Finding a Caregiver you Trust

The process of finding a nanny or babysitter can be stressful and intimidating. Entrusting someone else to care for our children can bring up anxious feelings. Yet caregivers are necessary and helpful for many families. As someone who had great trepidation over leaving each of our children with date night babysitters for the first time, I hope this post can answer some of your questions and relieve some of your anxiety so you can go into this with courage and confidence! I will be channeling this courage too as we navigate finding a date night sitter for the first time since before the pandemic began.

How do I find a nanny or babysitter?

1. Ask friends and family

2. Local Facebook parents group

3. Nanny Websites or Agencies

What qualifications do I look for?

This depends on the ages and needs of your child(ren) and family. If you are looking for a mother’s helper a few days a week, a neighborhood high school student may be a great fit. Once they have spent time with your family and learned about your children, you may feel comfortable leaving your children in their care for a date night. Providing these opportunities to teenagers can even help to inspire our next generation of teachers and caregivers!

If you need full-time care or are looking to homeschool, you might prefer someone with a master’s in education or Montessori training. Each family’s needs are slightly different. It’s worth it to take the time to think about the ideal situation for your family before reaching out to find care.

Note: If you are posting on the internet or talking to a nanny agency, you can be a bit more specific about the way you parent. Mentioning Montessori and respectful parenting can help you to find a caregiver who matches your needs.

Must haves:

• Adult, infants, and child CPR/First Aid certification 

• Professional/Personal references (call them) 

• A background check (if you are hiring someone from the internet)

• Clean driving record (if they will be driving your children)

What questions do I ask them?

Ideally these questions are asked in person during an interview. I recommend inviting your potential nanny or babysitter over when your child(ren) are around so you can see how they interact with your child with you present. These are just a few sample questions. These will also depend on the type of care you are seeking.

“Why did you start nannying/babysitting?” 

I like to hear that they enjoy playing with my kids, helping them to learn and grow and that they enjoy being in a home setting because it helps my children to feel more comfortable. 

“What ages of children have you worked with?”

Though a nanny or babysitter could have years of experience, I like to know they have experience caring for children roughly the same age as mine. When I check references, I want to be sure to talk to a former employer of theirs who has/had children of similar ages if possible.

“What do you enjoy about working with children?” 

I like to look for an answer that shows me that this person cares about my children’s happiness and is not here just because they think babies are cute. 

“What is your preferred method for putting a child down for a nap?”

Most answers are okay, as I leave details about our own family’s routine. Having an answer to this question means that they have spent time learning and trying out different ways of helping kids to fall asleep. This shows me that they have taken the time to learn more and are observing children to learn what works well for them. 

“Are you comfortable preparing meals?”

It’s okay with me if they are not, but it will indicate how much I need to prepare food ahead of time.

“What do you enjoy doing in your free time?” 

I like to get a feel for this person’s personality and see if we have common interests. Getting to know them helps me to feel more comfortable when I leave my children in their care. 

“What is your favorite activity to do with children?”

Having an answer shows me that they have spent enough time with children to have a favorite activity. It also gives me a sense of what they might spend time doing with my children. Lastly, it lets me know that they understand what kinds of activities are age-appropriate for my children.

How do I prepare my toddler?

I find this transition works best when it’s a slow start. Whether it’s grandparents or a date night babysitter, I like to first spend time all together so that my children see me interacting with the caregiver. This lets my children know I trust that person and they can too. Then, I invite the caregiver to watch the children while I’m around but not invovled. Finally, I leave, but for a shorter time. Next, a longer time. This has allowed them to warm up in a gradual way.

Another important piece is preparing the kids the day of each event, so they know what is coming. I’ve found that children feel more comfortable when they know that I will be leaving a few hours before I actually go. So we talked about what would happen and then continued with our day as we usually would.

How do I actually say goodbye?

When the time arrives for me to actually depart, I let the kids know that I am getting ready to go but do not say any goodbye until I am about to walk out the door. I know from working in a toddler classroom that drawn out and unpredictable goodbyes are extremely hard for toddlers. Leaving without saying goodbye can also be scary and confusing for them. 

When I say goodbye, I give each child a quick hug and kiss goodbye and say "I love you so much. We will be back before bedtime." Being clear, confident, and calm as I say goodbye is so important. As is being honest about when I will return. Even though I might feel nervous, I know I have to exude confidence for the children to feel that too. There are typically some tears, but I trust any caregiver I leave them with to comfort them and help them through any hard feelings while we are gone. Often the tears end as soon as I am gone and everyone has a good time.

Choosing a Montessori School

I get asked about this a lot, and understandably so. Choosing the “right” Montessori school for your toddler or preschooler can be a real challenge! “Montessori” isn’t trademarked, so anyone can use the name in their school title, and thousands of schools do. Montessori in the name alone does not mean it is a Montessori school in the traditional sense. That may not matter to you, but if you’re looking for a more authentic Montessori experience, it’s important to know.

Simone Davies’ (The Montessori Notebook) Toddler Classroom

Although you can’t choose a school based on the name alone, there are various other Montessori trademarks and qualifications you can look for. There is of course no one size fits all, but in general, here are the attributes or factors that I look for when choosing or recommending a Montessori toddler or primary program:

Parents’ Instincts - This is the most important when it comes to childcare in general. Do you get a good feel for the place and from the teacher(s)? Do you sense a positive energy, happy children, and peaceful adults? Is the school clean and orderly? Montessori or not, you need to feel comfortable and safe leaving your child here.

Teaching Style - How does the teacher talk to the children? Montessori teachers are typically wonderful at communicating with the age group they are working with. Do they get down to the child’s level and speak to them with respect? Do they pause and listen to what the child has to say? Conversely, I would avoid schools and teachers that use rewards or punishments, or label children good or bad.

Montessori Trained Teachers - If you want a true Montessori experience, this is very important. The two trainings I look for are AMI or AMS certifications. (I have my AMS infant-toddler certification). The AMI training is a bit more traditional/rigid while the AMS training is a little more flexible, but in my opinion, the similarities outweigh the differences. Other teachers are trained through NAMC, which I’ve also heard good things about but don’t know as well myself. Assistants are not typically Montessori certified. An added bonus is if the school itself is affiliated with AMI or AMS.

Mixed-Age Classroom - Montessori classrooms have a wider age range in each class than is typical in other schools. A toddler class usually goes from 18 months to 2.5 or 3 years. A primary class goes from 3 to 6 years (includes kindergarten year). One of the wonderful things about mixed-age classrooms is that the younger students learn from the older ones, and the older students learn to teach the younger ones. It is so valuable for young children to have this experience, as well as consistency that spans across years.

Layout - Take a look at the classroom, or a few, and note how the room is organized. Is it clean, orderly, and spatious? Montessori classrooms should be inviting for the child, with shelves of organized trays and baskets and plenty of floor space and tables to work at. The furniture should be made of wood, with plenty of natural materials on the shelves. Montessori classrooms are typically not as bright, loud, and overstimulating as many other kinds of preschools.

Self-directed Play - If you are able, observe in the prospective classroom. Watch how the children interact with the materials, each other, and the teachers. Children in a Montessori classroom should be allowed to choose their own work, focus on it, and seek help when needed. Other children might be playing with friends or working alongside one another. Teachers come over to children one-by-one rather than talking over them. There should be a fairly long work cycle for self-directed play, in addition to time outdoors and time together for songs and meals.

Teacher Turnover Rate - Not specific to Montessori, but I always like to look at how long teachers have worked at the school. It’s normal and common for there to be some turnover, and for teachers to leave (like I did after a baby!) but it may be a red flag if there is frequent teacher turnover at the school, especially mid-year. Children do best at schools that teachers enjoy teaching at, and turnover rate is a pretty good indication of that.

Montessori Children’s House of Valley Forge - Primary Classroom

Note: most Montessori schools do not offer super part-time schedules. This is because children thrive on consistency and routine. However, they do exist and some schools offer flexibility. We were lucky to find a program where D can go a few mornings a week, as that works best for our family right now. She does well with part-time because we model our home in such a similar way, so routines aren’t constantly changing between home and school. It can be really challening for toddlers who have different rules and routines at home to then have to “re-learn” the routine at school each week for the two days they attend. It can also be difficult for a Montessori program to afford such part-time options. I hope that helps you understand why Montessori schools often insist on 4-5 day programs, as well as the importance of consistency for small children. Good luck in your search, and feel free to reach out with questions.

Montessori for Grandparents and Caregivers

One of the most frequent questions I get is how to help grandparents/nannies/caregivers better understand or follow Montessori with their children. It is tough to answer, because it really depends on the person, and the situation. I have also been lucky to have both parents and in-laws who have read my blog since day 1 and take what I write and say to heart. I know many of you reading this haven’t had the same experience, so this is for you!

In defense of grandparents and experienced nannies, it can be tough for them to parent differently. They probably did a wonderful job raising their own kids (including you) and don’t see the need to grandparent differently. They also love your babies almost as much as you. That being said, grandparents need to also respect your own parenting style and wishes for your own children. How you raise your children, and with what values, is ultimately you and your spouse’s decision only.

It’s also worth deciding what Montessori principles really matter to you, and how much time grandparents or caregivers spend with your child. As we only have occasional sitters, I don’t really worry about whether or not those babysitters know anything about Montessori. A few hours of “good jobs” and doing everything for my children isn’t going to hurt anyone. The important thing is that they are responsible, fun, and loving. Even a weekend with grandparents who don’t “do Montessori” won’t mess up what you have going on at home. However, if someone else were watching my child a few days a week, their caregiving style would matter a lot more to me, and I’d want them to understand a bit more about Montessori philosophy.

I created these “cheat sheets” as one place to introduce Montessori to grandparents, nannies, or caregivers who aren’t quite on the same page as you yet. While these cheat sheets are far from a complete guide, I hope they can open up a conversation about how you are trying to parent differently. If they are open to it, I recommend having them read some blog articles or even The Montessori Toddler by Simone Davies. I also highly recommend this short video about infant/toddler Montessori programs and this other video about the Montessori philosophy in general.

There are likely certain principles or issues you care more about, so focus on those with your parents or nannies. Maybe that’s screen time, maybe it’s letting your infant learn to walk on their own, or maybe it’s the kind of words they use. Whatever it is, let some of the other things go, because we all need a little time and patience to learn, and teach, something new.

Lastly, the other common question I get is in regard to gifts from family and friends. I recommend making lists ahead of holidays. They don’t need to be super specific, but you could give some examples of the types of toys you are looking for. Other options are books and clothes. Another way to dodge noisy, light-up toys is to ask for money towards their college fund or a membership to your local children’s museum or zoo. If you do receive a gift that you don’t love, you can always pass it on, or do what I do, and keep it in the car or for “emergencies”. ;)