The Ups and Downs of Potty Learning

Spoiler alert: If you are hoping for how to potty train in 2 days, this is not the post for you! ;) We began “potty learning” when D was about 14 months old. You can read about how we began in this previous blog post, which helps explain the why’s and how’s of our method. Since then, I’ve been getting questions about how it’s going now, especially given that she is wearing underwear in many of our photos! Here is our potty learning update, at 19 months.

Though we have a potty set up for her in two bathrooms (one upstairs and one downstairs), she primarily uses the one downstairs, because that’s where she plays and we spend most of our time. It is a small half bath, but we’ve made it work! It’s worth it to squeeze the potty in this bathroom rather than just place it in the hallway, because it helps to familiarize her with the bathroom as the appropriate place to go. The potty we use is this one by Joovy Loo but many love the Baby Bjorn one, which is a little lower to the ground and is narrower.

Since we began 5 months ago, we’ve had many ups and downs, especially during sickness, travel, or developmental leaps. Luckily, having spent countless hours in the bathroom with toddlers as a teacher, this didn’t come as a surprise to me. Especially when starting at a young age, getting familiar with using the potty takes time, practice, and backwards steps (hopefully along with a few more forward steps). Despite what potty training books say, it doesn’t usually happen over the course of a weekend. The good news is it also doesn’t have to require bribes, punishments, or being stuck in the house for three days.

Over the past few months, D has been wearing underwear more and more. She exclusively wears underwear at home, except when she sleeps. Now that she’s able to control her bladder more, she also wears underwear for short outings. We skipped pull-ups all together, because I find they are a confusing mix of diapers and underwear. The big benefit of underwear over diapers/pull-ups is that toddlers can feel that they are wet, and typically, they don’t want to be. Our favorite underwear are these ones made by Kickee Pants. They are pricey but hold up well, even being washed over and over again! We also have a set of these thicker undies, but they don’t fit as well and are possibly too absorbent. At home, she often wears these without pants because it makes it easier for her to help take them off and sit independently/quickly.

While we started off by inviting D to use the potty, we’ve now moved on to posing it as a statement. “It’s time to sit on the potty now”. This works best once it becomes a routine. She knows that after mealtimes, before bed, and before outings, she sits on the potty. She doesn’t typically resist those times. However, if I ask her to sit on the potty before eating, or right after nap, she resists, because it’s not part of her routine (yet). She doesn’t have to sit for long, but she knows she has to try. Other times, she’ll tell me she has to go, or walk to the bathroom herself. I can’t count on that consistently yet though!

Our best friend in all this is books. D gets to pick her book of choice before walking to the bathroom. We also keep a few books for her to choose from in a basket there. It’s a good excuse for me to stop what I’m doing and simply read with her. She always points out when she’s made a pee or poo on the potty and then we dump it into the toilet. She gets to pick out a pair of underwear (I keep 2 or 3 choices out at a time), and I help her get them back on. Then we wash our hands together. She is getting more independent in this process each week.

When she does have an accident, we go to the bathroom, take off her wet underwear, and if just a little wet, she puts them in a small laundry bin. Then she sits and we start the process of sitting/re-dressing. I don’t make a big deal of it if she is wet, and I definitely don’t make her feel bad about it. I say “It looks like you are wet. Let’s go to the bathroom and get dry.” She usually points out that she’s peeing or she’s wet before I say anything, and wants to get dry underwear on.

Next up is tackling our longer adventures away from home. Though she currently still wears diapers for those outings, I am finding recently that she can stay dry longer. To transition away from diapers, I’m planning to buy a few of these underwear covers, so that she can still feel wet, while not soaking through her clothes. I also plan to keep a potty in the back of our car. Updates to come, hopefully before this next baby arrives, and we will most definitely hit another regression! ;)

* Update (April, 21 months): No longer in diapers for outings! Only for sleep. She does well with this travel potty and always keeping an extra pair of underwear in the bag and car. We definitely have more accidents out and about than at home (routine thrown off), but getting there!

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Potty Learning

Fourteen months old and on the potty! Pre-Montessori I would have thought this was crazy, but I now know this is a great time to start. Babies start to develop bladder & bowel control and awareness of their bodily functions around a year. Around that same time, they often begin to show interest in the toilet and how we use it. As with all things toddler, they want to imitate! So why not let them? Potty learning* at this age is a gradual process, but if we have the time, it's a pleasant one, without bribes or tantrums. For young toddlers, it's about learning their rhythm, letting them experience wet vs. dry vs. going on the toilet, and giving them opportunities for independence. 

* I call it potty learning rather than training because the toddler is just as involved in the process as we are. We, the adults, are not training, just guiding and helping. Some people prefer to call it toilet learning but I like to differentiate the small potty from the big toilet. 

We started D's potty learning process last week, just after she turned 14 months. I had been waiting for her to walk, but she's taking her sweet time, so we just dove in! To encourage body awareness during potty learning, I let her wear underwear or be bare-bummed at home. We aren't strict about it, but having just a couple hours a day without a diaper is useful for her to learn the feeling of being wet vs. dry. It's hard to feel anything in a diaper! By allowing D to be pantless/diaperless, I am also better able to learn her rhythm and patterns. When we are home, I aim to let her sit on the potty every 45 min or so. 

Sitting on the potty is always an invitation, never forced. As I invite her and show her the potty (which she usually does), I make the sign for potty. We start by pulling down her underwear or diaper while she stands and then she sits down. She likes to look at books or dig through her "supplies" while she sits, and I let her. This week she started trying to put on her own underwear! This is too tricky for her now, but the more we do it together, the more confidence she'll have to do it by herself. I let her sit for a while and then if she goes pee or poop, I make the sign for pee or poop as well as potty. She can feel it when it's happening and proudly points to what she's made. :) Then I show her how I dump it in the big toilet and clean it out. We get her underpants or diaper back on and then wash our hands together. When she's walking, she'll participate more in this process (and hopefully have a hand washing station)! 

After only a week, D is already peeing and pooping on the toilet fairly consistently at home. She doesn't yet sign for it or go there herself, but when I routinely sit her on the potty throughout the morning or afternoon, she goes. She has also started to touch her underwear or diaper if she's going. If she starts to go pee or poop in her underwear, I just take her straight to the potty and she finishes there. Of course there are accidents but less than I'd imagined. When she gets tired or cranky, or we're headed out, we just switch to diapers. With no expectations or a set schedule, this slow potty learning is pretty pleasant for all. 

A big part of this early potty learning is creating a bathroom space that is inviting for her to be part of stand-up diaper/undie changes and sitting on the potty. I found it easiest to set up two spaces; one downstairs and one upstairs, so we don't have to travel far. As you can see from the photos, the set-up can work no matter how small the bathroom! Here are our essential supplies: 

• Small Potty - We like the simplicity of the Joovy Loo and the price is low enough to get one for each bathroom!

• Diapers or training underwear - we are using both. She wears training underwear around the house and diapers for sleep and when we are out and about. As she gets more consistent, we'll switch to undies full time, but we aren't in a rush.

• Wipes - these water wipes are just the best for sensitive little skin!

• Laundry bin - a small basket or box for D to help toss her wet or dirty clothes into.

• Books - Potty and Once Upon a Potty are fun and great for starting the communication about the potty. We are actually getting a lot of reading in together these days, on the potty. ;)

• Water - I find it helps her to go pee on the potty when she drinks a little water right before. We keep a cup in the bathroom. It also helps to model peeing or even have the faucet dripping.

• Low mirror - This isn't a necessity but we have one in our upstairs bathroom and D likes to look at herself when she's on the potty, and it is helpful for body awareness.

As with all things, I am sure this is not going to be easy forever, and there will be plenty of bumps along the way. But it's nice to know what 14-month-olds are capable of, and that the potty can be a bonding time too!