The Power of (a Child's) Observation

So often in Montessori we talk about the value of observation as it pertains to adults observing children. While it is important to take a step back and observe our children as they work, it is equally valuable for our children to observe us, and each other. Children, from the time they are born, are skilled observers. How incredible is it that babies learn simply by being and observing? They typically do not need to be taught to talk and play and walk - they simply watch and learn. With three children, I’ve had an abundance of opportunities to observe how they observe…

Many children are observers when they are somewhere new, and that is especially true for D and S. It hasn’t always been easy for me to watch them not jump in and try new things or “join the fun”. I have to remind myself that while many children learn best by doing, some children learn best by first observing. Our job is to provide opportunities and a safe base from which to explore, and their job is to trust themselves to decide when to dive in, or not.

S (3) is in his first year of primary and has spent the majority of his first month observing. He stays close to his teacher and watches her give lessons and the children work. Even so, there has been no shortage in learning. I can see how much he’s absorbed through observation when he comes home and gets to work here. He goes to our playroom and unrolls and rolls rugs on repeat. He traces letters and makes different letter sounds. He sings the songs he’s learned on repeat. He meticulously chops carrot sticks from his lunch box “the way my teacher does it”. Observation is education.

D started primary in the exact same way. Now in her third (kinder) year of primary, she simply dove into work on day one. It is beautiful to see her growth each year in the same classroom. This doesn’t mean she has stopped observing. As most children do, she observes before and as she works. I see this observation play out through her pretend play at home. We come home from school and she immediately dives into playing school with her stuffed animals, acting out whatever she observed that day. Observation leads to deep pretend play as a way to process the day’s events.

Birth order plays a role too. While D, as the oldest, mostly learned by observing adults as a baby, S and J learn so much by observing each other. I remember when S was a young toddler and I introduced the kitchen knife, I didn’t even need to give him a lesson. He picked it up, held it correctly, and began chopping just as he’d seen D do many times before. J, observing his older siblings sing in the car at the top of their lungs, has already learned how to coo loudly along with them. He’s also quite eager to crawl right after them as they play, seeing just what opportunities movement can offer him. Observation is a key piece of multi-age environments.

Children’s sharp observation skills can also serve as a reminder of the importance of modeling. If we would like our child to hang up their coat, we have to do so ourselves first. Simply asking or saying the words isn’t enough. When we model something over and over, they pick up on it simply by observing that action again and again. The other weekend my husband decided to build the kids a mud pit so they’d focus their digging in a designated spot. When he asked if they wanted to help, they initially said no, but once they observed him out there with his tools, they were eager to join in. Observation is often more powerful than listening.

Observation is important for us all. It can be tempting to jump right in and fix something for our child just as it can be hard to watch them sit on the sidelines. But I have learned time and time again that pushing to “do” doesn’t get anyone anywhere. Many people, both children and adults, need the space and time to take in their surroundings by watching and listening first.

Observation isn’t what comes before the work - it is the work.

"Me First!": From Sibling Competition to Collaboration

A few phrases I hear on the regular include: “Get me out first!”, “No, I’m sitting next to mommy!”, “Read MY book first!”

On the surface, it seems so silly for the kids to be arguing over who is going to get unbuckled from their car seat first or who gets to sit on my left side on the couch. It can be challenging to be patient in these moments. But when I dig deeper (which I tend to do when lying in bed at night), I can usually get to the root of all of these seemingly petty arguments. Once I understand the cause, I can better handle both the situation and my own response.

The common thread among these “me first” arguments is a yearning for my attention. It is HARD to share a person that you love. It’s understandable that they both want to feel that they are the most important and each very loved by me. This is more true than ever as we get ready to welcome a new baby. While I know with certainty that I could not love one child more than the other, that is a trickier concept for young children to understand. Attention = love in their minds, and they are keenly aware of the balance or imbalance of that attention each moment of each day.

While there are still plenty of “me first” arguments, I’ve found a few strategies that seem to help. Some of the strategies I’m sharing are preventative and can be implemented anytime. Other strategies are ones I use in the moment, when the arguing and competition is high.

1:1 Time

The best way to fill each child’s cup and make them feel uniquely loved is through 1:1 time with either me or my husband. While this can be a special outing together (such as going to the children’s theater as pictured below!), I find just as much benefit from small moments each day. This might be preparing a meal or playing a board game together while the other sibling is busy playing or reading a favorite story while the other is napping or already in bed. These short but sweet one-on-one times each day boost their confidence in our relationship, and let them know they are special to us.

The goal isn’t “equal”

One of the best ways to nurture the sibling friendship and reduce the rivalry is to not try to make everything fair or equal for them. Siblings are related but they are each very unique. Just as they prefer different breakfasts, they have different needs from me. While S craves lots of physical contact, D wants time to play board games and work alongside one another. I don’t have to give them the same thing to make each feel better. I simply have to meet each one where they are at.

Predictable Routines

The more we stick to a (semi) predictable routine, the more the kids thrive, especially together. The biggest meltdowns and sibling arguments happen when they are surprised and unsure of what’s coming. A good example of this is when I “surprise” them with a special treat. I get excited to share it with them and then before I know it, it’s all about who got the bigger piece and not at all about the joy of a treat. This is in contrast to our weekly predictable trip to the bakery or their favorite park, where they know what they will get and the same arguments don’t occur. Of course life is full of surprises, as it should be, but it’s helpful to keep in mind that surprises can lead to bigger feelings and fights, and to be emotionally prepared for it!

Let the Kids Solve it

Now that the kids are both preschool age (almost 3 and 5), I find I can help them move from competition to collaboration by letting them come up with solutions. For example, if they are arguing about who gets to feed the dog, I will say something like “You both really want to feed Kula, and she’s lucky to have two family members who want to help take care of her! How do you think you can both take care of Kula and still make sure she gets her dinner tonight?” In the past, the kids (often D) have suggested that one gets the food and one gets the water for Kula. They also decided to take turns feeding Kula at dinnertime and they keep track of whose turn it is each evening far better than I do. While I’ll admit letting them come to a solution on their own does not always work, it is such great practice for them to brainstorm and come up with solutions together.

Work as a Team

If we notice they are starting to argue often, we try to put the kids on the same team instead. This means coming up with activities where they are working towards a common goal. Rather than ask them to race each other to get ready, I might ask if they can work together to clean up all the little pieces before the song ends or if they can get in their car seats before I pack up the trunk. I often include myself in the team and help them out, modeling that we all work as a team. I even say “let’s work as a team to _____” which helps them think about our family or each other as a team. My husband is especially good at inventing big movement games where they try to beat a clock or even him instead of each other. I also really like cooperative board games for this reason - they are trying to win together.

Moving from competition to collaboration is as constant and challenging a practice for us adults as it is for kids. The less value we put on being first, the less the kids focus on being first. Simply being aware of this, combined with a sense of compassion and understanding for how difficult sharing a loved one is, can make the biggest difference of all.

Our Favorite Newborn Baby Products (Updated 2022)

Though I usually cover Montessori topics only, I also get lots of questions about favorite baby products beyond Montessori materials. Here is a roundup of my favorite products for the early days with a baby. By no means would I call these “essentials”, but they have been very useful with each of our babies and I am looking forward to bringing them back out for this next baby due in May!

K’tan carrier - This was my most used item with both D and S in the first few months. I find this carrier really easy to use and wear, and love the various wearing options it provides for your baby’s different stages. I put S in this carrier when we are out and about, and at home when I need two hands and he doesn’t want to rest in his bassinet or on the floor. He is content being close to me, and I love the snuggles!

Ergo carrier - Though I primarily use the K’tan in the newborn phase, this is our favorite carrier for hiking or longer walks. It fits both my husband and I well. It’s extremely comfortable and distributes the weight evenly across your body. We used it from birth with the newborn insert, and it got even more use in later infancy and toddlerhood.

Halo Bassinet - I found with both babies nursing through the night, it was easiest to have them sleep right next to our bed in a bedside bassinet. I liked that they could sleep right next to me, but without fear of pillows/rolling into me. The halo is great because of it’s see-through mesh sides and adjustable height. I kept each child in a bassinet in our room until they transitioned to floor beds in their own rooms around 6 months.

Ollie swaddle - We tried so many swaddles with D, but used this one from the start with S and it’s by far my favorite. It’s worth the cost because unlike others, one size fits all. It is super easy to put on, and it doesn’t ride up over their mouth. You can also secure it under their armpits so they can have free arms and hands too, while still feeling snug and swaddled. While newborns do not need to be swaddled, both D and S slept so much better at night when swaddled those first few weeks.

Topponcino - This is another item we used multiple times a day with each baby, to rest on and gaze at their mobiles from. When they lie on his back here, they are completely unrestricted in their movements. They are also free to stretch their arms and legs, suck on their fingers, and turn their head side to side. The topponcino also provided a safe way for D to hold S in her lap. S also took some short naps here!

Mobiles - Mobiles are the first Montessori material we introduce and were enjoyed by both our babies from 2 weeks on. These mobiles encourage visual tracking and focus without overstimulation. These mobiles are purely visual, but once our babies were reaching out, we attached ribbons, bells, and other tactile mobiles to this wooden play gym.

Boppy - This definitely makes nursing more comfortable, and my posture is better when using it. Though I’ll be honest, I use it much less with S because I was often nursing him on the go with a toddler running around! When supervised, I occasionally used the Boppy for an extra cushion when they were alert but fussy on their back, or for assisted tummy time. The black and white high contrast cards pictured are another favorite, as infants’ color vision is still developing.

UppaBaby stroller - This was one of our most appreciated gifts when S was born. There are so many customizations to this stroller, but our favorite was the toddler (rumble) seat with bassinet below. You can also easily pop in our UppaBaby carseat. It is perfect for outings and walks to the park and in the city, when the diaper bag is full and I need a break from wearing baby. This time around, with bigger kids, we are trying the Thule double stroller which also comes with a bassinet option.

Hatch sound machine/nightlight - We used these from infancy on with both kids. It functions as both a noise machine and a nightlight, as well as a time-to-rise toddler clock. You can adjust brightness, sound type, volume, and color from your phone, which has proved useful on many occasions!

Travel sound machine - We used this portable sound machine when we were on the go and it really helped with sleep when your baby (like ours) sleeps best with white noise. It can also play lullaby music.

Como Tomo bottles - With both babies, it was nice to have the freedom to pump and give a bottle from time to time (and for my husband to be able to feed him). These are by far my favorite bottle for new babies, as they mimic a breast in shape and feel. Both D and S preferred these bottles to any others.

Aden & Anais burpy bibs - You can never have too many burp cloths, and these are some the best. Not only are they super soft and come in fun patterns, but they can later be used as a wrap-around bib when baby starts solids! I also love Aden & Anais swaddle blankets.

Magnetic Me Footies - In terms of clothing, these are hands-down the best for quick changes. I especially love them for nighttime diaper changes. No snaps, no zippers, just magnets. Such a great invention!

Kickee Footies - These are my favorite comfy PJs - made from bamboo and oh-so-soft. The kids wore Kickee pajamas all through infancy and toddlerhood. They are nice and thin for summertime too, and come in really fun patterns and colors! They are available with footies or without, and with zippers or snaps.

Newborn Gowns - Lastly, these are my third favorite option for nighttime. Gowns make diaper changes a breeze! The brand Monica and Andy also make super-soft gowns, like the scooter one S is wearing below.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Books to Prep Siblings for a New Baby

As my belly keeps growing, so have the questions about baby. With only two months to go, the kids (2 and 4) are beginning to recognize that a shift is happening, and are understandably both curious and a little nervous. We have been reading quite a few books, both about pregnancy and having a new sibling, to give them both knowledge and comfort. Many of these have come from our library, but I’ve also purchased a few favorites.

Pregnancy

Mama’s Belly - This is my personal favorite. The words and pictures are lovely but also realistic. A little girl asks question after question about the baby growing in her mama’s belly. She feels excited to help and worried about sharing her special things. Sometimes her mama gets grumpy and tired, and loses a lap to read in. Yet they still share special moments and over time, she feels assured that her mother will have more than enough room in her heart for them both.

Nine Months - This is a really beautiful picture book for preschoolers (and older) who want to know more about the month-by-month development of the baby in utero. The pictures are detailed and accurate. The words are sing-songy and simple, but offer little hints at what the baby can do at each phase. Once D found out that our baby could hear her, she has been singing to him often.

Hello in There - This is a favorite interactive, lift-the-flap book for the kids, though the illustrations are more whimsical than realistic. The story is told from the perspective of an excited big sister-to-be, as she asks the baby what it’s like in mommy’s belly and offers reassurance and tales of all the fun they will have soon. “We’re all waiting for you - come out and play!”

Where do Babies Come From? - This is the simplest book I have found on the topic of “how did baby get in your belly?”, and provides just enough information about pregnancy for young children. I like that it’s already in a question and answer format, making it relatable for preschoolers who are full of questions! If you’re looking for a more in-depth explanation of where babies come from for older kids, check out It’s Not the Stork.

A New Baby

Lola Reads to Leo - We are big fans of all the Lola books, and this is no exception. This book is great for toddlers and preschoolers alike. In this story, big sister Lola finds lots of ways to help, especially by picking out her favorite books for each moment and reading to him. Though this doesn’t cover any of the real tricky moments of being a big sibling, it’s sweet and offers realistic ways a small big sibling can feel helpful.

My New Baby - This is one of four board books in a series, with simple and short text making it great for toddlers. In this book, a little big sibling comments on and asks lots of questions about the baby, such as “Is the baby still asleep?” and “Why does baby always have milk?” It captures a toddler’s point of view well, while offering little hints about what it might be like to have a baby sibling at home.

I’m a Big Sister Now / I’m a Big Brother Now - This is a new favorite for us, and is especiallly great for the preschool ages. In each version of this book, the new big sibling helps prepare for the baby’s arrival, greet the baby once home, and finds ways to play with the baby as it grows. I appreciate that this book does mention some of the tough stuff: waiting, being told to be quiet, and stinky diapers. Despite having a “big job”, being a big sibling is still pretty good after all.

Big Brother Time / Big Sister Time - More than the other books, this one really captures the challenges of being a big sibling. My kids enjoy the humor that comes with this one as the big sibling learns they get to teach baby the “rules”. Rules include not sleeping with their big-kid blankie, no building pillow forts at bedtime even if they’re cozy, and being on the same team when friends come over. As the big sibling makes the rules, they realize that there is more good than bad that comes with a new little sibling.

I’m Big Now - The new big sister in this story isn’t sure she wants to be “big” so she decides to try being a “big girl baby”. She tries on her old baby clothes and squeezing in her old crib. But she soon realizes she much prefers crunchy cereal to mushy food, the potty to wet diapers, and running freely to being strapped in a stroller. As she reassures her baby sibling that they too will be “big someday too”, her parents reassure her that she will always be special to them. The rhyming verses make this extra sweet to read.

Just Right Family - This has been a good read as we discuss the different ways families come to be. This story is about a little girl whose parents are about to adopt another baby. She loves hearing the story of how they became a family and isn’t sure she’s ready to let someone new in. But once she meets her new baby sister, she feels pride in telling her little sister the same story of how their family became complete.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

The Flexible Montessorian

Lately I’ve been asking myself what it means to be a “Montessori family”. It’s become clear, after almost 5 years of incorporating Montessori into my own parenting, that there is no one way to be a Montessori parent. How we incorporate Montessori into our families and homes looks different for everyone, and even looks different over time within one family. Parenting, Montessori or not, requires flexibility and being open to change. Life changes, and our positions and priorities do too. 

Some areas that we have changed course on over the course of parenting: 

Book Choice: When we started our Montessori journey at home, almost all of our books were based in reality. This was in line with the philosophy and it made sense to me. It still does, AND we have also found equal value, and importantly joy, in books featuring talking animals. I found when purchasing books based only in reality, I was limiting the diversity of authors and stories that exist in our home. I was also limiting the free choice my kids had when browsing at the library. Now that my daughter is closer to 5, she chooses many of her own books and often they involve fantasy too. If it scares her, she asks me to stop reading, and when she has questions, I answer honestly. I have found that widening our library has only opened more doors! 

Screen Time: When the kids were babies, it was easy for us to be a “screen-free family”. As they grew, and we entered into a global pandemic, our thoughts and rules on screens changed a bit. At one point, a screen became the only way to see their grandparents and D’s teacher/classmates. It also offered me a break on some very long and challenging days. Luckily with kids back in school and family visits more frequent, we don’t rely on screens as we did in Spring 2020. But we haven’t cut them out completely either. The kids get to watch about 30 minutes of shows each afternoon. This happens at the same time every day, so they know what to expect and don’t protest when it’s over. They watch on the family TV rather than tablets, so they have to agree on what to watch together. Screens in other forms such as a phone or tablet are a rarity. This is a balance that works for our family, and may look very different for another family. That’s okay! 

Toys: Another gradual shift in how we do or don’t incorporate Montessori at home has been our toy purchases. Whereas classic, primary-colored Montessori materials filled our shelves in infancy and early toddlerhood, our shelves now are quite a bit more colorful and busy. As we don’t homeschool, our focus is simply on play at home. This looks like a lot of board games, puzzles, and open-ended toys, many Waldorf-inspired. Toy rotations happen, but only every couple of months rather than every couple of weeks. 

Even Montessori schools can make changes and assess their curriculum based on the needs of their group of children. Our school recently made the switch from introducing cursive first to print letters first. I see sound arguments for both, and haven’t questioned their decision as I trust it was well thought out and discussed. While we started with cursive for D, it has been a rather seamless transition to learning print now at school. I am told she will work more on cursive writing in her kindergarten year. I appreciated the school’s willingness to adapt to current times or needs, and it served as a reminder that we can all do the same. 

At the end of the day, more of how we “do Montessori” remains the same. We apply Maria Montessori’s philosophy in our home in so many ways: how we talk to our children with respect, invite them in our day to day tasks, give them time and space to freely explore their interests, seek out real world experiences, and set up an environment to grow in independence and confidence. Rather than let the Montessori philosophy dictate our choices, we let it influence our life instead.

"Extra" Activities vs. Free Play

Do I sign my toddler up for that gymnastics class or just let them jump off cushions at home? Is my child going to be behind if I don’t sign them up for a music class? What if I benefit from these classes as much as my child? Does this activity align with Montessori? These are the types of questions that I often hear from parents of young childen and questions I’ve even asked myself.

Let’s first talk about how organized activities might fit in with Montessori. This isn’t a simple answer. Some Montessori families are involved in a variety of extra activities/sports/classes and some families none. It’s a personal choice, but one that should be the child’s as much as the adult’s. And by no means are any organized activities necessary for young children. I’ll share how we think about it in our family.

If you’ve been here a while, you won’t be surprised to hear that we try to find a balance of planned activities and free time, leaning more heavily on the free. I want my children to have plenty of time and space to independently explore and discover. This, however, doesn’t rule out other activities. This spring, the kids are each signed up for one weekly class. We offered a few options for them to choose from that fit with our schedule and weren’t a huge time commitment. D chose dance (continuing from fall and winter) and S chose soccer. In addition, we take the kids to the pool once a week and S to an gymnastics open playtime when D is still in school. Beyond that, their free time is spent playing, often independently and with each other. That might be at home, in our backyard, with friends, or at local parks and playgrounds. 

Different families will make different choices that fit their needs and schedules. I can see clear benefits to both organized activities and free play that are worth laying out for those who are trying to decide what feels “worth it”. I’d also like to add that although babies and toddlers can’t always choose to be involved in an activity, they can be really beneficial to parents who might otherwise not have social opportunities (oh hey, pandemic). It’s okay to consider yourself in these decisions!

Organized Activities 

• Learning or building on a new skill 

• Following directions from a new adult

• Stepping out of comfort zone 

• Expending energy

• A special weekly outing 

• Time with new peers

• Opportunity to meet other parents

Free Play

• Doesn’t cost anything

• Endless room for creativity

• Open exploration and discovery

• Free movement 

• Opportunity to grow in independence

• Time with family or friends

• No time constraints

Although our family prioritizes free play above all else right now, I recognize that the kids may choose to be involved in more organized activities when they are in elementary school and beyond. As with all things parenting, priorities and interests shift with time, and different circumstances necessitate different choices!

A Jigsaw Puzzle Progression

What comes after knob and peg puzzles? One next step is jigsaw puzzles! I generally see interest for simple 2-piece jigsaw puzzles around age two. While some toddlers take off and are ready for giant floor puzzles within months, others stick with 2- and 3-piece puzzles for some time. There isn’t one right timeline, but there is a typical progression. I’ll share that progression as well as some of our favorites in each category.

2-3 piece puzzles

My favorite 2- and 3-piece puzzles are by Learning Journey. There are several versions of these 2-piece puzzles and these 3-piece realistic animal puzzles have been S’ favorite for a while now.

4-6 piece puzzles

My favorite beginner 4-piece jigsaw puzzles are these Melissa & Doug wooden ones with the border for each puzzle. I do wish all four weren’t on one board, but you can still start out by only putting out one puzzle (4 pieces) at a time, and then adding more as your child is ready for more of a challenge.

Note that there are lots of cute 4/5/6-piece puzzle sets such as this farm animal one, which are cute but often a bit trickier as they aren’t consistent sizes and it’s not clear where the pieces connect. A better option for toddlers is this set by Eric Carle, where each puzzle (of varying pieces) forms a rectangle.

12-16 piece puzzles

Transitioning to this many pieces is usually a pretty big jump for toddlers, as they go from being able to clearly see how 3-4 pieces fit together, to having to do a lot of trial and error with a dozen or more pieces.

There are a variety of 12-piece puzzles, including the beautiful ones pictured by artist Jo Collier (gifted to us by Playroom Collective). Others include simple jigsaw puzzles by Mudpuppy (I love the ziplock it comes with!) or these 15-piece ones by Puzzle Huddle. Melissa and Doug make some fun 12-piece wooden puzzles as well.

24-36 piece puzzles

Once your child gets to this stage, there are endless options for jigsaw puzzles! D first got interested in puzzles with more pieces through any type of jumbo floor puzzle. From there, some of our favorite jigsaw puzzle shops have included: Puzzle Huddle, Crocodile Creek, and Mudpuppy.

Note that your toddler will likely still enjoy wooden peg puzzles even after being introduced to beginning jigsaw puzzles, and your preschooelr who is able to do 48-piece puzzles might still enjoy simpler ones. We can offer both! Meeting our child where they are at with puzzles will not only boost their self confidence but also their frustration tolerance, concentration, and problem solving skills!

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Modeling Slow-Paced Learning

Learning new skills is frustrating. It can take weeks, months, or even years to learn something new. If this feels long to us, imagine how long it feels to a child who has only lived a few years. How do we explain to our children that some skills just take a LOT of time and practice first? 

One way to do this is by modeling and normalizing the struggle. We can model the learning process ourselves, including the mistakes, the frustration, and the repetition that comes along with it. So often young children only see the things we already know and feel confident in. The truth is there is a lot we are still learning too. When our children see us, the parents, work through challenges, they feel less alone. When they see us make mistakes and experience frustration, they don’t feel shame around it. 

In our home, I’ve been observing D’s strong interest in learning to write and read. I’ve also witnessed frustration as she loses patience and wants to be able to read “right NOW”. Meanwhile, S has been working hard on dressing himself. He does NOT want my help but he also struggles with items like shirts and zippers. How can I support them?

These intense (and sometimes stubborn) desires to gain new skills and independence have led me to reflect on my own path to learning. I recognize that I was, and still can be, a perfectionist. I struggled with the time it took to learn something new and would rather not show off a new skill until I was quite good at it. 

These reflections have led me to make a more conscious effort to more outwardly share mistakes and verbalize my own challenges in front of the kids. It’s also inspired me to try new things and stick with the hard parts. For example, I’ve always been intimidated to make bread from scratch and only recently began experimenting with some recipes. S loves helping and D loves “reviewing” each loaf I’ve made and we laugh at my flops together. I am also always in the process of learning yoga, and the kids love watching me topple out of balance. These challenges can be small and still meaningful to our children. I hope to find some bigger challenges/hobbies too though!

Another way I model the slowness of learning is by sharing stories of my own childhood. I share memories of times I had to work really hard and keep practicing to master something challenging and new. For example, learning how to rollerblade, solve math problems, or play the piano. I’ve found the stories can be quite simple but importantly, authentic and relatable.

Lastly, when the kids are repeatedly getting frustrated with a challenge that they really want to master but just can’t quite yet, I look to the environment. I consider ways to make the task at hand more do-able. For S, are there shirts that are stretchier and bigger that I can make available to him? Is there a zipper frame I could set up to make zipping up jackets an easier task? For D, can I make sure she has ways to check her own work when writing her letters so she doesn’t feel so frustrated having to ask me. Can I offer fun and simple activities that meet her where she’s at rather than where she wants to be? Small tweaks to the environment and activities available can go a long way.

New Year's Goal: 1000 hours outside

Happy New Year! Although I’m not a huge fan of New Year’s resolutions, I am a fan of setting family goals. This year’s will be to spend 1000 hours outside, as inspired by the movement set forth by Ginny Yurich. As we’ve shifted into the colder winter months, I’ve found myself finding more excuses to stay inside. While there is a coziness to staying inside, there are also endless benefits to going (and staying!) outside, all year long.

When we’re outside:

• My kids discover the most simple and pure of joys 

• We all feel better physically and emotionally

• There is less sibling conflict

• Learning happens naturally and spontaneously

• Our appreciation for the earth and its creatures grows

• We all sleep and eat better

• And so much more

I’m venturing into the goal of 1000 hours outside with this mindset: Even if we don’t hit the goal, it will be an excellent way to make a conscious effort to spend more time outdoors. It will be an opportunity to step out of our comfort zone and to connect with like-minded families looking to do the same.

For those curious, 1000 hours works out to about 2.7 hours a day. While we are lucky to live in a more mild climate where being outside is possible all year round, I expect we (and many people in more extreme climates) will shift more of the hours outside to spring, summer, and fall. Though after reading the book, There’s No Such Thing as Bad Weather, perhaps not!

Although I’ve never counted our hours outside before (and I doubt they’ve added up to 1000), we have always prioritized being outdoors in our family. It’s not just a family value; it’s also a large part of the Montessori philosophy. Montessori and time in the outdoors go hand in hand. This is one of my favorite quotes:

“There is no description, no image in any book that is capable of replacing the sight of real trees, and all the life to be found around them, in a real forest. Something emanates from those trees which speaks to the soul, something no book, no museum is capable of giving.” - Maria Montessori

With a focus on learning with all the senses, Montessori believed it is essential for young children to experience all the sounds, smells, sights, and textures that nature offers. Through hands-on learning and playing in nature, children develop a deep understanding and appreciation of the Earth.

In most Montessori classrooms, there is a seamless transition from inside to outside learning. Children are permitted to freely move back and forth between the two, with meaningful work in both places. I know that has been a huge benefit to my children as movement and learning go hand in hand.

Beyond the kids’ Montessori school, I will still have a lot of hours to fill outside with them. I know I can’t complete this goal without a plan and a prepared environment. Here are a few things I’m considering as we step into the new year:

• Having appropriate outdoor apparel and gear

• Setting up the entryway for easy in/out

• Make a list of favorite places that are walkable

• Move practical life and art activities outside

• Eat more meals outdoors

• Prep meals and snacks ahead of time

• Recruit friends to do this with us 

• Research local adventures for weekends

• Keep the car packed with extra clothes and gear

• Refresh on wilderness safety with kids

As for specific activity ideas, 1000 Hours Outside has a book full of them as well as pages of inspiration on their website. They also offer free trackers as well as a new app to keep count of hours. If you’re feeling inspired too, check it out!

I also recognize it is a privilege for my children and I to spend so much time outdoors. This has led me to two organizations to support: Black Kids Adventures and Wild Diversity. Consider a donation to one of these if you too are looking for a way to help ALL children find joy in the outdoors!

A Guide to Making Holiday Wish Lists

It’s that time of year again and the holiday shopping has begun early this year! While I am not creating specific gift guides (you can find previous gift ideas here) I thought it might be helpful to share how I plan out my holiday shopping for the kids (now 2 and 4 years old). Keep in mind, these are all just ideas, not an indication of the number of gifts one should give or receive. :)

What is fun AND functional? While our family typically emphasizes play in our holiday gifts, sometimes the kids’ favorite presents aren’t toys at all. Rather, they are the most excited about functional items and tools. This year’s big ticket items for the kids will likely be suitcases for the kids as we begin more travel this coming year. I’m also eyeing a rain gauge, hammer and tool kit, and a new houseplant for the kids to take care of. 

What are their unique interests? Just because I think a toy is exciting or beautiful doesn’t mean my child will! It helps to think about what our children are most engaged and interested in. S spends a lot of time constructing, so I’m looking at adding these blocks to our collection. D spends a lot of time creating art so I’ve added a spirograph to her list. They both are deep into pretend play, so a joint gift might be this doctor kit.

What can we expand on? - Holidays are also a great time to add pieces to a larger collection. This can be a great way to give meaningful toys without adding to the clutter. For example, we typically add one or two wooden animals to our favorite Holztiger collection and trains or tracks to our Brio set each Christmas. Other collections to add to each year could be Lego/Duplos, Magna Tiles, or Grimms wooden toys. 

How long will it be enjoyed? With both kids in school part-time, a lot of what they do at home is open-ended play. With these types of toys, I look for materials that will last a long time, both in terms of durability and enjoyment. I look for toys that grow with the kids, and can be played with in a variety of different ways. Examples in our home have been Sarah’s Silks, our play Ice Cream set, and wooden blocks.

Who do we want to support? As much as possible, I try to support local and small shops when holiday shopping. These shops also always offer new inspiration and ideas. Some long-time favorites of ours include: Heirloom Kids, Montessori in Color, Natural Playbox, Birch Street Goods, and Mirus Toys. A couple larger favorite online source for holiday shopping are For Small Hands and Kido.

What experiences would they enjoy? Holidays don’t have to be about toys. It can be really fun to gift children experiences to look forward to! Some ideas include tickets to a children’s show/performance, a special day out with just you, a music or gymnastics class, or tickets to a special zoo or kids museum exhibit.

I hope this helps those of you who are still working on your children’s holiday wish lists or considering gifts for friends and relatives! Happy Holidays!

Note: This post may contain affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Thankful Children's Books

Thankful Books! In honor of Thanksgiving coming up, I’m sharing a few of our favorite children’s books, focusing on gratitude, family, and a sense of community. We have purchased some of these books and found others at our local library. You can find links to these and a few more on my Bookshop page!

Thank you, Omu - This has been a long time favorite as we are big fans of Oge Mora. This book tells the story of lovely Omu, who makes a big pot of stew, and shares with her neighbors and many community helpers, one by one. Just as she realizes she doesn’t have any left for herself, all of her neighbors show up with dishes to share. It is a lovely story of generosity and community. The illustrations are as wonderful as the prose.

Feast for Ten - This is a small board book that’s great for babies and still enjoyed by my 4-year-old! In this sweet counting and rhyming book, a mother and her 5 children go to the store to collect all the ingredients for their feast. Back at home, we count to ten again as they prepare the food and sit down to reap the rewards of their hard work. “Eight platters down, nine chairs around, ten hungry folks to share the meal!” I love that on each page, the family is working together, helping prepare this feast as a family.

Around the Table that Granddad Build - This story is cumulative, meaning that the story builds, repeating itself while adding on a new phrase each page. This repetition is great for young children as they enjoy reading along out loud and being able to predict what words come next. In this story, family and friends come together to share a meal, each contributing something they have made that represents their culture or personality. It all starts with the table that Grandad built.

Apple Cake - This is another simple, rhyming gratitute book that even the youngest toddlers will enjoy. In this short story, a little girl goes out for a walk to gather ingredients for apple cake. She thanks the flowers, bees, farmers, friends, and everything and everyone for all the gifts that they share. “Thank you for the food we make. Thank you all for apple cake!” At the end of the book is a delicious recipe for apple cake that is easy enough to do with little ones!

Thankful - Especially in these times, I appreciate how this book celebrates our every day thanks. “The chef for his plates licked clean, the dancer for the beat, the doctor for patients getting well”. The images portray one family and how they each play the role of chef, dancer, doctor, and everything else in their day to day life. It’s relatable and sweet.

We are Grateful - This tells the story of a Cherokee family and their community expressing thanks, "otsaliheliga", in big and small ways throughout each of the seasons. I love the connection to nature and incorporation of Cherokee traditions and language throughout. There is something new to notice in the illustrations each time we read it.

Fry Bread - This book is a beautiful depiction of a Native American family celebrating fry bread, but more than that, their history, traditions, culture, and community. We love the gorgeous and detailed illustrations and poetic verse. I appreciate the long authors notes at the end with a recipe and an in depth look at this story of fry bread and of indigenous commnities all across America.

The Table - This picture book is brand new and a wonderful addition to our Thanksgiving collection. In this relatable but story, a child remembers all the wonderful times and conversations her family shared at their dinner table. As her family members have become distracted and busy, their family table has grown smaller and smaller until it disappears. She has to figure out a way to create a new table for her family to make new memories and come together to connect once more.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Raising Helpers

One of the most wonderful things about toddlers is how they so inherently want to help. They are eager to be involved, be near us, and to participate in our day to day activities. What we deem “chores”, toddlers see as what they are: meaningful contributions to our family or community.

After toddlerhood, we often notice a shift. Children seem less intrinsically motivated to help and view helping more as a chore. This is a natural part of development: they are more independent and focused on their own work and play. They are discovering who they are and where their own interests lie, which is a beautiful thing. It also doesn’t mean it’s the end of helping!

How do we continue to foster this motivation and raise helpers beyond the toddler years? Here are a few tips that I’ve been keeping in mind in our own home lately. These can be incorporated in toddlerhood and well beyond!

Help our children - Our children learn how to help through us helping them. When we respond to their requests for help, they are more likely to do so in return. Often helping doesn’t mean doing a task for them, but rather offering just enough help to get them through a tough spot. 

Model it - Not only should we think about how we are offering help to our children, but how can we offer help to our partner, a friend, or our community? The more our children see us being helpers, the more likely they will want to be a helper too. 

Talk about it - “In our family, we help each other.” This is a phrase that we repeat often at home. The more we say and hear this, the more engrained it becomes and the more natural it feels to be a helper in the family. Importantly, this phrase is said in a gentle way, not as a command.

Make it part of the routine - When we make helping a part of our daily rhythm, it becomes natural. In our family, certain tasks are the kids responsibility every day: putting shoes and coats away, setting the table, feeding the dog, wiping up spills, tidying toys, etc. These tasks aren’t rewarded but rather just part of the routine. 

Offer opportunities - Sometimes we move so quickly through our own chores, we forget that we could involve our children. As much as possible, I try to do chores in front of the children so they have the opportunity to join in and help. Often what we consider mundane tasks are satisfying for our children. Having cleaning tools that are appropriately sized for our children make them feel especially capable.

Don’t force it - Inviting doesn’t guarantee our children will help. Even when these tasks are part of the daily or weekly routine, everyone has off days. We can offer grace and let it go. Often the next day, or at a different time, they are ready to help again.

Accept it as is - When our children do help, we may find that their “help” doesn’t lead to the outcome we desire. The dishes might not be as clean or the laundry might not be folded in a neat stack. When this happens, we can thank them for helping and appreciate it for the effort that went into it. Rather than correct them in the moment, we can model again another time, and try to be patient, as every skill takes time.

How can your child help today?

Children's Audiobooks: What we Love

I’ve always been a fan of audiobooks. I love entering into another world while I cook, pull weeds, or go for a walk. About a year ago, I introduced children’s audiobooks to D, and it has opened up a whole new world for her as well. She requests to listen to audiobooks daily. While they don’t replace reading physical books together, they are a wonderful addition.

What makes an audiobook different than a picture book?

Imagination - When children hear a story without pictures, their imagination takes the lead.  They get to imagine where the story takes place and what the characters look like. They imagine their facial expressions based on their tone of voice, and the scene based on words alone. They hear different accents, inflections, and pitches of voices that help them imagine each distinct character. 

Free Hands - Audiobooks can be great for winding down before bed, looking out the window in the car, or simply cuddling on the couch and listening. They can also be a wonderful way to free up the hands to play or move around while listening. D, at age 4, can get really immersed in pretend play or art while she listens to a favorite story.

Scare Factor - I’ve also noticed that children who are more sensitive to sensory overload do better with audiobooks than tv shows and even certain picture books. This is because listening to a story involves fewer sensory inputs: it’s only sound. When we hear something without seeing it, it’s less scary or overwhelming. 

On that note, audiobooks can also be a great way to transition from reality-based stories to a little more fantasy. Not only does it lessen the scare factor, but listening to a story about animals who act and talk like humans doesn’t feel so different than if the characters were human - you almost forget they aren’t. 

Our Favorites

There are endless audiobook options, but I’ll share some of our favorites so far. I’ve found collections of short stories are the very best for my 4-year-old (and my 2-year-old enjoys listening too). Each story is just the right length to hold their attention, and the stories flow naturally from one to the next. This makes it easier on a long car ride, rather than me or them having to choose a new story every 5 minutes.

Some of our favorite audiobook collections are: Frog and Toad, Little Bear, Anna Hibiscus, Amelia Bedelia, Winnie the Pooh, Juana and Lucas, and Julia Donaldson stories. Many of these are great for older kids as well. This list is not exhaustive; there is an evergrowing variety of audiobooks to choose from.

We often try out audiobooks via the library or the Libby app. We purchase our favorites on Audible or on CD. We have a CD player in the car and at home, and it’s often easier than listening via my phone or other fancier devices. D very quickly figured out how to operate the CD player and loves the independence it provides. S is getting there!

There are also read-along books we pick up from the library that offer a different kind of experience. These are fun for non-readers and readers alike. The kids pick a few each time we visit the library. There are newer Vox books with built-in audio but my kids actually prefer the books with CDs. D loves turning the page each time she hears the little “ding!”

Podcasts are another great way to listen to story, but I’ll save that post for another day!

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

7 Tips to Get Out the Door on Time

It’s back-to-school week here! With the excitement and the nerves also comes the anticipation of rushed and sometimes stressful mornings. My goal for this school year is to make it to school on time without rushing. It makes such a difference when we start the day off slowly and follow a routine. I know that this will require a lot of preparation (and self-discipline on my part!) Whether you’re trying to get out the door for school or any other activity, I am confident these tips will help your morning flow more smoothly.

Practice - Reflect back on recent stressful mornings…which parts were the most challenging? If a child is frustrated by not being able to put on their own shoes, can we help them master this skill more indendently? Making time in the slower afternoon or weekend to practice skills such as this can make the more hurried times less tense.

Prep Ahead - Certain choices and tasks can be done ahead of time to minimize the morning to-do list. For example, we can let children choose their outfit the night before. I also like to make packing snack boxes/lunches easier by chopping fruits and veggies and making sure the pantry is stocked on Sunday.

Organize Entryway - Although admittedly challenging to maintain, an organized entryway is a game changer for efficiently getting out the door. When everything we need for the morning is already at the front door, we eliminate the need to run around and zoom in and out the door before leaving. In our house, this means having low hooks for the kids’ backpacks and coats, a basket for socks and hats, and a low shelf for shoes. This also makes it easier for them to put everything away as soon as we get home.

Allow for Autonomy - Independence looks different at different ages, but even the youngest of toddlers want a sense of control. The more control they feel, the less meltdowns occur. This means giving them opportnities to get themselves ready. It also means offering choices. Can we let them serve their own cereal or make their own toast? Can they help pack their lunch box or backpack? Can they choose between the two pairs of shoes by the front door?

Routine Chart - Young children crave predictability and routine. It gives them comfort to know what comes next and confidence to be able to initiate that next step. Routine charts are a great way to establish a new routine. We have made a number of routine charts, cards, and checklists over the years, both with our own photos and these printables from The Creative Sprout. We typically reference these for the first few weeks of a new routine, and then bring them back out as needed throughout the year.

Set the Timer - Sometimes it’s simply the transition from morning play or breakfast to getting ready to go that’s the challenge. Our favorite tool for transitions are to set a song or a timer to indicate when it’s time to end one activity and start another. The kids know that when the song or timer ends/beeps, it’s transition time. Playing or singing the same song during a morning routine can be a really gentle but effective way to move things along.

10-minute Buffer - One trick I always count on is to prepare to be early. When we plan to be somewhere 10 minutes early, we are usually on time. That 10 minute buffer allows for the unpredictable and often inevitable slow down to occur! And occasionally, we’re actually early.

What are your favorite tricks to getting out the door smoothly?

Back-to-Preschool Essentials

It can be overwhelming to find the right gear for kids at school. Though there are far more options than I can list, here are some of my favorites for my own kids. I also consulted a current Montessori teacher for her favorites too! I hope this helps ease some of your decision making as we enter a new school year.

1. Water bottles 

The best water bottles are easy for kids to open and close and don’t leak. I prefer stainless steel to plastic as it’s more environmentally friendly and keeps water cooler but plastic (BPA free) does allow children to see when their water is running low. Simply Modern has fun designs and has held up well over time. Camelbak has both stainless steel and plastic options. 

• Simply Modern - fun designs, stainless steel

• Camelbak - stainless steel or BPA-free plastic

2. Backpacks

There are lots of backpacks that can work. I look for one that they can comfortably wear themselves. It should be big enough to hold a lunch box and a change of clothes but not so big that it falls off their shoulders. A stretchy side pocket that holds a water bottle is ideal.

• Pottery Barn Kids - various sizes, straps on the back for a nap mat or jacket, water bottle pocket

• Skip Hop - fun animal options, water bottle pocket, good size for preschoolers

3. Lunch Boxes
The most important feature for me when looking for a snack or lunch box is that my children can open it themselves. I like having various small compartments to keep lunch or snack interesting.

• Planet Box - customizable, fun colors and patterns, great for lunches

• Lunch Bots - simple on/off lid, great size for snacks or small lunch

• Bentgo - leak-proof, plastic, great for luches too

4. Indoor Shoes

Montessori preschools typically require indoor shoes or slippers. I look for slippers that are sturdy but not bulky, have one simple velcro strap, a wide toe box, flat arch, flexible sole, and of a natural fabric so they stay cool. 

• See Kai Run - comfortable, easy to put on, our favorites!

• Kamik - similar but slightly thicker

5. Labels 

Most schools also ask for each item your child brings or wears to school to have a name on it. When choosing labels, the most important feature is that it stays on through washes and wear! I especially love ones that have a detail that's easy to spot, like a flower or a frog.  

• Bright Star - fun colors and details, iron-on options for clothing as well as stickers for items such as water bottles and snack containers.

• No-Iron - inexpensive, basic white, no-iron lables for clothing

Bonus: Masks

I recognize that schools and parents differ on this topic but if you need or want a mask for a young child, here are some recommendations! I look for masks that fit properly, stay over their nose/chin and out of their mouths with minimal adjustments, have adjustable ear loops, are breathable and comfortable, and are machine washable. Adding a lanyard can make it easier to put them back on.

• Vistaprint - fun patterns, lightweight and breathable, stays on well

• Primary - affordable, colorful, soft, elastic behind head

• Jaanuu - very comfortable, stays out of mouth, great ear straps

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Our Favorite Cooperative Board Games

We love cooperative board games in our house! Board games in general have been a great way to spend 1:1 time with D and also fun to play as a whole family on the weekends. Cooperative games in particular offer a great alternative to traditional early board games like shoots and ladders or candy land.

Cooperative board games shift the focus from competition between players to working together against the board. Working together as a team helps the kids practice their communication and planning skills, as well as patience in taking turns. This plays out in the real world too. These games even impact the types of imaginative games D comes up with when playing with S or her friends. 

I also find these games to be more enjoyable to play with the kids. They never end with “I win!” Or “I wanted to win!” Instead, we celebrate together, or simply try again! 

First Orchard

This is a great first cooperative board game, best for toddlers ages 2 and up. The goal of this game is to fill the basket with colored apples before the raven reaches the orchard. The rules are simple: roll the die and if you land on a color, move the corresponding color apple to the basket. If you roll the raven, move the raven one step towards the orchard. This game helps with color recognition, sorting, and learning how to take turns. I also appreciate that in this game designed for toddlers, the pieces are large and wooden rather than small and cardboard.  

Friends and Neighbors

This game says 3 and up but I’d say it’s best for ages 2 to 4. It has a sweet premise: to find the object that will help a friend or neighbor feel better. This ends up being mostly a matching game. The object of the game is to help all the friends before the stop sign fills up. Before the game starts, pick one board to fill together. Then take turns picking tokens out of the bag to see if the object on it helps someone on your shared board. If it does, you place it on your board; if not, you place it on the stop sign. It’s a simple game but starts some good conversations about community, helping, and emotions. 

Hoot Owl Hoot!

We don’t own this game but have heard wonderful things! This game is playable around age 3. This color-matching game doesn’t involve any reading, so it’s easy for even younger players to join in with a bit of assistance. In this game, the owls have ventured out during the night and want to fly home before sunrise. Take turns drawing cards and move an owl of your choice to the corresponding color on the board. When you draw a sunlight card instead of a color card, daylight draws a bit nearer. Everyone works together to move all of the owls home before daybreak. 

Snug as a Bug

This game has three levels of play, making it great for 3 to 5 year olds. The object of this game is to help all the little bugs under the rug before the three stink bugs “stink up the place”. Each bug has four attributes: a specific color, shape, number, and size of eyes. In the basic version, you choose one attribute to look for, e.g. shapes and in more challenging versions, you roll a die to pick a new attribute each turn. Then spin the spinner and take turns finding bugs that match the specific color/number/shape/size you landed on. If there aren’t any bugs that match, a stink bug appears. It’s a silly but fun game that incorporates a lot of key concepts for preschoolers! 

Their “Stink Bug” Faces :)

Stone Soup

This game says 5 and up but I would say it can be enjoyed by 4-year-olds too. It is essentially a game of memory but the added twists actually make it quite fun. The goal of the game is to fill the hot cauldron with ingredients before the fire goes out. To start, all the pieces go face down on the board (this includes pairs of ingredients, a magic stone, and fire cards). Take turns picking up two cards, looking for matches, and you can help each other in the process! When you find a match, you add it to the “soup”. If you pick up a fire card, you add it to the fire. It’s a race to find all the ingredient pairs before the last fire card! 

Baby Dinosaur Rescue 

This is another game that has different versions/levels so that it can be enjoyed at different ages, though I’d say 4 is a good starting age. The object of this game is to get all the baby dinosaurs to the island before the lava reaches them. This game involves both playing cards and the board. Each time you take a turn and play a card, you either move one of the baby dinosaur tokens forward on the path toward the island or get the lava closer to the valley. This game involves some strategy, as you figure out which baby dinosaur to move along the board and when to play certain cards from your hand. This is when collaborative games really shine, as you can help each other make decisions rather than competing alone! 

Outfoxed

This is the most advanced game of the bunch, but a 4-year-old can play and enjoy this with their grown-ups. In this game, a sneaky fox has stolen a pot pie and it’s up to you to work solving clues to solve the mystery of who is guilty This game involves a lot of pieces including a board, cards, dice, tokens, and figurines. Each round reveals a clue as to which of the foxes stole the pie based on what they are wearing or holding. There are fun surprises along the way and children love playing detective! I like that there isn’t anything scary about this “whodonit” game while still being a fun mystery to solve. 

These are the cooperative board games we have enjoyed in our family so far! I know there are many others, and I look forward to playing even more as our kids get older! What are your favorite board games to play with your kids right now?

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Hiking with Little Kids

One of my favorite memories from childhood is hiking. Though I know I didn’t enjoy every second of our hiking and camping adventures as a kid, I only remember the fun stuff: playing “hug a tree” with my sisters and finding the best hiking sticks with my dad.

Now that both the kids are good walkers, my goal this summer is to do at least one hike a week together. It can be intimidating to head out on a hike with kids at this age (especially when my husband isn’t able to join us), but I never regret it when we do. We are so lucky to live in the PNW where there are so many beautiful hikes just a short drive away.

S and D enjoy and benefit so much from these hikes. D is much more focused on the goal: getting to the destination (e.g. the beach or mountain top) than S is and she loves to check our field guides to identify plants and creatures along the way. They both love moving their body and pushing their physical limits. At the same time, they both make many stops along the way, to pick up tiny objects and notice small insects or flowers.

I also benefit from these hikes with them! Hiking is something I have enjoyed since before kids and I love getting to share it with the kids. It’s a form of self care for me too!

Hiking Tips

Let them take the lead! When we pick a kid-friendly hike and allow plenty of time, it’s more fun for us all. Children gain such confidence from getting to lead us on hikes rather than the other way around! While exploring new hikes is really fun, going back to old ones can be especially motivating for young children who feel more confident and capable there.

Take lots of breaks. Bring more water and snacks than you think you’ll need. I try to plan for one snack per hour plus a packed lunch for our destination. Breaks happen far more often than 1x per hour though. When we allow for lots of stops, we get to notice all the small things our children notice, such as hidden bugs, forts, or “bridges” or the sounds of birds in the trees above.

Bring a kid carrier. While S likes to walk as far as he can, he still needs breaks or even a short nap in the Deuter carrier. We used this for D up to age 3, but now, at almost 4, D is hiking the whole way on our 3-4 mile hikes. 

Have a destination in mind. The hikes don’t have to be “epic” for them to be enjoyable and rewarding. Toddlers find excitement in stumps, dirt, and hidden bugs. But it can be especially motivating for preschoolers to have a destination to hike to: a river to wade in, a beach, a great view, a waterfall or a field of wildflowers. This makes all the effort feel worthwhile and offers a new sensory and visual experience for the kids too. 

Quit while you’re ahead. Aka when your child is still happy! If you’re new to hiking, start small and flat. Build up from there as they become more accustomed to hiking. It’s okay to have a picnic lunch before the destination and decide to simply turn around!

What we Pack

This is crucial! I’ve learned the hard way. I have a google doc for packing lists, including half day hiking trips. Your packing list will vary depending on where you live and what kind of hike you are taking. Below you’ll find a few of our kid essentials for hiking. In addition to snacks, lunch, and water for the kids, don’t forget your own food and supplies too!

Fourth Birthday Gift Ideas

In less than two weeks, D will be four. Unlike previous birthdays, D really grasps the concept of her birthday this year. As she has been witness to a number of beautiful birthday celebrations in her Montessori classroom, she has been eagerly awaiting her special day for months. This is also the first year she has very clear wishes for her day, from what kind of cake she wants (watermelon) to the decorations (also watermelon) to gifts. The following list is extensive and I expect to pick just a few of them for D. This list is a combination of ideas I’ve gotten from D as well as ones I’ve researched and seen enjoyed among friends and family. I hope your soon-to-be 4-year-olds love one or a few of these too!

Cooperative Board Games - In the past few months, board games have been one of D’s top requests when she and I have a little solo time together. Although she loves some of the classic games like Go Fish and Chutes and Ladders, I am a big fan of the cooperative games where we share a common goal. Peaceful Kingdom makes quite a few. D loves Stone Soup and I plan to gift her Race to the Treasure this year.

Arts and Crafts - D, like many children her age, loves to create. Sometimes the most joy and focus comes from using simple arts and crafts supplies to come up with something completely imaginative and new. These types of craft boxes are great for that. Other times, a more purposeful craft can be fun. I’m excited to introduce perler beads (template, beads, tongs) and this DIY chimes kit.

Jumbo Puzzles - This is an age where puzzling can really take off. A favorite for preschoolers is the giant floor puzzles as these provide both an extra challenge and an active component! This search and find 48-piece ocean floor puzzle looks fun and I love the Little Likes Kids floor puzzles, which come in a variety of sizes depending on your child’s puzzling skill level.

Musical Instruments - Musical instruments are a great gift for all ages, but at this age, children can actually begin to follow a tune and put notes together to make simple songs. One way for children to create songs is by following color patterns using these hand bells. A kid-size guitar with only 3 strings is a great instrument to start playing for fun, or even a small ukelele!

Blocks and Gears - With vivid imaginations and capable little hands, four is a really fun age to get into more complex building sets. From legos to gears to marble runs to forts, there are endless possibilities and kits for building. The best toys are the ones that can be used and enjoyed independently and creatively! Magnetic blocks such as Magnatiles and Tegu blocks are also a favorite!

Magazine Subscription - Receiving her Highlights High Five magazine in the mail is one of D’s highlights each month. The magazine is packed full of stories, games, and activity ideas. This year, I’m adding the National Geographic Little Kids magazine to our wish list as well!

Show/Event Tickets - Often what our children want more than anything is special time with us. One exciting birthday surprise could be a date to a special local event or show happening near you. Examples include a temporary exhibit at the zoo, a play at the local children’s theater, a kids concert, or a ballet performance. Another non-physical gift idea is a membership to a local zoo, aquarium, or kids museum!

Real Tools - While pretend play is big at this age, nothing beats the real deal. Whenever possible, we can give our kids real, functional tools to engage with and learn from. Favorites include binoculars, a two-way microscope, a real knife for meal prep, or a toolbox.

Pedal Bike - D has the Woom 2 and we love it. It’s great because the pedals can be removed to make this into a balance bike first. Once your child has the hang of a balance bike, it’s a seamless transition to riding with pedals! Most kids I know have made this transition between 3.5 and 5 years old. Be sure to get on the wait list for this bike!

Ask your child! Every child has their own interests and at this age, is more than capable of letting us know what their interests and wants are. The older our children get, the more unique and tailored their interests become, and it’s our job to support those interests rather than our own!

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

It's okay for our toddlers to say "no"

Right around the age of two, “no” becomes a favorite word. “Are you ready to put on your shoes now?” “No.” “Would you like me to help you?” “No.” “It’s time to get in the car.” “No.” “Do you want to go on a super fun adventure that involves snacks and playing in water?!” “No!” Does this sound familiar? ;)

When toddlers say no, they are learning how to exert their will in a meaningful way for the first time. They are realizing they are their own unique person with their own thoughts and opinions. They are letting us know loud and clear that they are their own person with a strong will and personality.

When we think about the kind of human we want to raise, this is it! We want our children to hold boundaries, to stand up for themselves, and to be strong and independent. Why does this feel so hard at age two?

It’s all about balance. We want to give our toddlers plenty of opportunities to exert their will, to feel independent and capable, and to set their personal boundaries. We also want to set clear and loving limits that they are able to follow. How do we do this?

Make Transitions Fun

Transitions are often the time we hear the most “no’s” from our toddlers. This is understandable: we are asking them to stop one fun activity and quickly make the switch to something else, often less exciting. One way to prevent our toddlers from saying “no” is to make transitions smoother and more fun in the first place.

Following a daily rhythm and knowing each step of their routines can give them comfort in knowing what comes next and feeling comfortable with the daily transitions. Being playful can lighten up the mood and slow us down in transitions. Examples of playful transitions: “Let’s hop like bunnies to the car!” or “Time to find your shoes! Where are they hiding?”

Offer Age-Appropriate Choices

Choices are another way to help our day flow more smoothly and to give our toddlers a sense of autonomy and confidence. There are lots of choices we can offer our toddlers throughout the day. Choices are appropriate for toddlers when both answers are viable options. Examples of toddler choices might include:

• “Would you like blueberries or bananas with your oatmeal this morning?”

• “Which shoes would you like to wear, red or blue?”

• “Do you want to walk or ride your bike?”

• “Would you like a hug or a high five?”

While choices are incredibly powerful for toddlers, there are also times when choices aren’t appropriate. While it is kind to offer limited choices rather than boss our toddlers around, it isn’t kind to offer a choice when there really isn’t one.

Avoid giving options when there really isn’t a choice 

Pause before asking a question or offering a choice. Consider if you are really okay with either answer or the option you are about to give. For example, when you ask “Are you ready for bedtime?” is “no” really an acceptable option?

If there is only one appopriate response, do not pose it as a question, simply state what you want. Rather than ask, “Are you ready for bed?” you could state, “After this book, we are going to start bathtime.”  

You could also offer two choices that both result in starting bedtime. For example, “Would you like to brush teeth or put on pajamas first?”

When they still say “No”

There are plenty of times when toddlers still say “no” to the choices or statements we offer. These moments can feel so frustrating, especially when our toddlers say this on repeat.

When S responds with “no”, the first thing I ask myself is “Is this something that really must be done now?” and “Why?” Oftentimes I can give S a bit more time and with that extra time he is able to finish what he is doing, process what I said, and feels ready to follow my request. Other times he is saying “no” to joining in something that he just doesn’t feel comfortable doing, and it’s more than okay for him to set those boundaries and opt out.

If “no” really isn’t an option, I validate his feelings and help him to follow my directions. If he is tired, hungry, or having an off day, I will often acknowledge what he has said and repeat myself once before helping him. For example, if he doesn’t want to leave the park: “You don’t want to leave the playground and go home. It’s hard to leave. It’s time to go to the car.” I often then need to gently help his body: “I’m going to pick you up now and carry you to the car.” 

What we can control

While we can’t control how our toddler responds to us, we can control our response to them. When we acknowledge their wants and feelings, they feel seen. When we respect their boundaries, they feel safe. When we stay calm and confident, they feel secure with us. When we find a healthy balance of giving our toddlers autonomy and loving limits, we both feel better.

Playground Etiquette

As the weather warms and restrictions ease up, the playgrounds are filling back up with families. For many children, and parents, this might be challenging to navigate, particularly after a pandemic year. Challenges include following playground rules, social expectations, safety issues, and having to finally leave the park. How do we allow our children independence to explore while helping them navigate social and safety expectations? How do we help them build confidence, both in their body and social skills?

Establish Park Rules Early

Decide on your general playground rules ahead of time and discuss them with your child. This will vary by age, with simple but clear limits for toddlers and room for discussion and independent choices for preschoolers and up. Here are some examples of questions you might ask yourself:

• Are there any areas of the park or playground that are off-limits?

• Are you okay with your child going up or down the slide when another child is at the bottom?

• Does this rule change if the slide is busy and there is a line forming?

• Will you and your child wear masks? Shoes? Sunscreen?

Observing vs. Hovering

This will also depend on the age of your child. With infants, we can shadow them but let them take the lead in exploring and play. With toddlers, we can stay back but remain nearby to offer help or enforce rules as needed. With preschoolers, we can stay in a predictable and visible location and keep an ear out, while also enforcing rules as needed.

With each age group, we want to let them follow their own body’s limits, giving them a sense of confidence and capability. This means rather than placing them up on a high tower, letting them climb up however high they can on their own. In general, children can get down independently if they can get up independently. If we place them up high, they often feel stuck and rely on our help.

When there are other parents nearby, it can help to not all hover together around the children. This often leads to parents feeling pressured to intervene unnecessarily. Instead take a step back if there is already an adult close by or if you are interested, chat with the other parents! You can both step back and give your children some space to play while you talk with one another. The park is agreat place for parents and children to make friends and find community.

Social Conflicts

It is normal for small conflicts to arise between children at the playground. Often children have different ideas about how to use the playground equipment or want to use the same thing at the same time. There is no need to intervene in every instance. Often, even young toddlers can work out their issues without adult intervention. By preschool age, it’s important to give them a chance to problem solve, as this is the most effective way for children to develop their social problem-solving skills.

However, there are times when a child is getting hurt, physically or emotionally, and it’s appropriate to intervene and make sure everyone is feeling heard and safe. For example, if my toddler is blocking the slide, I would first point out that another child is waiting. If they still didnt move, I would gently move their body. If my preschooler is blocking the slide and I happen to be close to her I might say “It looks like someone is waiting for a turn, it’s time to hop down so that they can slide.” If I’m not nearby I would let it be (and hope that they communicate to each other). If they end up crashing into each other, I would still pause, but if it looks like someone is hurt or upset I would go over to give comfort and brainstorm solutions for next time with them. 

Often conflicts arise over sand (or other personal) toys. If there are a lot of children, I prefer not to bring sand toys that my children might feel “ownership” over or might get taken on accident. When we do bring sand toys in a smaller setting, we talk about how it’s okay to let other children use these sand toys in this shared space. I encourage turn taking but don’t force sharing or giving back (until it’s time for us to leave). It’s okay for rules and expectations to be a little more relaxed in a public setting.

If one of my children is upset by something another child did, I offer comfort to them and let them stay with me as long as they need. I don’t say anything to the other child or parent (that’s not my job); I just verbally acknowledge what happened. Once they have recovered, we often move on to a different activity.

Leaving the Park

The hardest part of a playground visit for my kids is often saying goodbye. It’s tough to leave a really fun place! It can help to give children a heads up a bit before it’s time to leave. As toddlers don’t understand the concept of time, we can let them know there is time for one more activity before we go and let them choose. If they don’t want to leave the slide specifically, we can let them know how many more turns will happen before going home (or they can choose the number!) When the time comes to leave, it can help to say “bye bye” to the playground/slide/etc.

With children who are preschool age, timers can work well. We can let them know we are setting the timer for 5 minutes and when it rings, we are going home. Sometimes giving them one more heads up before the timer goes off (e.g. 5 minutes and then 2 minutes) is helpful too. Lastly, we can talk about when we will come back to this playground again, so that saying goodbye is only temporary.

Sometimes, even with warnings, children are upset about leaving the playground. Although it’s tempting to just let them play longer, it’s important to stick to our limit. If we continue to budge on the time, our children will remember that and expect that limit to budge the next time too. When we are consistent about our limits, they trust our words more, and feel less desire to test.

If they are upset when it’s time to leave we can simply listen and acknowledge. “You really want to stay at the park. It has been such a fun afternoon at the playground. You are upset about leaving.” If you feel any embarassment in this public setting, know that every single parent has or will be in that exact place too. Let your child feel their feels and help their body if needed.