessary and helpful for many families. As someone who had great trepidation over leaving each of our children with date night babysitters for the first time, I hope this post can answer some of your questions and relieve some of your anxiety so you can go into this with courage and confidence! I will be channeling this courage too as we navigate finding a date night sitter for the first time since before the pandemic began.

How do I find a nanny or babysitter?

1. Ask friends and family

2. Local Facebook parents group

3. Nanny Websites or Agencies

What qualifications do I look for?

This depends on the ages and needs of your child(ren) and family. If you are looking for a mother’s helper a few days a week, a neighborhood high school student may be a great fit. Once they have spent time with your family and learned about your children, you may feel comfortable leaving your children in their care for a date night. Providing these opportunities to teenagers can even help to inspire our next generation of teachers and caregivers!

If you need full-time care or are looking to homeschool, you might prefer someone with a master’s in education or Montessori training. Each family’s needs are slightly different. It’s worth it to take the time to think about the ideal situation for your family before reaching out to find care.

Note: If you are posting on the internet or talking to a nanny agency, you can be a bit more specific about the way you parent. Mentioning Montessori and respectful parenting can help you to find a caregiver who matches your needs.

Must haves:

• Adult, infants, and child CPR/First Aid certification 

• Professional/Personal references (call them) 

• A background check (if you are hiring someone from the internet)

• Clean driving record (if they will be driving your children)

What questions do I ask them?

Ideally these questions are asked in person during an interview. I recommend inviting your potential nanny or babysitter over when your child(ren) are around so you can see how they interact with your child with you present. These are just a few sample questions. These will also depend on the type of care you are seeking.

“Why did you start nannying/babysitting?” 

I like to hear that they enjoy playing with my kids, helping them to learn and grow and that they enjoy being in a home setting because it helps my children to feel more comfortable. 

“What ages of children have you worked with?”

Though a nanny or babysitter could have years of experience, I like to know they have experience caring for children roughly the same age as mine. When I check references, I want to be sure to talk to a former employer of theirs who has/had children of similar ages if possible.

“What do you enjoy about working with children?” 

I like to look for an answer that shows me that this person cares about my children’s happiness and is not here just because they think babies are cute. 

“What is your preferred method for putting a child down for a nap?”

Most answers are okay, as I leave details about our own family’s routine. Having an answer to this question means that they have spent time learning and trying out different ways of helping kids to fall asleep. This shows me that they have taken the time to learn more and are observing children to learn what works well for them. 

“Are you comfortable preparing meals?”

It’s okay with me if they are not, but it will indicate how much I need to prepare food ahead of time.

“What do you enjoy doing in your free time?” 

I like to get a feel for this person’s personality and see if we have common interests. Getting to know them helps me to feel more comfortable when I leave my children in their care. 

“What is your favorite activity to do with children?”

Having an answer shows me that they have spent enough time with children to have a favorite activity. It also gives me a sense of what they might spend time doing with my children. Lastly, it lets me know that they understand what kinds of activities are age-appropriate for my children.

How do I prepare my toddler?

I find this transition works best when it’s a slow start. Whether it’s grandparents or a date night babysitter, I like to first spend time all together so that my children see me interacting with the caregiver. This lets my children know I trust that person and they can too. Then, I invite the caregiver to watch the children while I’m around but not invovled. Finally, I leave, but for a shorter time. Next, a longer time. This has allowed them to warm up in a gradual way.

Another important piece is preparing the kids the day of each event, so they know what is coming. I’ve found that children feel more comfortable when they know that I will be leaving a few hours before I actually go. So we talked about what would happen and then continued with our day as we usually would.

How do I actually say goodbye?

When the time arrives for me to actually depart, I let the kids know that I am getting ready to go but do not say any goodbye until I am about to walk out the door. I know from working in a toddler classroom that drawn out and unpredictable goodbyes are extremely hard for toddlers. Leaving without saying goodbye can also be scary and confusing for them. 

When I say goodbye, I give each child a quick hug and kiss goodbye and say "I love you so much. We will be back before bedtime." Being clear, confident, and calm as I say goodbye is so important. As is being honest about when I will return. Even though I might feel nervous, I know I have to exude confidence for the children to feel that too. There are typically some tears, but I trust any caregiver I leave them with to comfort them and help them through any hard feelings while we are gone. Often the tears end as soon as I am gone and everyone has a good time.

6 Common Misconceptions about Montessori at Home

This week I’m breaking down some common misconceptions about Montessori in the first few years. I bring up these misconceptions because too often I see people dismiss Montessori for reasons that aren’t even true. I completely believe in every family choosing the parenting philosophy that works best for them, but I do hope everyone has the correct information about their options first, and then chooses from there! I hope this helps clarify some of the hot button Montessori topics in the first few years.

Photo by Megan Hooks Photography

1. Kids have complete freedom

It is true that independence is a cornerstone of Montessori. Providing the youngest of children with choices and making our homes accessible promote their capabilities, confidence, and motivation. However, we give our children independence within clear and safe boundaries, in age-appropriate ways. We call this freedom within limits. We offer choices and set clear limits. Young children want predictability and to know that the adults are in control and that their environment is safe. When they receive mixed messages about their limits, they test to see what is and is not acceptable until they feel they are able to predict their environment again.

For example, a freedom is how much to eat at mealtimes. A limit is that we sit down while we eat and that the grown-ups decide what food is offered. A freedom is choosing which books to read before bed. A limit is that we read three books. A freedom is running and playing as loudly as they want. A limit is where that kind of running and play happens (outside).

2. The Shelf is the most important part of Montessori

Looking on the internet, it might appear that the materials on our shelves are the main focus of how we practice Montessori at home, but that is far from the case. Montessori is not defined by the shelf. 

The most important material in your environment is YOU. Preparing yourself is the first step in anything we do in Montessori. Our language, attitude, and response to our children are more impactful than anything on their shelf. 

Montessori is also about learning with all of our senses engaged. It is about learning through movement, learning through our hands, and above all, it is learning about and in the beautiful natural world we live in. The richest learning environment we can give our children is not their shelf at home, but the natural world around us.

3. Our children eat and play alone

While we do encourage starting infants and toddlers on solid foods at a small weaning table, we do not encourage eating alone. A small table encourages independence by getting in and out of the chair as well as reduces throwing and dropping behaviors as there isn’t as far for food to fall. In toddlerhood, the weaning table offers a way for children to set their own table and serve their own snack. Our babies and toddlers are not sitting here alone though. We typically sit on the floor or on a small cushion and join them. Often we also use a high chair for family dinners and meals that pulls right up to our kitchen or dining table.

Similarly, it is true that we encourage independent play as it allows our children to concentrate, problem solve, get creative, and fulfill their own interests. However, it is always balanced out with time together. Often we are sitting right next to them as they explore toys on their own and we talk to them when they look to us for feedback, labels, or conversation. We also spend quality time with them during transitions, such as diapering or toileting, dressing, preparing food, and cleaning. Though not always in the photos, Montessori is about connection as much as concentration.

4. Pretend play isn’t allowed

While it is true that fantasy is discouraged in the early years, it is not true that pretend play is discouraged.

One reason why it can feel as though pretend play is discouraged is because of the emphasis on reality over fantasy. In Montessori we encourage real activities that teach children about the world we live in and give them rich sensory experiences. We also lean towards books and materials that are based in reality. When young children read books that describe real places, people, and animals, they develop a sense of wonder for the world we live in. Books based in reality help to explain the already-gigantic world we live in.

When we let young children lead their own pretend play, we see them create scenes all on their own. These scenes mimic what they see in the real world and in their books. Pretend play offers them a way to work through new experiences and test out new ones. When we provide toddlers and young children with all that the real world has to offer, their pretend play only becomes richer and more fun for them. Sometimes pretend play is with dollhouses and other times it is using the shelf materials themselves in a creative way.

5. Montessori Children Aren’t Social

It is true that children are not forced to share in Montessori. They are also not forced to play with others. Rather, we let the child decide whether to play alone or with others. There are always opportunities for both in a Montessori classroom. We model kindness and compassion ourselves. We give children the opportunity to collaborate and resolve conflict themselves.

Often people bring up the social aspect when children are just toddlers. Toddlers aren’t social beings yet. Though toddlers enjoy being around people, especially family members, they are mostly engaging in parallel play - playing beside not with peers. It isn’t until age 4 or so that children share common goals in their play. Understanding typical social development tailors our expectations of chlidren’s social play and lets them take the lead.

6. Children are Forced to do Chores

Sometimes people see toddlers washing windows or 3-year-olds sweeping the floor and think that this has been forced upon them. Rather, cleaning up is something we model and build into our daily rhythms. It is something that young children really want to be a part of. In Montessori, we invite even the youngest of toddlers to join us as we go about our daily tasks. Toddlers feel valued and helpful when they get to be a part of these important jobs.

As children reach preschool age, we do encourage cleaning up after oneself, e.g. when we make a spill, we wipe it up. The goal isn’t to “make children clean” but rather to instill a sense of personal responsibility, caring for our shared environment, and learning to work together as a family or community.  We model this ourselves and help each other out as needed.

I hope that helps clear up a few of the most common misconceptions I hear about Montessori at home in the first few years. Montessori looks different in every home and every family. Find what works for you!

Our Favorite Nature-Based Spring Activities

As soon as Spring emerges, I find it hard to stay inside for long. Especially since having children, I have a new appreciation for witnessing nature “come alive”. From the bright flowers to the tiny insects to puddles, there is always something to explore. It’s always a reminder for me to slow down, and to get down to my children’s level, to simply appreciate what is growing and living around us. As we spend more and more of our days outdoors, these are some of the activities that are keeping us busy as we welcome Spring.

Planting Seeds - Though I don’t have much of a green thumb, I am drawn to gardening this year especially, as we spend our first Spring in our new home. We went to the garden store together and selected seeds that we thought would be interesting to watch grow and fun to harvest. I used the Old Farmer’s Almanac to determine when to start planting seeds. Our hope is to grow a few vegetables and herbs for cooking, strawberries to enjoy on hot summer days, and wildflowers for attracting butterflies and flower arranging.

Gardening/Weeding - There is so much to do in the yard beyond planting! To help keep our plants growing, the kids can help me water, weed, and eventually harvest our vegetables. We found these toddler-sized gloves and other garden tools at our local gardening store!

Flower Identification - It is much more fun for the children to have names for each flower as we notice new blooms in our own yard and on our neighborhood walks. To help them with identifying, I printed off these Spring flower cards by Little Spark Company. Though they can be used for matching or 3-part-cards indoors, our favorite use for them is identifying and matching in nature. Last year, we also made our own wildflower cards for our walks in the forest!

Flower Arranging - The children have loved using flowers from our own yard (or even bouquets I’ve purchased at the farmer’s market) to make flower arrangements in vases. D uses scissors to clip stems and both of them place the flowers in small vases to add to the dining table, their low table, or a coffee table. It’s a lovely way to bring a bit of spring inside. This year, D also helped me plant and arrange flowers in a pot for our porch!

Flower Pressing - To press flowers using a flower press, the children either collect flowers from the garden or petals from the ground while we are out on a walk. It takes a few weeks for them to completely dry, but once dried, they can be used as an art addition or framed for display! For a more immediate reward, check out a sunprint kit to create flower and plant designs on photosensitive paper.

Bird Feeders - Adding a bring feeder to our backyard has brought an impressive number and variety of birds. Last year, we made these DIY orange feeders which we look forward to making again soon! My children love refilling our other bird feeders and watching the birds come and go throughout the day.

Bird Identification - Once we have our bird feeders up this year, we will observe and take note of the types of birds that visit it. Being able to name each type of bird is empowering and fun for the children. We love this book as a field guide for identifying backyard birds.

Farmer’s Market - Our local farmer’s market starts back up in the Spring and it is our favorite place to go on the weekend. It is such a great opportunity for the children to hear live music, support local farmers and makers, and meet new people. We often learn something new about where our food comes from!

Scavenger Hunts and I Spy - One of our favorite ways to mix up our daily walks is with scavenger hunts or “I spy”. I draw or print out a card with various pictures of items to find as we walk. This depends on the season, but in Spring I might include types of flowers, insects, and other things like a white fence or a dog. D also really likes to play “I spy” where we trade off by saying “I spy something blue” or “I spy something that starts with “/b/” and try to guess.

Puddle Jumping and Boot Scrubbing - Rain is a big part of Spring for us, and one that we welcome! The children love nothing more than splashing in puddles. When their rainboots get muddy, no problem! This creates a fun outdoor practical life opportunity. We fill up a big bin with soapy water and some brushes, and let them clean them off again!

What Comes Before Writing?

Often as parents, we want to rush into teaching our children how to write. I get it - it’s such an exciting time! However, if we push our children into something before they’ve built the foundation and before the intrinsic motivation is there, it leads to frustration all around. When we wait until our child is in the sensitive period for writing and we’ve helped build a strong foundation through grasp refinement, there is joy and confidence.

It also helps to keep in mind that children’s hands must go through a long series of micro-developments before they are able to hold a pencil properly. Preparation of the hand starts in infancy, and many of the materials we give infants and toddlers help them to coordinate movements and build up the hand muscles that will help them to accomplish many tasks, including writing when the time is right for them. 

A Timeline: The lead-up to writing

• 3-5 months: purposeful grasp

• 6-8: whole hand “raking” grasp 

• 9-10: pre-pincer grasp (between thumb and fist)

• 11: inferior pincer grasp (finger pad to pad)

• 12: pincer grasp

• 12-18 months: begins to hold a pencil with a fisted grasp

• 2-3yrs: begins to use all fingers on a pencil with arm movements

• 3-4yrs: begins to use tripod grasp when holding a pencil

*Note that all children have their own timelines. This is simply a typical progression.

Infancy (0-15 months)

When our bodies are learning new skills, we typically learn by first using our core and then moving outward to more fine movements. This means that our youngest infants are working by moving their whole arm, then elbow and fist, then with their hand.  Grasping mobiles between month 3 and 5 help them practice all of these movements. An easy DIY is placing a large bell, or wooden ring on a ribbon and hanging one from a hook or simple activity gym. 

Once our infants are sitting and moving around more we offer baskets of balls, and boxes to drop balls into. These activities are usually discussed as ways to encourage large gross motor movements, but they also encourage the development of the palmar grasp into a more refined inferior pincer grasp. Additionally, these activities allow infants to practice releasing objects at a specific time, which is a skill developed around 7-8 months. 

(Click photos below for links)

Toddlerhood (15 mos - 36 mos)

Toddlers are still moving their whole body, while also beginning to refine their pincer grasp. We first see this as they pick up small pieces of food and find every possible crumb left on the floor! There are so many ways to promote hand development in toddlerhood, through both gross and fine motor work.

We can give toddlers materials with large knobs, such as puzzles or knobbed cylinders to develop their grasp for later handwriting. We can give them activities to strengthen their hand muscles, such as play dough to manipulate, tongs to serve snacks, or sponges to squeeze and wipe the table. We can offer simple opportunities at mealtimes to focus on coordination and control, such as sprinkling chia seeds on oatmeal or peeling a satsuma. We can offer activities to strengthen arm and wrist movements through a fisted grasp, such as providing large wooden spoons and big paintbrushes on vertical surfaces. We can give them containers to open and close and small objects to hold (with supervision). The possibilities are endless. 

(Click photos below for links)

Three years and beyond

Between three and four, children often become interested in writing. It is important to establish a strong foundation for the writing that will come. When we break down all the aspects of writing, we can see which areas to focus on: fluid yet controlled movements, working from left to right, and the joy felt from expressing oneself.

Materials to aid in fluid movements: painting, window washing, and polishing

Working left to right (the same way we write): 3-part cards and matching work, cooking (when ingredients are placed in order of when to add), as well as practical life work such as transferring

Control in movements: Beading, scooping, pouring, and pin punching.

If we lay the groundwork in this way and then wait for our children's sensitive period for writing (typically emerging between 3.5 and 4.5), they will be driven towards repetition, interest and excitement without any pressure from us!

(Click photos below for links)

Sensitive period for writing

Typically the sensitive period for writing emerges between 3.5 and 4.5. There is a wide range, so it can help to look for signs that a sensitive period is emerging. Here are a few I noticed with D: At the park and at the beach, she uses sticks to make shapes and figures in the sand. At home, she scribbles grocery lists beside me and tells me exactly what each “word” says. She asks about letters and words and their associated sounds. When presented with any work that involves writing, she is 100% focused and absorbed in it. 

My role came next: setting up the environment to meet her interest and needs. At home, I provide simple and fun ways for her to practice writing without focusing on writing letters. For us this means shape stencils, tracing, and lines in colored sand. It also means including all the work she has enjoyed before that will continue to help her in her writing journey: beading, sewing, practical life, and sound games. Slowly but surely, with all of her newfound intrinsic motivation, and with a bit of guidance from the adults around her, she will joyfully teach herself to write.

(Click photos below for links)

Fostering a Love of Writing

To wrap this up, it’s worth noting that the most important component to fostering a love for writing is us! We are our children’s role models and the way we use our hands and write directly impacts our children’s desire to do the same. If we are not writing or working with our hands around them, they will not see why it is worthwhile to put in all of the effort necessary to learn to write. This has been something I have to remind myself of daily! 

We can write shopping lists out by hand, write down ideas our children tell us, and even carve out time in the day to write for fun. We can also use our hands to create in other ways. Crochet, drawing, crafting, woodworking, and sewing are just a few ideas. It is so beneficial for our children to see our hands work in these creative ways. 

(Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!)

Gearing up Toddlers for All-Weather Play

“Let the children be free; encourage them; let them run outside when it is raining; let them remove their shoes when they find a puddle of water; and when the grass of the meadows is wet with dew, let them run on it and trample it with their bare feet; let them rest peacefully when a tree invites them to sleep beneath its shade; let them shout and laugh when the sun wakes them.”

— Maria Montessori - The Discovery of the child

How we prepare and talk about the weather has a profound impact on how our children experience the weather themselves. When we are curious and excited, rather than disappointed, our children are too. Montessori encourages spending lots of time in nature and letting children have the freedom to explore as they wish. It can get muddy, sandy, messy, and cold, but getting outside every day, even in less than mild conditions, helps our child adapt their bodies to their climate, boosts their immune system, and creates a lasting love of our world.

Gear for Toddlers

I’ve found that investing in high-quality rain and cold weather gear not only for S and D, but also for myself has made a huge difference in getting out each day. I like to make sure we all have comfortable tall rain boots, walkable calf height winter boots, a long rain jacket, warm layers, hooded puffy, warm hats, and gloves. For the kids, rain suits and rain boots are essential in the pacific northwest, as well as layers such as fleece or down underneath. 

I know this can get quite expensive, so I’ve shared some websites to find used outdoor clothing below. I’ve also gotten many high-quality hand-me-downs for the kids from family and friends.

Used Gear:

https://wornwear.patagonia.com/shop/kids-and-baby

https://www.rei.com/used/shop/kids-clothing-just-added

https://www.geartrade.com/clothing/kids

Rainy Weather

Tuffo Rain Suit - This has hands-down been the best purchase. As we live in the rainy pacific northwest, these rain suits ensure we get outside every day. I like that we can add plenty of layers under them too and that they scrunch at the ankles to keep rain out when puddle jumping.

Oakiwear Rain Jacket and Pants - When it’s not pouring and D just needs a rain coat for school, this is our favorite. You can also pair it with the pants to make a rain suit!

Stonz Booties - We didn’t use these ourselves but I’ve heard great things about them for babies and toddlers! They don’t fall off.

Bogs Rain Boots - These are my very favorite for toddlers. They are soft and flexible. S has stomped in every puddle and still come home with dry feet. It helps to have the rain suit over the top of the boots to keep rain from getting in.

Oaki Rain Boots - These are the best I’ve found for independent dressing. D can pull these on her feet in seconds which make them great for home and school.

Cold and Wet

Rain suit and boots mentioned above

Waterproof Mittens or Kid Snow Mittens - For all ages, mittens keep hands warmer than gloves! I like ones that scrunch at wrist to keep them on!

Warm base layer - A long-sleeved shirt, fleece layer, and wool socks under the rain suit and boots will keep toddlers extra cozy and warm!

Down coat under rain suit - On really cold and wet days, we do a long-sleeved shirt, puffy jacket, and the rain suit on top.

Warm hat - I really like any lined winter hats for toddlers, which can be found lots of places! Ear flaps are a nice addition for warmth.

Snow Days

One-Piece Snow Suit - This is the best snow suit for toddlers. I always size up to make it last two seasons. There are also less expensive versions many places, just make sure it’s waterproof too! D’s is just from Carter’s this year.

Stonz Booties - We didn’t use these ourselves but I’ve heard great things about them for babies and toddlers! You can layer to make extra warm in winter.

Lands End boots - The kids got these this year and they have been great for walking and playing in the snow! I like that they are velcro rather than laces.

Base layers - Cotton, fleece, or wool pants and long-sleeved top and wool socks under the snowsuit and boots (depending on how cold it is!)

Waterproof Mittens or Kid Snow Mittens - For all ages, mittens keep hands warmer than gloves! I like ones that scrunch at wrist to keep them on!

Warm hat - I really like any lined winter hats for toddlers, which can be found lots of places! Ear flaps are a nice addition for warmth.

Don’t forget yourself too! I am definitely going to invest in a rain suit myself but for now I have a long rain jacket, a good puffy jacket, tall rain boots, and lots of warm layers too!

7 Phrases to Diffuse Toddler Frustration

Frustration is something we all experience. When we become frustrated, tasks that are usually easy become difficult, and calm responses become emotional reactions. The same is true for toddlers, but for them, it can be especially heightened. Toddlers are caught in a balancing act of wanting to do everything themselves while struggling to have the motor and processing skills to accomplish what they’d like to do. Our job is to encourage and scaffold their need for independence. Rather than stepping in and doing tasks for them, we can offer the least amount of help to get them started. We can offer them time and space for practice and encouragement to keep them motivated.

If we constantly step in and do tasks for our children that they are capable of themselves, they lose confidence in their own abilities and stop trying. If we ignore their pleas for help or tell them “you can do it, I’ve seen you do it before!” they feel unheard and misunderstood. We have to find a middle ground.

When our children are working through challenging tasks, there are a few phrases that I always come back to. Most of these center around the theme of acknowledgement, encouraging effort, asking questions, and being present but not hovering. Examples of when I use these phrases range from frustration over getting dressed to figuring out a puzzle to learning how to ride a bike. Children respond to frustration in different ways - some yell “I can’t do it!”, some throw, some whine, and some simply stop trying. It’s helpful to know how your own child responds and to recognize the signs as the frustration begins to build.

“I hear you.” - It’s amazing what a difference it can make to simply listen and acknowledge our toddler. They want to know we are there with them, more than they want us to fix anything.

“That looks really tricky.” - Along with letting toddlers know we hear them, we can empathize with their frustration. Even if they are struggling with a task they have done before or that we feel is easy, the best thing we can do is simply acknowledge that it’s hard for them. Because it is! Certain activities are harder at certain times - this is true for us too. Realizing and acknowledging that makes children (and adults) feel heard and their experience validated, which is a very important step in their ability to return to a calmer state.

“Sometimes I get frustrated too.” - We can even take it one step further and acknowledge out loud that we have struggles too. Children, just as we do, want to relate to others. Knowing that they aren’t the only ones who get frustrated or have a hard time with certain tasks, can be really helpful in diffusing a tense situation.

“You are working really hard on that!” - Part of helping a child with frustration is encouraging them to value the process over the product. We do this by acknowledging effort rather than only praising the outcome. When we put value in working through something challenging, our children feel appreciated for that effort, whether or not they get to the desired outcome. You can read more about acknowledgement vs. praise in this blog post.

“What part would you like help with?” - When we do offer help, we want to do so in the most gentle and unassuming way possible. Rather than assume what our children might need, we can ask first. This also helps them learn to ask for more specific assistance rather than whine generally or say “I can’t.” We can offer help after they’ve made it clear which part is actually causing them the most frustration, which also gives them a sense of control over the situation. When we do offer help, we can start by verbally offering assistance before physically helping. When we do physically help, we can offer the least amount of help by loosening a lid rather than opening entirely or opening the sock rather than putting it on their feet. This helps toddlers become more capable and confident.

“I'm here if you need me.” - Another way to offer help is to simply let our children know we are available and present without stepping in. Again, we don’t want to just jump in and do something for them, but we can be nearby so that they know we are “with them”. Simply knowing we are supporting them by being close by and listening to them can be immensely helpful for young children.

“Would you like to take a break and try again soon?” - Sometimes if frustration just keeps building, it’s best to take a break and try again later. This might look like putting the shoes on for them and giving them opportunities to practice more tomorrow (slippers are easier!). It might look like leaving a puzzle on the table and coming back to it after lunch or a nap. It’s never worth it to force something on our children, setting them up for increased frustration over time.

Try each of these phrases with your child to see what resonates best with them. Sometimes when children feel incredibly frustrated, they just need space to feel their big feelings. In these moments, I use the same phrases “that looks tricky; you look like you are feeling very frustrated right now. I’m here if you need me.” I do not expect a verbal response. I stay near and simply wait for them to look for me for comfort when they are ready.  

It is often very frustrating to be a toddler. There is so much they know they would like to do but don’t have the ability (or patience) to accomplish yet. These phrases offer solidarity and connection. When we can show our children that we understand, are there for them, and are willing to give them the time they need to gain the independence they strive for, it will relieve some of this frustration. This will make it easier to push through and keep trying in moments that are very difficult for them, which is a lesson we could all benefit from.

How Montessori Has Made Parenting More Fun

This feels taboo but I think it’s important to normalize: parenting, especially toddlers, can be monotonous. It can also be incredibly challenging. It can also be absolutely wonderful! While those might all sound like opposite experiences, most of us experience a range of all three emotions, and then some. Let’s start with the monotony: Children thrive on routines and toddlers love reading the same books and doing the same kinds of activities over and over. This doesn’t mean we do. Sometimes keeping up with the routine and the sameness feels boring. Other times there just isn’t time to feel bored because parenting feels completely overwhelming. Toddlers are figuring out who they are, how to navigate big emotions, and where their place is in this world. That process is intense and challenging. Whether you feel bored, overwhelmed, or any other “negative” emotion in your parenthood journey, know you aren’t alone. Especially in the time of a pandemic, parenting is HARD.

What we don’t want though, is to be in such a rut or so frustrated that we can’t ever enjoy our time with our children. We want to experience the joy too. I have personally found that Montessori has given me more ways to stay engaged, more tools to deal with challenges, and more joy to our days at home together. Sometimes it’s a shift in our routine, sometimes it’s the kind of activity we do, and other times it’s simply a mindset switch. Below are a few of the ways Montessori has helped me to find more joy throughout my parenting journey.

Photo by Megan Hooks Photography

Geeking out on child development - The more I read about child development, especially from a Montessori viewpoint, the more interested I am in my own children’s development. When I have a better understanding of what changes are happening in their brain and body, it makes it even more fun to see how that unfolds in their play, behavior, and interactions. Understanding sensitive periods makes me appreciate what my children might be especially drawn to or needing at different phases. You can check out my favorite child development books on my Bookshop storefront.

The power of observation - Observation is a key piece of the Montessori philosophy, and I find that the more I observe my children - their new skills, interests, challenges - the more interested I am in their play. I enjoy making little mental (or physical) notes about how they engage with materials or what new way they use their hands or body. It can be so interesting to see how they find new ways to use an old material or experience an “aha” moment with something they previously ignored. It can also be telling when I simply notice they need more time and space to use their imagination through open-ended and pretend play!

Photo by Megan Hooks Photography

Rotation to Spark Interest - Rotating materials and toys based on my children’s interests and development can spark interest for them, as well as for myself! I am usually just as excited to see my children engage with a new material as they are. Of course, it’s important to note that we never want to rotate materials that are still being enjoyed by our children, even if we, ourselves, are bored with them! But when it is an appropriate time to rotate in some new/old materials, it’s okay to enjoy that process too. Sometimes I make DIY or themed materials simply because I enjoy doing so!

The Value of Planning - Part of observation and toy rotation involves planning ahead of time. I find it extremely helpful to have a place to jot down notes at the beginning of the week, during the week, and at the end of the week. Making plans, observing, and reflecting at the end of the week can give even more meaning to my days at home and the skills, activities, and challenges I am working through with my children. If this sounds like something that might interest you too, check out the new Montessori Parent’s Planner, free when you sign up for my newsletter!

Finding joy in everyday tasks - Doing chores is not something that innately brings me joy. However, I have a newfound appreciation for these tasks since having toddlers. They do find pure joy in practical life tasks such as sweeping, scrubbing, and doing laundry, and therefore I find meaning in modeling these everyday chores and letting them help in small, or big, ways. It helps me to see the value in contributing to and keeping our family’s space beautiful. The more I model, the more they participate. And even when they don’t join me, they often use this time to play much more independently. What’s more, I often end up quite enjoying the calming process of cleaning once I get started!

Following Each Child’s Path - Parenting, especially with the influence of social media, can feel like one big competition. We see every other child’s highlights and milestones and we make comparisons. The more we compare, the less content we feel, and the more pressure and less joy we feel in parenting. If Montessori has taught me one thing, it’s that every child is different and that we wouldn’t want it any other way. Children have their own interests, their own timelines, and their own challenges and strengths. Embracing my own children’s unique personalities and paths has made parenting much more enjoyable.

Doing Things With and Beside Them, not For Them - As parents, we give so much of ourselves to our children. As we should. But that doesn’t mean we can’t also maintain our own hobbies, work, and time. Montessori emphasizes helping children help themselves from a young age. This gives toddlers a strong sense of control and satisfaction, but it is also meaningful for us as parents. My children know that I will play with them, but they also know there are other times we will work alongside one another. They know I am not going to do things for them that they can do themselves (but that of course they can ask for help.) It is so important for all of our happiness and sanity to have a balance of playing together, apart, and alongside one another.

Appreciation for the bigger World - Montessori philosophy emphasizes the importance of connection to the natural world and one’s community, large and small. As I teach my children about new places, plants, people, and animals, I often learn (and re-learn) right alongside them. Not only does this keep things interesting for me, but it is such a delight to see the big world through my childrens’ eyes. There is such a look of wonder as we take a walk in the woods, see a caterpillar up close, or travel to see new places and meet new people. I can feel that wonder too.

There are a hundred more ways I find joy through Montessori and parenting and also a hundred ways I struggle with parenting. My experience and your experience is valid. But when the days are especially long and hard, I hope this helps you find a few more ways to find and spark that parenting joy. And to remember we are all in this together!

Close-Ended vs. Open-Ended Toys in Montessori

A question I get asked frequently is why purchase toys that are “one and done”, or in other words, have one way to use them. I call these “close-ended materials”. This is in contrast to open-ended materials which can be used in any number of ways. Montessori classrooms and homes are primarily comprised of close-ended materials. Why? I think there is a common misconception that young children always prefer open-ended toys. I have found that children enjoy close-ended as much if not more, and create open-ended play with anything they have. It isn’t an “either/or” situation. Close-ended materials give children a sense of purpose, order, and satisfaction of accomplishment. Open-ended toys give children a space for creativity and freedom. There are reasons for each and for both. My goal here is to explain, in more detail than anyone asked for, why. :)

Close-Ended Materials

With close-ended materials, there is one specific purpose and way to use them. These types of materials are more always found in a Montessori classroom and home. Close-ended include materials such as knobbed cylinders, a puzzle, tracing, object to picture matching, or one-to-one correspondence. Often a lesson is given before the child interacts with the material.

Benefits of close-ended materials

• Purpose - Young children love nothing more than having a purpose, and close-ended materials provide just that. There is a clear purpose to each material, which gives children a sense of ownership and accomplishment.

• Challenge - These types of materials can be chosen to provide just the right level of challenge for a child. There is something so satisfying for children (and adults) when working through a problem that is tough but not out of reach.

• Mastery - With that purpose and challenge comes the satisfaction of completing the work. Children feel the sense of “I did it” when they master it, particularly for the first time. They can then even go on to teach a younger child how to use the material.

• Concentration - As children work though these materials and challenges, there is often a look of “in the zone”. When children are deep in concentration in this work, they often want to repeat over and over even after mastering.

• Self-correction - Many close-ended materials allow for self-correction, meaning they indicate when something is wrong, rather than an adult telling them so. For example, with knobbed cylinders, if one cylinder is placed incorrectly, the last cylinder won’t fit, and they will know to try a different way.

• Order - Young children crave order, as order gives them a sense of security in a world that feels so big. Close-ended materials give them this sense of order, which is attractive and inviting to them.

• Specific Skills - Each material aims at teaching or honing a specific skill, whether that’s size discrimination, shapes, writing, or colors. By isolating one skill at a time, children can really focus and master that skill.

• Sequencing - Often, close-ended materials involve multiple steps, which helps young children learn how to sequence steps and plan ahead. They memorize a specific order to the steps, and gradually add on more steps with age and experience.

• Cleaning Up - Part of the sequencing involves taking a tray off the shelf and putting it back on after. Even toddlers get practice with the full cycle of an activity: Taking the tray off the shelf, putting the material on a work mat, using the work, putting it back on the tray, and back on the shelf. These are wonderful habits to develop.

It’s important to note that just because a material is close-ended, doesn’t mean that it will always be used in the way intended. If no one or nothng is getting hurt, there is typically no problem with the material being used creatively. D prefers to pin poke inside the lines than on the dotted lines, and S might stack instead of nest blocks. Lots of “close-ended” materials end up being used in an open-ended way!

Photo by Megan Hooks Photography

Open-Ended Toys

That being said, most homes, including Montessori homes, also include plenty of open-ended materials, or toys. Examples of open-ended toys include magnatiles, objects from nature, art supplies, dolls, and cars. With these materials, there is no reason for us to show them how to play. These are often especially enjoyed more by children 2.5 and up, as they begin to play pretend, and tend to get more fun with age.

There are also a number of benefits of open-ended play:

• Creativity and Imagination - There are endless ways to use these materials. Children can come up with their own ideas of how to play with them and make up stories to go along with them. There are no limits.

• No Rules - Especially after a period of structure, such as school, open-ended toys can be a lovely reprieve and calming for children who just want to play without any rules or expectations. Without a right or wrong, this play can feel freeing.

• Processing events and stories - Open-ended toys and pretend play in general is such a great way for children to work through events, friendships, and new situations. It is also a way to retell stories or make up their own.

• Independent Play - Often this type of toy is the best for long periods of play while we get our own tasks done. With room for creativity, mess, and imaginative play, children can really get lost in their own little world with this kind of play.

Both types of toys can be wonderful for problem solving, finding calm, language, and social skills. Both kinds of toys are valuable and enjoyed by children. Balance is key!

A Montessori Approach to "Clean-up Time"

“How do you get your kids to clean up after themselves??” This is one of my most frequently asked questions. And one of the most frequent comments parents have when observing a Montessori classroom or home is how tidy it is. There are a few reasons for this.

1. Maria Montessori believed in providing a beautiful and orderly environment for children. Young children are able to focus better and feel more at peace when their spaces are clean.

2. Less clutter allows for more movement in the shared space.

3. Children are a part of the community, and that means we all help each other keep our shared space clean and safe. This includes cleaning up after ourselves.

Children are more willing to help clean up after themselves in a classroom vs. a home because rules and expectations are often more clear at school, and home is where they know they are safest and comfortable. That being said, there are many ways we can help our children, even toddlers, consistently clean up after themselves when playing at home too. Most children are capable of cleaning up after themselves by 18 months, but children can be increasingly independent with age and practice.

Have a place for everything - It is very important to have a specfic spot for everything. Our children can only put toys and materials away if they know exactly where it goes. It is especially helpful for children if they can see what’s available just by looking at the shelf, e.g. books facing outward, materials on trays, and toys in clear bins or wire baskets (see Polished Playhouse post!)

Only put out what they can put away - This often means minimizing what is out at a time. The amount that is displayed depends on the child - their age and their current interest in dumping vs. cleaning up after themselves. In general, less is more. A toddler can put away 8 blocks, but not 48. I always encourage rotating materials more often and having less out at one time to prevent toy and mess overload.

Model it - We are our children’s best role models and they are ALWAYS watching. If we slowly model putting a material back on the shelf before we choose a new one, they are far more likely to do so too. It is also helpful to think about how we model tidying up after ourselves throughout the day. If we leave our own spaces cluttered, they are more likely to as well.

Make it part of the routine - The more we incorporate it into our day, the less of an issue it becomes. Most days, clean up happens naturally as we play. The children know that we put one work away before choosing the next. When they are busy playing independently with open-ended toys, they know that we clean up before rest time, or at least before bedtime.

Wait for a Natural Pause - It’s important not to interrupt a child who is concentrating with something to remind them to put a work away. If my child hasn’t put a work away and has already moved on, I wait until they are done with the new work before pointing out the one that need to be put away. This lets them know we respect their work and their concentration while still following through on clean-up.

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Especially in a home versus a classroom, there are times when the children are playing independently, particularly with open-ended toys, when toys aren’t put away one at a time. This isn’t a bad thing, but it can lead to a bigger mess, and one that is harder for young children to initiate clean-up with. For S (17 mos), I simply continue to model. With D (3), here are some strategies I use:

Frame in the positive - When simple reminders are needed, I try to phrase in the positive instead of the negative. Instead of saying “You can’t ___ until you clean up!” I’d frame it in a positive light, e.g. “After you put these toys away we can make snack together!" That subtle difference makes a big difference.

Play a bell or Sing a song - Something about music makes everything feel easier and lighter. One tip is to ring a bell when it’s clean up time. Another is to sing a simple song together. These little tricks can make a big difference.

At the end of the day, we pick up toys, pick up toys, pick up toys

At the end of the day, we pick up toys, and put them all away.

Tomorrow we’ll take some out again, out again, out again

Tomorrow we’ll take some out again, and have fun when we play!

Offer choices - When there are toys all over, and it’s feeling overwhelming, it’s helpful to break it down and offer choices. For example, "Would you like to put away the blocks or trains? You choose." I typically help by cleaning up the one she doesn’t choose first.

Empathize - On that note, it’s important to show compassion. If our child is tired or hungry or just having a hard day, it’s okay to let the clean-up expectations go. In these instances I’ll say "It's been a long day. You can help or stay close to me while I tidy this up." That way, D is still involved in the process, seeing empathy modeled, but not forced into cleaning.

Keep in mind that all of this is a gradual process. I always recommend starting small, and giving them a little more responsibilty as they get used to being an active participant in the clean-up process. Our patience is key to clean-up being a positive and natural follow-up to play, rather than a battle of wills!

A Montessori Introduction to the Alphabet

Note: This is an updated version of my blog post from last year, after learning through teaching my daughter!

In Montessori education, learning to read and write is a gradual, natural, and tangible process that begins unconsciously. Already D is learning how to write. By using her pincer grasp to transfer objects and hold knobbed cylinders, she’s learning how to hold a pencil. By moving her paintbrush in zigzags and circles on the page, she’s learning the fluid movements of cursive. By hearing the beginning sounds of words, she’s learning how sounds combine to make words. There is no rush to this process; all children will learn to write and read in their own time.

“What the hand does the mind remembers.” - Maria Montessori

A common theme you will see in Montessori education is starting with the concrete and moving to the abstract. The more children can work with their hands, the better they will grasp the concept in their mind. (Same goes for adults!) The more we use multiple senses (sight, touch, sound), the more neural connections are made in the brain. This is especially true when it comes to literacy. For example, a Montessori child learning the letter “m” will hear the sound of the letter, then the feel and flow of the sandpaper “m”, and the look of “m” on paper, all at the same time. This makes learning letters not only more memorable and tangible, but also more fun.

Here are a few elements that make the Montessori introduction to the alphabet a bit different:

Phonetics - Rather than read the letter (e.g. B as “bee”), the focus is on the sound each letter makes (e.g. “buh”. (It’s important not to draw out the “uh” part but rather make it a short “buh” sound.) Children learn to sound each letter out, helping them to later combine sounds to make words. It’s much more intuitive and helpful for a child to spell “cat” when they know the letter sounds than the letter names. “Cat” vs. “See-ay-tee”! We focus on the

Writing > Reading - It may seem counterintuitive, but Montessori teaches writing before reading. Children are more easily able to put letters (sounds) together to make a word than they are able to connect the letters in words on paper or in a book. By learning the sounds/phonetics of each letter, they can begin to create words themselves. You will often see primary-age children building words with the moveable alphabet, even before they can physically write words. Creating words in this concrete way helps the mind truly understand the meaning of each letter and word, before writing with pencil and paper, and often before reading.

Cursive - Not every Montessori school teaches cursive, but this is the traditional method. Though it may seem outdated, there are real benefits to learning cursive before print. With cursive writing, letters physically connect to form words, and words are spaced in sentences. Cursive also involves fluid movements which are easier and more natural for small children (look at their drawings or paintings!). Print is typically easier to pick up after first learning cursive.

Putting this into Action

Pre-Writing: When I first wrote this blog post last year, I introduced the letter with the sound. Though she showed initial interest, that was replaced with confusion about the letters. So now, I’ve removed the letter symbols for the time being, while instead finding small ways to familiarize her with letter sounds and writing skills. The first way I can help prepare D for writing is by providing materials and activities that allow for fluid movement and the pincer grasp. Though she’s had plenty of practice with fluid movements in the form of art, I really love this prewriting board by Treasures from Jennifer. This board offers beautiful patterns to trace, with a finger, small wooden stick, or beads, that pave the way for future cursive writing. On the reverse side are shapes! Whether or not you have this board, any kind of tracing is great pracice for later writing.

Learning Phonemes: I’ve learned through experience that it is very important to first introduce the letter sound without the letter symbol at all. This can happen naturally as I label objects, e.g. “buh-ball!” in our play and exploration. Simply labeling objects and the sound they start with can be a great introduction to learning letter sounds. When she began to recognize a few letter sounds as we talked about them, we began to play simple sound games with familiar objects. Her favorites are “i-spy” and “mystery bag”. For I-spy, I set out 3 or 4 objects and say for example “I spy an object that starts with the sound “cuh” and she finds the cat. This helps familiarize her with the actual meaning of letter sounds before introducing the abstract letters themselves. Another challenge is “i-spy” around the house or outside, where she has to find an object not in front of her, e.g. “I spy something that starts with “ff” and she finds a flower.

A little more advanced than I spy is the stereognostic or mystery bag, where I hide the familiar objects in a bag and say “Can you find the hidden object that starts with “Puh?” and she pulls out a pumpkin for example. I love this one because she has to hold the image of the object in her mind as she feels around with her hands. It’s important not to over-correct during these games, but rather take note of what they DO know, adjust expectations, and acknoweldge what they are trying to show you. “Oh you found the a-apple!”

Sandpaper Letters: The most traditional Montessori approach to introduce the alphabet itself is through sandpaper letters, which allow a child to trace the letter, feeling its pattern and hearing or making the sound. There are different opinions about which letters to start with but often it’s m, s, t, and a. These are all used frequently and can easily form words when combined together. Letters are introduce in lowercase first, as that is seen much more frequently than uppercase. When I introduce a new letter, I use the three period lesson to do so.

Sound Tray: Since letters are pretty abstract, a fun way to make them more concrete is through a sound basket or tray. I like “S” as it’s a familiar and frequently used letter. When D is ready, I can put the “s” sandpaper letter in a tray with several objects that start with that sound: a sailboat, school bus, spider, and strawberry. When I show her this work, I simply lay the letter out, and slowly trace it with my index and middle finger as I make the sound “ss”. Then I label each of the objects, ensuring I make a clear “s” sound at the beginning of each word. She can then make the connection between the look, the sound, and the feel of the letter, as well as how it sound with real life objects. I use familiar objects (otherwise it’s important to first use the three-period lesson to introduce each object) and then play games such as “I spy” with each object to familiarize her with the objects and sounds. This activity helps her to group these objects in her mind, as things that begin with the same sound.

Sound Matching: Once she seems to have an understanding of a set of letters, I will create a matching activity with two letters and sets of objects. She can then sort each object depending on the sound it starts with. So if I had a basket with the letter “s” and “a”, she could figure out which letter “spider” goes with and which “airplane” goes with. Another fun variation once your child knows a few sounds is to play the “I Spy” game where you ask “I spy something that starts with “a” (showing them the letter) and they have to pick something from the basket (or around the house) that starts with that sound.

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There is no one perfect age to introduce these activities, but in my experience, phonemes can be introduced around 2.5 and actual introduction of the sandpaper letters after age three. Every child is different, so follow yours and their own interests and abilities. :)

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Montessori Tips for Self-Dressing

Most of us with young ones have struggled with getting our kids dressed. Once a child is crawling, the struggle begins and it can either get easier or harder when they insist on “I do it!!” As you can imagine, it’s a lot easier when our children have the skills to match their will. The more toddlers and preschoolers can do themselves, the more enjoyable the dressing process is for everyone! Keep in mind every child develops these skills at different ages, but you can expect your 3-year-old to do everything (maybe barring shirts) on their own.

Though getting dressed takes us seconds, it can take children a whole lot of minutes. This is the time we have to really channel our inner-patience. Set aside time for your child to practice dressing when you are NOT rushing out the door. Let them layer on those pants and wear a puffy jacket around the house in the summer. The more practice, the easier and quicker getting dressed will be when you actually are in a hurry. It’s also useful to make sure they have a step stool or chair in their bedroom and by the front door to sit on to get dressed. Additionally, hooks for coats and clothing that is accessible will allow them greater independence and joy!

I recommend introducing one item of clothing a time. Expecting a child to put on socks, shoes, pants, and shirts all at once is asking too much if they are starting at ground zero. Similarly, each item of clothing should be broken down into steps. For example, putting on shoes can be broken down into at least five steps per shoe: figure out left vs. right — open the velcro — slide foot in — put heel in — velcro closed, and then repeat for the other foot. When we are helping our child learn how to put on their shoes, we can think about those steps backwards. This means, if there are six steps, let them do just teh last step. When they can do that independently, invite them to do the last two steps - and so forth.

Here are some tips to make independent dressing easier for your child:

Shoes - We have found simple, single or double velcro strapped sneakers to be the easiest for putting on. You want it to be sturdy so that it doesnt bend down when the child puts their foot in. Shoes with heel tabs or teaching them to use a shoe horn can also help a child get their heel in easily. You want to make sure the shoe isn’t too tight. You can even have an extra pair that’s a size too big for them to practice with (and they will grow into soon!)

These shoes by Ten Little are pretty awesome because they make it easy to differentiate left versus right. You can also DIY with a large sticker cut in half. Last year, we used a different sticker method, with red dots for left and blue for right. Show your child how you first match the shoes to make the sticker whole or match the colors, and then put the shoes on the correct feet.

Socks - Socks are often tricker than shoes for toddlers. To practice the motion of putting on socks, let your child stretch rubber hair bands. They can even practice pulling hair bands over their feet onto their ankles, and back off again. When you do introduce socks, make sure they are extra stretchy, no taller than ankle socks, and maybe a size bigger than their feet. Again, start by only pulling them over their toes and let them just pull over the heel, until they get the hang of that step.

Underwear - These are easier to get on than pants, so start here first. Show your child how you find the waistband (that’s where the tag is!) and turn the tag to the back. Then point out each hole where each leg goes. As mentioned above, break this into steps so that they help with the last step, and finally, the first. This means they start by simply puling up the waistband in the front, then the waistband in the front and back, and finally, putting both legs in and pulling all the way up. Allso, make sure they are sitting down when they begin to put on underpants, so they don’t have the added challenge of balancing in tree pose!

Pants - If the weather permits, start with shorts. The shorter the leg, the easier to put on! It is also helpful to find pants that are roomy, stretchy, and have elastic waistbands without buttons or zippers. Avoid leggings until they’ve mastered jogger-type pants! We use the same step-by-step method as with underwear.

Jackets - This is our favorite thanks to the “Montessori Coat Flip”! Putting on a coat can be made a lot easier for toddlers with this trick. Lay the coat out so the hood/tag is at your child’s feet. Show them how to insert their arms into the arm holes and then stand and flip the coat over their head. Voila! The zipper or buttons can be a bit trickier. I’d recommend offering practice with dressing frames, which make learnigng how to button/zip easier with the fabric pulled taut.

Shirts - Shirts are often the trickiest for children to put on and take offf themselves. Again, start by letting them do the last step. Pull the shirt over their head and have them find one arm hole at a time. When they can get their arms in on their own, show them how to find the neck hole (biggest one) and pull it over their head. Then let them try it all together. It is easiest to start with short-sleeved shirts and then move to long-sleeve. Once again, it’s also best to make sure the shirts are roomy rather than tight!

Don’t Correct!

When your child does figure out how to get dressed, there will likely be a lot of backwards and inside out clothing. That’s okay! If it’s not bothering them, let it go and do not say anything. We want them to be proud of what they’ve accomplished rather than frustrated about not getting it exactly right. If they are bothered by it, you can offer the least amount of help to get it turned around or corrected. Make sure to acknoweldge how far they’ve come in their self-dressing journey!

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Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!